So frequently I see threads like this and think to myself, "no, no, no, this isn't going to work the way you think it will." But in your case, I do think you're at least thinking about a lot of it in the right way. Chastity WILL NOT decrease your libido. Quite the opposite. What it WILL do however, is ratchet up your desire for intimacy with your wife. Any "settling" you're currently doing for the temporary, semi-satisfaction of jerking off, does tend to go away. I've never met a man in chastity who didn't have his keyholder on his mind constantly. The whole idea of putting your release in the hands of someone else is to make their happiness and desires the center of your focus. Compersion is a fascinating *******.
This road can be bumpy though. Assuming your wife decides to try it, there's no guarantee that her idea of how long to keep you locked up at a time will match your idea of it. There's no guarantee that life won't get in the way for longer than you imagine going at a stretch. And even when you really are ok with the "denial" part of the "tease & denial" game, if she's too busy for the "tease" part, it can feel like neglect in a hurry. All your desire can turn into self-pity and even resentment, if you're not expecting it and actively reminding yourself to be thankful that she was open-minded enough to try this out with you. The hardest part for me in the beginning was something I've seen since, on countless blogs and chastity forums: you need to be sure you're ready to give up control, even if that doesn't always look the way you're picturing. Trying to "top from the bottom" as they say in the bdsm world, and direct the action yourself, will very quickly make a new keyholder feel like she's not actually being given control, and that she's being critiqued about how she's doing things, even though you asked her to do them.
Another thing I don't really have a good segue for but think is worth mentioning, is that there is a huge difference between short-term and long-term chastity play. Let's say she decides to give it a try, during a time the two of you have carved out for some intimacy. Maybe she gives you a lazy, start-and-stop handjob or blowjob, while having you tell her once again why you think you'd like to be locked up, and all the wonderful things you just PROMISE to do for her in return. Let's say she takes to this game right away (unlikely, the very first time, but bear with me here). She slowly and patiently works you into a blubbering frenzy on the edge of orgasm, then stops touching you, smiles, and tells you to show her how the cage works. Your head swims, your heart races, you're sweating and excited, and the moment she clicks the lock shut, you can't wait to show her what a great choice she's making and how much you appreciate your open-minded Mistress. You get to go down on her, and you're so enthusiastic she has to remind you to slow down and focus. But once you do, and you start paying attention to her body and the way she's moving and the sounds she's making and wave of electricity that the two of you are building inside her, you finally take her over the edge and give her an earth-shattering orgasm. She kisses you and thanks you, gives the cage a playful pat, and turns to back her ass into you so you can cuddle her to sleep while you are still caged and horny (again, unlikely the first time, I think 90% of the time, a new keyholder will instinctively try to reward her sub's diligence with release, but this is still all hypothetical). So yes, you're going to sleep denied and frustrated, but it's exactly what you fantasized about. The cage is uncomfortable on your still swollen would-be erection, but the new sensation is sort of hot and you can't believe you and your wife are actually doing this, and you finally manage to ******* yourself into a restless sleep, eager to see where this all goes tomorrow, now that you're a devoted, submissive chastity slave.
Is that perhaps a bit like what you picture? It's how all the porn works, right? You read mean captions and can't explain why but the meanness turns you on, and you want to hear your wife saying those things. Things like, "if you ask me for release, you get another three days without being unlocked. Now get to work licking me again. I want a few more orgasms before we go to sleep." Or have you've seen the ones where she has a girlfriend over, or is taking to one on the phone, saying something like, "he's so desperate for an orgasm, he'll do anything I tell him to." Maybe I'm way off the mark here in your case, but this is the kind of reality I think most guys picture when they're starting to take an interest in male chastity. And if your wife agrees to take it scene-by-scene and make it a short term game, there's nothing wrong with fantasies like this. And who knows? Maybe with just a few hours here, or a day or two there, a cage might give you and your wife a spark that reignites your sex life. But in my opinion, it's unlikely to hold her attention for long in those small doses, and you are unlikely to get that "could really bring us closer together" feeling you talked about. I believe that only comes with the long game.
When a man has an orgasm, all of these neurotransmitters orifice the high that he craves and is probably addicted to, but when he gets that fix, he's temporarily satisfied. So like you pointed out, when you jerk off, you don't have any incentive to court your wife, and do the little romantic things you might do when you're still really seeking her attention. I've read that the chemicals produced during an orgasm can take two weeks to leave the system. I'm not a doctor and don't know if that's true, but the theory makes sense in my experience. It takes about two weeks in chastity from the time I orgasm to feel "broken in" again. It can be slightly less now that I've essentially been programmed this way, especially if my wife is actively putting effort into "breaking" me, but regardless of how long it takes individuals to reach the point I'm talking about, I feel you probably have to get past it to really understand what long-term chastity is like and to know whether it's for you.
For me, during the first couple of days of lock up, I'll be really horny. I'll be ok with it, because of whatever fun stuff happened at the start, but I'll also constantly think about getting off, even if I know I can't. This is why everyone thinks that's the goal of chastity. Do a good job pleasuring your wife and maybe she'll let you cum, right? It's understood that the reward is the orgasm she's dangling in front of you, just out of your reach, and the game goes on for as long as it's fun for her to drive you closer and closer to insanity with desire. This is fine if it works for both of you for days on end, but usually it doesn't. That's because you're not really thinking about her yet. You're thinking about you. Your mind is on YOUR eventual orgasm. You've cum recently enough that you're not really thinking about doing nice things for your wife for the sake of her happiness. You imagine getting her off, but you're basically trying to bribe her to play the game the way you want her to and feed your addiction, while the afterglow of your high slowly dissipates with the neurotransmitters, and eventually becomes withdrawal.
Even recognizing this pattern, it's incredibly hard for me to avoid this kind of behavior when I go through it. I make frequent references to sex that frustrate her more often than not. I think two weeks into the future instead of being present and thoughtful. I might get a little sassy here and there, essentially daring my wife to punish me because I want her attention so badly. During the days that follow, I can sometimes experience the neglect I mentioned above, or even depression. I am naturally an insomniac, but chastity play certainly doesn't help. Going to bed horny and awake night after night is lonely. And good luck avoiding porn if your phone is right next to you on the nightstand. My point is that the frustration has WAYYYY more time to be ugly, lonely, sad frustration than sexy, fun frustration your wife participates in. So unless your wife is just playing the short, one-scene-at-a-time game and unlocking you on the first or second night, I recommend preparing yourself for a rocky adjustment period.
But after that couple weeks, give or take, something changes for me. I am still horny, but I'm no longer desperate to cum. She can still work me up with desire when we are playing, but what I'm truly fantasizing about; the actual goal I'm seeking, is HER orgasm and not mine. I am gushy with affection for her and can't stop telling her I love her. I want to go down on her or help her masturbate, without a thought given to whether she'll be using the key that night. I've even found it's possible when I'm really in time with her, to have an emotional sympathetic orgasm (or near orgasm) right along with her, without stimulation to my own genitals, but it's extremely rare. But the biggest changes are in daily life. I do every dish without being asked every night. Sometimes I get to draw her a foot bath while we watch TV before bed, and I'll soak, dry, lotion and massage her feet. Sometimes I'll set up the massage table and give her a full body massage. Sometimes I'll shower with her and we'll wash each other. During the day I think of her often and send her romantic little texts. I take more of the responsibility of entertaining the *******, getting them fed and putting them to bed, so she doesn't go to bed drained all the time. Now that we've introduced cuckold play, I'll stay home while the ******* sleep so she can go out and fuck one of her bulls, and truly be excited to hear all about it later. Sometimes we'll have sex afterwards, but that's neither expected nor a driver of my behavior.
The point I'm taking far too long to get to is that the kind of closeness you describe is absolutely possible with chastity play, it's just not a light switch like I think most people expect it to be. My wife and I definitely have that closeness and chastity undeniably contributes to it. We were already close, but this has made me closer to the kind of husband I want to be for her (minus being able to fuck her brains out for hours on end). I have traditional sex maybe once or twice a month these days, and not always to completion, but most nights my wife and I share some very sweet intimacy together whether it's sexy play or not, and she is for the most part richly rewarded for taking the responsibility of her key and ownership of my orgasms. She does enjoy letting me cum sometimes, but only when she really wants to, because she knows it will take a while to get me all the way broken in again.
This isn't for everyone, and you can have fun with it in very limited amounts, but the benefits of long-term chastity will take lots of work, communication, and adjustment for both you and your wife. This was much longer than I intended it to be, so I hope it doesn't read like a bunch of rambling, incoherent nonsense. I hope some of it is helpful and gives you some sense of perspective and food for thought. Good luck as you try to decide on a way to broach the topic with your wife, and please let us know how it goes and how your thoughts on the matter evolve.
Sorry, if i sound harsh, i don't mean to. But i think some things need to be said with emphasis that's appropriate for the subject.
