So I had the same issue. I'm going to tell you what I wish someone told me and didn't egg on the behaviors because it benefited them. It might not apply to you, but I'm talking to everyone plagued by being in your head during sex:
I didn't think it was an issue when I was a young married kid to "fuck in my head," but I have cum to realize that being in your head is a huge turn off because wives can sense the lack of presence and they know they should be -at least during sex- the center of attention: not your thoughts.
You can talk out loud I guess, but how distracting and disrespectful if you're just cramming the same soundbites in her ear to soothe your need for dopamine from thoughts? Open your eyes if youre closing them to think and start focusing your attention on her pleasure.
You might discover you're more than enough to please your woman and that you can just enjoy the lifestyle for the sake of hedonism and not JUST for the sake of interracial desires and kinks. Nothing wrong with desires and kinks and communicating when appropriate, but when it becomes incessant and the only focus is Interracial Porn scenes in your head, I'd say it's time to wake up, put down the porn, read books about human nature and hobbies you like and focus on being a grade A bad ass inside and outside the bedroom with your family
I think the result will be more of what you want anyways because you are not forsaking your dignity over kinks and that is attractive on anyone
my opinion.
short answer:
good luck and yes i could relate, not anymore