Lifestyle Expectations for Married Women

[Molly1980]

I want to first start out by thanking many of for helping me with compromising with my husband on my "Hotwife" lifestyle that I desire. Thank you all for the wonderful advice and some of it definitely helped. For those who judge and attack...

So my husband has definitely opened his mind a lot more to where we have really positive discussions in regards to my desires. Before it created arguments and now he approaches my cravings through an investigational perspective. He truly now wants to know more about my fantasies and this is REALLY GOOD. Now we have a dialogue in respects to the topic allowing me to Express my self to him. Now I do not feel like I am suffocating, I am actually communicating with my husband.

But he is super smart and he know very well how to take the lead in a conversation so I NEED SOME COACHING. Calculated coaching. Remember he is not a "cuck", he is not submissive and he does not have a small penis. He is an alpha by many measures which has probably made this harder.

He asked me the question... "So what is it that would make you completely satisfied in this lifestyle? What is the ultimate goal?"

And I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER

He is asking where this all ends and I don't want to scare him by saying there is no limit but I dont want to set limits. This question from him is essentially telling me we are negotiating as if he is ACTUALLY CONSIDERING this and I do not want to push him away. I tell him to give me some time to answer him. Now I am in panic, this can be my only chance to convince him and I do not want to ruin it by answering incorrectly.

What are my goals? What is reasonable? What is unreasonable? Etc...

Can anyone assist? Thank you

 

[syscom3]

Suggest once a month. Start from there.

 

[Molly1980]

He is expecting the opposite type of answer. He expects answers with parameters

 

[syscom3]

Suggest once a month with him picking your BBC for the encounter. Condoms will be used. He cannot be in the room with you.

 

[avaadore]

Is there a reason you specifically want to approach this from the hotwife angle?

What's the draw for you? Having your husband watch? Having him be involved? Or just having other partners in general?

 

[slinky1]

As he is an alpha male, well endowed and not submissive... is he going to decide he wants other women, and if he does, what type of response do you have for him. Most cucks enjoy or at least learn to live with having a cheating or promiscuous wife, and most like myself don't desire other women, largely because women don't desire small endowd, submissive men, so my options are very limited for sex outside of my marriage. But if he is none of those, will he want to explore his options, and how would deal with that? If he is alpha, are you not both better off getting into swinging?

 

[vej54]

The Hotwife Lifestyle has to be mutually beneficial to both of you and more importantly, Honesty and Trust are paramount for it to succeed. Hubby wants to gauge where you stand in this new exploration in your marriage and wants it quantified so he can conduct a Cost-Benefit Analysis. I suggest you identify the perceived "benefits" and 'Cons" of Hotwifing. Also, listen to podcasts like Front Porch Swingers ..specifically episodes that address partners at odds with the lifestyle. You cannot rehearse the right answer because your husbands questions will trip you-up. Be honest with him and share with him your desires that will enhance your "relationship". Hopefully, you can correspond with other couples who experienced the same initial challenges to alleviate his concerns.

 

[hwkate]

I like your question. Not knowing your actual desires or intentions, i will just point out that maybe a good way to make him feel more secure is to ensure that the number 1 reason for wanting to explore new things is to enhance the relationship with your husband. Relationships can fall into a routine and sometimes get boring. Those of us with an open mind for each others desires can keep the fire burning by allowing each other some freedoms, supporting and even encouraging openening up to new kinks. Your adventure should always be used to enhance the relationship with your spouse. With that being said, I wish you lots of luck and happiness.

 

[thickdckenergy]

Just be standard swingers who look for 3somes. Im an alpha and have been in previous committed relationships and that was the approach. Theres multiple Swinging categories and hotwifing/cucking does not sound like the one for you guys. Also, true alphas dont really do serious relationships because of our personality types & traits, we are horrible at them. So I doubt your hubby is a "true alpha", the term beta and alpha get thrown around too much and too easily, when the reality is.. the majority of men and women fall in-between as Gamma, Omega, and Sigma personality types.

If this is something you cant live without then find a husband who is a cuck-beta. There are plenty on Twitter and across web looking to marry women into bbc (QOS) lifestyle and many want their future wives to have mixed *******. (Seriously, kid you not). You have to make a decision as a grown woman. If you cant live without your hubby, then compromise and give up wanting the cuckold/hotwife option.

 

[avaadore]

Just be standard swingers who look for 3somes. Im an alpha and have been in previous committed relationships and that was the approach. Theres multiple Swinging categories and hotwifing/cucking does not sound like the one for you guys. Also, true alphas dont really do serious relationships because of our personality types & traits, we are horrible at them. So I doubt your hubby is a "true alpha", the term beta and alpha get thrown around too much and too easily, when the reality is.. the majority of men and women fall in-between as Gamma, Omega, and Sigma personality types.

If this is something you cant live without then find a husband who is a cuck-beta. There are plenty on Twitter and across web looking to marry women into bbc (QOS) lifestyle and many want their future wives to have mixed *******. (Seriously, kid you not). You have to make a decision as a grown woman. If you cant live without your hubby, then compromise and give up wanting the cuckold/hotwife option.

As the old saying goes, if you have to proclaim yourself as something, you probably aren't that thing.

Human beings have a tendency to want to jam everything and everyone into boxes but we are much more complex than the labels we cling to. There's no such thing as a "true alpha", period. Blaming the failure of your relationships on an archetype is a cop out.

My husband is a stereotypical "alpha type" - he's a big powerful dude, has total control over himself and his emotions, is dominant in and out the bedroom, has literally led men into warzones, etc. Not once has he ever had to tell people he was an "alpha", people just naturally defer to him. If it was true that "alphas don't really do serious relationships" we wouldn't have been together 12yrs and counting.

You don't know her husband, all the ******* after suggesting they try swinging was just unnecessary chest beating.

 

[avaadore]

I have also led men into warzones as combat veteran. I have led everything all my life. I run my own business now. Ive never been follower. People have all these terms that come out of no where. Who says "if you have to proclaim yourself as something then youre not" ...where did you get this from?? People have to learn to separate personal opinion from facts. I guarantee you put me in your husband in same environment and will eventually follow me lol. Size has absolutely jack ******* to do with being an alpha. Having money has absolutely jack ******* of being an alpha. Your husband is so alpha that hes letting other men satisfy you. Thats not a "true alpha" I dont care what you say. Hes just a big man with dominant traits lol. Im so alpha Ive never let my past gfs fucks another man. It was always 3somes with other women.

And I have chatted with Molly quite a bit privately. Youre assuming you know something instead of asking. Again, your hubby is NOT a true alpha. Just a respectable, large sized man with dominant traits. Not the same. Ive come across many of your type of hubby in my life.. whether in Army, college sports, and/or my career.

It's an incredibly well known saying.. If you have to say you're powerful, you have no power is probably the most common iteration. Ironic that you'd call me ignorant and then display your own ignorance lol

Case in point, someone who fits the actual traits of an "alpha" wouldn't throw a hissy fit and post immature nonsense on my wall just because you got called out

My husband is secure AF with himself, to the point where he doesn't take it as an affront to his masculinity or dominance that we're non monogamous. It's childish little boy bullshit to need to own or control someone.

 

[thickdckenergy]

It's an incredibly well known saying.. If you have to say you're powerful, you have no power is probably the most common iteration. Ironic that you'd call me ignorant and then display your own ignorance lol

Case in point, someone who fits the actual traits of an "alpha" wouldn't throw a hissy fit and post immature nonsense on my wall just because you got called out

My husband is secure AF with himself, to the point where he doesn't take it as an affront to his masculinity or dominance that we're non monogamous. It's childish little boy bullshit to need to own or control someone.

Also only lesser men (other than alpha) allow their women to be non-monogamous with other men. A true alpha won’t have it, I’m sorry. This is my personal opinion and also based on my experience being in swinging lifestyle since I was 19, I’m now 34 (15 years). I’m sure many would disagree with me, but opinions, thoughts, experiences is huge part of what this website is all about . I get it... no one will have blanket all-be-all definitions on swinging and perosonality terms, especially in this lifestyle. But our opinions can make sense and not be baseless in order to be respectable.

 

[avaadore]

I respectfully disagree you are still spitting out nothing but opinions, opinions,opinions!!...typical person with low intelligence “if you don’t believe me, google it “. . I’m putting it on your wall so the community can know who/what they’re dealing has zero to do with being alpha. I don’t need to push for control/dominance/own cause that’s gonna happen anyways. When we get in bedroom I own your pussy not your hubby. Wanna test to find out??

Let me guess, your hubby has a small wee-wee which is why you here for big daddy black dick like mine?? Is that what you’re ultimately here for or no?? Cause seems like to me you’re only here to challenge men to pissing contests lmao!
Call it “chest beating” or whatever terms you want. Doesn’t change reality. I’m true alpha, with ultra intelligence, with royal bloodline, with much bigger dick than your hubby or anyone you’ve been with, and superior. I’m a true #BlackKing genetic wise and personality wise. Whatever I say or post doesn’t change these realities, only your personal opinion no matter how warped it is... I still choose to respect it, just strongly think you’re way off,

Like it or not, height absolutely plays a part in being perceived as an alpha, as does the pitch of a man's voice. A commanding physical presence is key according to psych studies done on the subject. Obviously you disagree since you're 5'8 but that doesn't change the facts, I'm afraid.

The general consensus in the scientific community is that there is no such thing as "a true alpha" as far as human beings go. When talking about wolves, every single ******* has a place in the hierarchy - that is not how human beings operate. We're way too complex. The closest trait humans can have is dominance.

One of the most important traits that a dominant man can have (which is the closest trait to "alpha" humans are going to get) is control over himself and his emotions - which you clearly don't have. You desperately mention in most of your posts how alpha you are and you get called out on it and you throw a little internet fit trying to flame me on my wall lol that's far from dominant.

If anyone wants to know "who they're dealing with" my post history is public, you can keep your whining off my wall. You don't have a choice, which is obviously winding you right tf up lol

My husband is actually quite hung - if you'd bothered to read anything in my bio you'd see we aren't a cuck or hotwife couple, we both have other partners. But I'll take the hardest pass on your invitation to be disappointed by you in the bedroom lol

I'm not here to get into pissing contests, but it's cute how many men can't actually handle someone disagreeing with them and have to flip out and try to make it personal.

You respect what? You've shown zero respect. You've attempted to insult my intelligence and my husband's dick. That's showing respect where you come from?

 

[avaadore]

Again these are all your opinions. Now you’re going back and forth applying to terms of lower animals to us humans . If height, voice, money solely matter in being an alpha... why I’m i fucking their gfs and wives !!!? I’m only 5’8 but your tall husband does what I tell em and your wife wants me to breed her. Gtfoh with this haha.
Alpha male is totally a personality type, all this other stuff like big dick, voice, height, money... are only secondary affirmations and an alpha may have one or multiple of these traits. Just fact you don’t know this is reason why I’ll always have married pussy To fuck from “loyal” women lmao. So I can’t be too mad. I’m not desperate or out of control, I’m just spirited. You’re trying to find something in your mind to discredit me, instead of being humble to admit you’re off-based in your posts tonight . There’s nothing wrong with that, it happens to us all.

These aren't my opinions, they're pretty agreed upon facts within the world of psychology. Here are papers that back up exactly what I'm talking about:

Are Alpha Males a Myth or a Reality?

Just how much like other primates are we?

www.google.com

The Myth of the Alpha Male

Single straight guys: If you want to attract more women, research suggests you should cultivate kindness and altruism.

greatergood.berkeley.edu

Medical News | MedPage Today

MedPage Today, a medical news service

www.medpagetoday.com

I don't need to find anything in my mind to discredit you, there's legit papers from professionals with PhD's that already do it. Not to mention, you do a pretty damn good job of discrediting yourself with the immature way you choose to express yourself.

Now are you going to take your own condescending advice and admit you're out of line with your posting tonight? That's a rhetorical question btw, I know you're not going to. People like you will be loudly and willfully wrong and never admit it because you lack the introspection to recognize it and the humility to admit it. Just like you lack the self control to have a discussion without trying to make everything personal. It's a bad look, just so you know.

 

[avaadore]

When it comes to humans as it relates to mating..the hierarchal personality types are very much accepted in the scientific community. The Psychological is only ONE part in a HUGE scientific world. You really have to search research papers in scientific human sexual relations to backup what Im saying. As someone who was pre-med student for a long time, for every argument you make in science...you can find another group of scientists that say the opposite! This is the essence of science. Its constantly changing and there are no true right answers. But here is scholarly book that references that evolution of human sexual hierarchy and how it has evolved today, but yet still present in many ways => https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=pMwk3haZhioC&oi=fnd&pg=PA375&dq="alpha+male"+humans&ots=SrMkHFCCvA&sig=Rnp_ddiQSDD44CbHGCNJYJQLCKI#v=onepage&q="alpha male" humans&f=false

What part is out-of-line in my posting tonight?? I still say there is such thing as alpha male even though its not in the sense of lower animals. If you dont want to call someone like me an alpha male then what do you want to call me? "Better man", "greater man", "Superior man", "ideal sexual man"?? Tell me LOL. Apply whatever term you feel happy, but in real world not all humans are created the same and we all play different roles. Youre in Canada right?? So just like in hockey, you dont want your goalie leaving the net focused on scoring goals because thats not his strength and it plays against his/her weaknesses. Even though they can play defense, you want your Forward focused on assists/goal scoring. Similar to humans. When it comes to sex and reproduction, us Alphas are on top of the food chain...but when it comes to other areas in life we are not. Whereas, beta, gamma, omega men are weaker in the area of female dominance/reproduction they are great at having romance and long term relationships. If you think that your so-called "alpha man" is good at your long term relationship, Ill argue as a Black man til Im red in face hes not a true alpha. We literally suck in this area, there is articles to backup this and Im factoring my long time experience personally and with couples into it.

This is life, its a constant balance of light/dark, highs/lows, positives/negatives. Nothing is a "bad look". Its a bad look to you maybe because someone has courage and intelligence to call you out on things that are off-based. This is typical response to a Black man, when we speak up for ourselves or call someone out, we are "out of control","being loud", "cant control our emotions/anger", we are beasts lol. How about Im just a man with a rebuttal that passionately disagrees with you??

At end of day, youre on B2W to look for big black alpha dick to satisfy your married cunt... but go off sis! lol. Ill leave you to it.

(And Molly please stay focused on my original post, from my long experiences with couples and swinging.. I really do think its sound advice that can help your marriage)

You're joking right? That link definitely does not disprove any of the very comprehensive articles I provided from reputable sources.

You've provided your own high on yourself opinions based on literally nothing but your own narcissism.

What part of your posting is out of line? Seriously? You don't find the petty personal attacks out of line? A real man would be embarrassed.

I've already told you, based on the way you comport yourself, what I would refer to you as. Childish. Immature. Insecure. Pick one.

You don't suck in the areas of relationships because you're "alpha".. Look back through your posts and it's pretty obvious why you can't maintain a successful relationship. You're full of yourself to the point of narcissism, rude, express yourself poorly, refuse to take any feedback or critism.

What does you acting like a baby have to do with your race? I will call anyone out for behaving like this - and have. Look through my post history, most of the arguments I get into here are with other white people. Being black doesn't mean you can't be called out for acting shitty. You clearly can't control your emotions or you wouldn't have started a flame war and immediately made things personal for being called out on your bullshit lol

Also, for the record, I'm not here looking for big dick and I avoid anyone who has to constantly say they're an alpha lol I'm here because I love black men and am always happy to get something started with people I vibe with. Period.

Anything further you want to say make a new thread or take it to the DMs. I can pretty much guarentee this isn't what @Molly1980 was looking for when she posted. Sorry girl

 

[Molly1980]

Is there a reason you specifically want to approach this from the hotwife angle?

What's the draw for you? Having your husband watch? Having him be involved? Or just having other partners in general?

Other partners in general. This is not his fantasy and he has been very jealous in the past because it's my fantasy. My goal is to see if we can find common ground. If we can't then I won't get my fantasy and that's ok. I just want to see if he's willing to do this for me without scaring him away.

 

[Molly1980]

As he is an alpha male, well endowed and not submissive... is he going to decide he wants other women, and if he does, what type of response do you have for him. Most cucks enjoy or at least learn to live with having a cheating or promiscuous wife, and most like myself don't desire other women, largely because women don't desire small endowd, submissive men, so my options are very limited for sex outside of my marriage. But if he is none of those, will he want to explore his options, and how would deal with that? If he is alpha, are you not both better off getting into swinging?

Wow this is really insightful, I do not know answer to any of this

 

[Molly1980]

The Hotwife Lifestyle has to be mutually beneficial to both of you and more importantly, Honesty and Trust are paramount for it to succeed. Hubby wants to gauge where you stand in this new exploration in your marriage and wants it quantified so he can conduct a Cost-Benefit Analysis. I suggest you identify the perceived "benefits" and 'Cons" of Hotwifing. Also, listen to podcasts like Front Porch Swingers ..specifically episodes that address partners at odds with the lifestyle. You cannot rehearse the right answer because your husbands questions will trip you-up. Be honest with him and share with him your desires that will enhance your "relationship". Hopefully, you can correspond with other couples who experienced the same initial challenges to alleviate his concerns.

Thank you thank you, this makes sense. Exactly, I trip up with his questions, very accurate

 

[Molly1980]

I like your question. Not knowing your actual desires or intentions, i will just point out that maybe a good way to make him feel more secure is to ensure that the number 1 reason for wanting to explore new things is to enhance the relationship with your husband. Relationships can fall into a routine and sometimes get boring. Those of us with an open mind for each others desires can keep the fire burning by allowing each other some freedoms, supporting and even encouraging openening up to new kinks. Your adventure should always be used to enhance the relationship with your spouse. With that being said, I wish you lots of luck and happiness.

Is how I feel

 

[avaadore]

Other partners in general. This is not his fantasy and he has been very jealous in the past because it's my fantasy. My goal is to see if we can find common ground. If we can't then I won't get my fantasy and that's ok. I just want to see if he's willing to do this for me without scaring him away.

Have you considered other forms of non monogamy? There are many flavours.

He may be more amenable if it's "equal".

The issue with hotwifing is it requires active participation from your husband either as a cuck or a stag, but either way it doesn't work if he's not enthusiastic about it because the enjoyment of your escapades is the majority of the return for your partner in this type of relationship. If he's not super on board it won't work.

If he's considering it I would suggest swinging or trying a soft open and seeing how it goes. Swinging will only work if he's okay with seeing you have other partners and vice versa.

If he's okay with it but doesn't necessarily want it in his face, it can still work but you'll need to move very slowly and keep pretty immaculate communication while you're feeling things out.

I've actually taught a workshop or two at kink cons about ethical non monogamy - if you want to DM me I'm happy to help guide you. It can be a wonderful thing but it's very fragile in the beginning while everyone gets their footing.