Getting started

[antsrule]

Hi all. I just came back to this forum a week or two ago after a long break. Y’all got any pointers as to how I can meet a bull? I haven’t dated in years and I’m a little rusty. My husband will be leaving the country shortly for a few weeks and don’t want to miss my chance.

Cheers!

 

[MacNfries]

Y’all got any pointers as to how I can meet a bull?

So you're working within a deadline it appears ... of only a few weeks. To maximize your fun, you might consider an es.cort or dating service.
If you have a couple girlfriends at work maybe plan to go out a couple nights at some sports bars or where music & dancing is taking place. Some of the upscale motels usually have something going on. However, we know little about where you are, etc.

You haven't been married long AND you have a 3-4 year old at home and are wanting to "cheat" already, I guess to satisfy your curiosity of black men?
Personally I'd work on the marriage issue first ... talk with your husband when he gets home, tell him how you feel ... he might wish to share some info with you as well. Take an accessment of your appearance as well as his; often weight gain takes the charm right out of a marriage. Same with post partum depression after a new baby arrives. At any rate, seek out a marriage counselor to see what can be done. Maybe you've fallen out of love with him or the two of you have fallen out of love with each other ... its worth figuring out if it can be saved and revitalized. Divorce & being a single mom is not easy.

It seems you're willing to bail out of your marriage relationship just to experience something "new". I don't think you're going about it the right way, but then that's just me and I've only been married 24 years.

Good luck! Mac

 

[antsrule]

So you're working within a deadline it appears ... of only a few weeks. To maximize your fun, you might consider an es.cort or dating service.
If you have a couple girlfriends at work maybe plan to go out a couple nights at some sports bars or where music & dancing is taking place. Some of the upscale motels usually have something going on. However, we know little about where you are, etc.

You haven't been married long AND you have a 3-4 year old at home and are wanting to "cheat" already, I guess to satisfy your curiosity of black men?
Personally I'd work on the marriage issue first ... talk with your husband when he gets home, tell him how you feel ... he might wish to share some info with you as well. Take an accessment of your appearance as well as his; often weight gain takes the charm right out of a marriage. Same with post partum depression after a new baby arrives. At any rate, seek out a marriage counselor to see what can be done. Maybe you've fallen out of love with him or the two of you have fallen out of love with each other ... its worth figuring out if it can be saved and revitalized. Divorce & being a single mom is not easy.

It seems you're willing to bail out of your marriage relationship just to experience something "new". I don't think you're going about it the right way, but then that's just me and I've only been married 24 years.

Good luck! Mac

We have seen counsellors, we have tried therapy, I have tried talking with him, I’ve tried for the past 3 years. He doesn’t pay attention to either myself, or his daughtr. I got married young, it was my mistake, and I don’t want to leave either for the sake of my daughtr, but I don’t want to grow old unhappy either.

Maybe this ain’t the right path after all, I’m not sure, but I don’t know what else to do.

 

[MacNfries]

We have seen counsellors, we have tried therapy, I have tried talking with him, I’ve tried for the past 3 years. He doesn’t pay attention to either myself, or his daughtr. I got married young, it was my mistake, and I don’t want to leave either for the sake of my daughtr, but I don’t want to grow old unhappy either.

Maybe this ain’t the right path after all, I’m not sure, but I don’t know what else to do.

I can recall the first 5 or so years of our marriage we had some rather "tough patches." Marriage does take 2 working together; useless if only one is working at it. If he won't open up to talking it out then you're left with few options for sure. Life is short, however, and you do have a little one who needs a cohesive family.
I don't think anyone would expect you to practice celibacy if there's no love in the current marriage. I think hanging in a social group rather than pursuing specific types of men would work better. You need support which your friends can provide. Best of luck ... Mac

 

[Wboi]

We have seen counsellors, we have tried therapy, I have tried talking with him, I’ve tried for the past 3 years. He doesn’t pay attention to either myself, or his daughtr. I got married young, it was my mistake, and I don’t want to leave either for the sake of my daughtr, but I don’t want to grow old unhappy either.

Maybe this ain’t the right path after all, I’m not sure, but I don’t know what else to do.

You need to try to hook up with someone behind your husbands back, for some real exciting times, be discreet about it. When he's gone, check out where the dance clubs or nice bars where black guys go, and dress hot, and you'll get plenty of attention, and dance. Have a few drinks, have fun conversing, flirting. Go to a hotel or his place, or your place if it's safe. If no sex happens that night, get a few phone numbers, you'll meet one the next night, and have the sex of your life. It's your time now, be selfish, it's about you now, make it count good luck, you'll do great

 

[Harduk]

We have seen counsellors, we have tried therapy, I have tried talking with him, I’ve tried for the past 3 years. He doesn’t pay attention to either myself, or his daughtr. I got married young, it was my mistake, and I don’t want to leave either for the sake of my daughtr, but I don’t want to grow old unhappy either.

Maybe this ain’t the right path after all, I’m not sure, but I don’t know what else to do.

I know one thing only, Cath you get one life, I had a broadly similar situation and chose to grab life and live it the very best I can, it's too short to be perpetually unhappy. Best wishes x