Cucks and Wannabes: what has worked?

H

Highlife110

Male
From
US
For the Cucks and wannabes that are actively trying to bring their wife around to the idea, what has worked for you? I see the pinned "how to" thread, but I'm interested not in the overall beginning to end, but the specific things you've done at each step that have worked really well for you. I think the overall threads and advice have some gaps in them.

To my wife, my desire to see her fucked by black men would be way out of nowhere. For us wannabe Cucks we have a very specific fetish that we want to share with our wives, but we can't risk turning them off to us in the process, each step needs to be done delicately. So I'm interested in the minute details.

Example, we all know watching interracial porn with your wife is an important step. My wife and I have watched porn together in the past, and if you're like me I only watch IR and am not aroused at all by porn with white guys.

If you choose IR everytime your wife is going to notice and ask about it, and this is where advice falls short. Your answer has to a) make clear it was intentional, b) explain why you prefer IR, c) make clear that you only want to watch (or at least prefer) IR moving forward, but also VERY important d) can't blindside her too much. This early in the process I can't just tell my wife I'm only turned on by watching white girls fuck BBC.

That's where I've choked in the past. She's asked me what type of porn I watch, and maybe even been a little intrigued after noticing I always "happen" to pick IR, but without a good reason for why it needs to be BBC I've acted like it just happened to be what I picked. That doesn't establish the specific turn on with her at all. How do you explain it to her while also being clear you're not gay, freaking her out, etc.? Same thing with cuckold, which she once asked me about after a radio show was talking about it. She asked if I thought it was crazy, in that moment you want to crack the door open that it is interesting without kicking it down that you're obsessed with the idea of her riding black cock.

So I'm curious where people have had success doing these things specifically. What do you tell her why you only watch IR porn, why you got her a realistic black dildo, etc., things to tackle before you fully open up about cuckolding. Even if we never got all the way to cuckold it would be a huge turn on just getting her on board with watching IR porn exclusively.
 
Highlife110 said:
For the Cucks and wannabes that are actively trying to bring their wife around to the idea, what has worked for you? I see the pinned "how to" thread, but I'm interested not in the overall beginning to end, but the specific things you've done at each step that have worked really well for you. I think the overall threads and advice have some gaps in them.

To my wife, my desire to see her fucked by black men would be way out of nowhere. For us wannabe Cucks we have a very specific fetish that we want to share with our wives, but we can't risk turning them off to us in the process, each step needs to be done delicately. So I'm interested in the minute details.

Example, we all know watching interracial porn with your wife is an important step. My wife and I have watched porn together in the past, and if you're like me I only watch IR and am not aroused at all by porn with white guys.

If you choose IR everytime your wife is going to notice and ask about it, and this is where advice falls short. Your answer has to a) make clear it was intentional, b) explain why you prefer IR, c) make clear that you only want to watch (or at least prefer) IR moving forward, but also VERY important d) can't blindside her too much. This early in the process I can't just tell my wife I'm only turned on by watching white girls fuck BBC.

That's where I've choked in the past. She's asked me what type of porn I watch, and maybe even been a little intrigued after noticing I always "happen" to pick IR, but without a good reason for why it needs to be BBC I've acted like it just happened to be what I picked. That doesn't establish the specific turn on with her at all. How do you explain it to her while also being clear you're not gay, freaking her out, etc.? Same thing with cuckold, which she once asked me about after a radio show was talking about it. She asked if I thought it was crazy, in that moment you want to crack the door open that it is interesting without kicking it down that you're obsessed with the idea of her riding black cock.

So I'm curious where people have had success doing these things specifically. What do you tell her why you only watch IR porn, why you got her a realistic black dildo, etc., things to tackle before you fully open up about cuckolding. Even if we never got all the way to cuckold it would be a huge turn on just getting her on board with watching IR porn exclusively.
Click to expand...
We have done porn and the dildo
 
IR is not step A, she must be curios about another cock before take a bbc cock. First you should buy a big dildo visually diffrent from your cock, use it when you are having sex, in several times she would start to be unsatisfied with your cock and imagine another bigger cock fucking her. Then buy another bigger black one, use it in sex, dp her, occasionally without using your cock. When she takes dp without your cock gladly, she is curios enough to know something new, now you can move to the IR porn step.
 
I used the completely outlandish concept of actually talking with my gf about it.

As I’ve had open relationships previously, one of the things I wanted to do was be completely honest with my gf right out of the gate. Yes I was totally freaked that she might react negatively to the concept but I was honest about it with her because I trusted her.

Initially she said that being with another man wasn’t for her and I said that was fine but I told her she knew my thoughts and willingness on the subject and if she ever changed her mind or had more questions, the door was always open. I left it at that. That was four years ago.

Since that time, there have been times (in movies, conversations, etc, where the topic would come up and she would ask questions (Did I want to be with other women, what’s involved, how does it work, why aren’t/wouldn’t I be jealous, etc.)

I’ve always answered her questions honestly and left it at that. I never pressured, hinted at, or otherwise tried to influence her.

As for my gf, her questions have become more pointed about the “how’s” vs the “why’s”.
Fantasy talk has turned to revealing she is attracted to a guy that used to be a co-worker, and that she has flirted with him when he worked with her and even now that they are just FB friends.

Working from that premise she’s approached him and we’ve progressed from a couple of coffee dates where she sees that I’m fine with her flirting with him, him with her and me totally fine with it all to some bedroom fantasy play with his name coming up and what she’d be comfortable with, how far she would like to take things (all the way as it turns out)

Now if Covid would cooperate, we’ve been trying to have him over for dinner at our place where my gf would like to see if things will go farther.

I know I wrote a veritable novel here but ultimately what I’m trying to illustrate is that if you want to take this out of fantasyland, you need to actively communicate with your partner.

Nothing is a guarantee of course but she won’t know what’s on your mind unless you actually talk with her. Give her the credit she deserves as an intelligent woman and your partner and be honest with her.

One great communication tool that has worked very well in all my relationships is open fantasy talk. It’s a great tool to to get to know what your partner is interested in but a very important foundation/ground rule to set right from the start is that the discussion involves no judgement from either party.

If you or she reveals a fantasy that just shocks the living shot out of you, it’s important to not flip out, not run off screaming but discuss it a bit and see if it’s strictly in the realm of fantasy or if it’s something you/she actually want to make happen. If it’s something you aren’t comfortable with personally then offer to make it happen for her in some other way.

I have personally found the “no judgement” rule to be really helpful with allowing both parties to reveal some pretty interesting stuff.

Cheers!
 
KRG said:
I used the completely outlandish concept of actually talking with my gf about it.

As I’ve had open relationships previously, one of the things I wanted to do was be completely honest with my gf right out of the gate. Yes I was totally freaked that she might react negatively to the concept but I was honest about it with her because I trusted her.

Initially she said that being with another man wasn’t for her and I said that was fine but I told her she knew my thoughts and willingness on the subject and if she ever changed her mind or had more questions, the door was always open. I left it at that. That was four years ago.

Since that time, there have been times (in movies, conversations, etc, where the topic would come up and she would ask questions (Did I want to be with other women, what’s involved, how does it work, why aren’t/wouldn’t I be jealous, etc.)

I’ve always answered her questions honestly and left it at that. I never pressured, hinted at, or otherwise tried to influence her.

As for my gf, her questions have become more pointed about the “how’s” vs the “why’s”.
Fantasy talk has turned to revealing she is attracted to a guy that used to be a co-worker, and that she has flirted with him when he worked with her and even now that they are just FB friends.

Working from that premise she’s approached him and we’ve progressed from a couple of coffee dates where she sees that I’m fine with her flirting with him, him with her and me totally fine with it all to some bedroom fantasy play with his name coming up and what she’d be comfortable with, how far she would like to take things (all the way as it turns out)

Now if Covid would cooperate, we’ve been trying to have him over for dinner at our place where my gf would like to see if things will go farther.

I know I wrote a veritable novel here but ultimately what I’m trying to illustrate is that if you want to take this out of fantasyland, you need to actively communicate with your partner.

Nothing is a guarantee of course but she won’t know what’s on your mind unless you actually talk with her. Give her the credit she deserves as an intelligent woman and your partner and be honest with her.

One great communication tool that has worked very well in all my relationships is open fantasy talk. It’s a great tool to to get to know what your partner is interested in but a very important foundation/ground rule to set right from the start is that the discussion involves no judgement from either party.

If you or she reveals a fantasy that just shocks the living shot out of you, it’s important to not flip out, not run off screaming but discuss it a bit and see if it’s strictly in the realm of fantasy or if it’s something you/she actually want to make happen. If it’s something you aren’t comfortable with personally then offer to make it happen for her in some other way.

I have personally found the “no judgement” rule to be really helpful with allowing both parties to reveal some pretty interesting stuff.

Cheers!
Click to expand...
This is some of the best advice I've seen on this site. I hate the stupid "how to" threads, and that one of them is pinned in these forums. There is no step-by-step guide for this lifestyle. People are different, and what works for each couple will be different. But there are two things I think are fairly universal:

1. Communication is the only thing that matters. That means being able to openly tell her about your desires. This is your wife we're talking about here. She's your life partner. It's heartbreaking for me to hear about couples who can't talk to each other, because I can't imagine how paralyzing it would feel to have something I can't tell my wife. My wife is the one person I know I can confide in no matter what. It was like this long before we started cuckolding, and is the foundation of our relationship. I've learned all relationships are different and not everyone shares at the level my wife and I do, but cuckoldry definitely adds a level of complication to the relationship. If you do go down this path, you're both going to have feelings you weren't necessarily expecting, and you're going to need to be able to work through them together as a couple. I can't imagine how you'd do that if you're at all shy about talking to your wife about ANYTHING. It's my firm belief that if you can't tell your wife about your fantasies without fear of judgment, THAT'S the first thing to work on. You don't need tips on influencing your wife to cuckold you. In my opinion, you need help getting your relationship to the point where there aren't things the two of you can't talk about together.

2. You can't make your wife like this stuff if she is already averse to it. Being scared about how she'll react is somewhat irrelevant, because if she's not into the idea, it's not going to happen. It won't be because you blew it when you introduced the idea. That said, it is possible for her thoughts to evolve. Maybe she will initially think it's not for her and gradually find more appeal in it as the two of you talk more about it. But you can't trick her into liking it if she doesn't. She'll probably tell you which side of that fence she's on if you open up and talk to her about it.

Everything else is bullshit. Interracial porn may be helpful to some people, but it is not "a very important piece" for everyone. Rarely is my wife in the mood to watch porn at all, so we don't do it together all that often, and the first time I showed her some BBC porn, she said, "ouch! I just feel sorry for that tiny girl." Years later, she found herself salivating over Luke Cage when we watched that show, and she told me she's always found black men attractive. Conversation blossomed from there, not the porn. If your wife ISN'T into black men, I think it's unlikely that any suggestion you make will cause her to be into black men. She may gradually decide it might be a fun idea to entertain, but it seems highly unlikely for a woman to say, "my husband thinks IR porn is hot. I've never been attracted to black men, but now that I know he wants me to, I think I'll try it." It has to at least be intriguing to her, and I think it's unlikely that the way you handle yourself during your small talk after watching an IR porno together is going to be the deciding factor in whether the idea of trying it herself has any appeal to her.

Highlife110, as you acknowledge in your response to the post I'm quoting here, you can't ******* your fantasy on your wife. Recognizing that is a great first step. But you also constructed a difference between your relationship and KRG's, to rationalize why you can't take his advice. He said "right off the bat" he talked to his wife, and you said you can't because you've been with yours for ten years. That shouldn't matter in the slightest. The things my wife and I do evolve constantly. We talk about things that interest us, we both listen to what the other has to say about it, we talk about ways it might work to experiment with various ideas, and we grow together as a couple as the relationship evolves. We've been together more than 20 years, married for most of those years, and only started cuck play 3 or 4 years ago, so it probably really was at least 10 years in when we first talked about it. It didn't happen all at once, and what our cuckoldry looks like now is nothing like what it looked like when we started. Over the years, I've brought up plenty of things I fantasize about that she wasn't into. So we don't do them. But she doesn't think badly of me for having those fantasies, and the conversations didn't ruin us. When we both know each other's desires, we can find the ones that work for both of us. Having an open relationship worked for us for a time. Some femdom ideas have interested her (she keeps me in chastity, for example). She's into some kink, but she's not usually into hard BDSM, and doesn't like pegging, so we never adopted those things. But because we communicate, she knows those ideas turn me on, so now that she cuckolds me and gets to be with other men, every once in a blue moon she lends me out to dominant women to serve them. She's decided my dick will never be inside another woman, so when she does lens me out to others, I'm caged and can't have regular sex with them. But in addition to having me service them orally, they can peg me or flog me, for instance. It's a way my wife and I found for some of my fantasies to be realized, in a way that works within the cuckold dynamic that we have built together. She never feels pressured to do things she's not into and doesn't make me feel bad about the things that turn me on. As it turns out, it's also made her more curious about some of it, and has influenced the way she plays with me as a Domme, while also giving her ideas about ways she wants to explore her submissive side with her bulls.

Obviously, not everyone's path will be shaped the way ours has. But that's my whole point. I'm not giving you our history so you can glean a set of step-by-step instructions. I'm trying to stress that relationships evolve organically, and talking to your wife is the only first step. There are no workarounds. Anyone who tells you there's a universal instruction manual or guide to this lifestyle is lying to you. Even calling this a "lifestyle" is misleading, because everybody does it completely differently. Some are into chastity, some are repulsed by it. Some guys are into the idea of introducing other men because they're bi or bi-curious, others want no contact with men at all and that's not what any of this is about. Some like to be submissive to their wives full time, others may like it situationally or as one of many types of roleplay. Some aren't submissive at all and want to call the shots regarding who their women will fuck. Some women are size queens, others aren't. Some get off on the power play and will cuck their man with stronger men, while some are turned off by machismo or men they see as overly aggressive. Some like physically involving their husbands while others like to put on a good show. Some just like to go out and get what they want from someone else, and come back to their husbands and their otherwise conventional lives. Some are turned on specifically by being with black men, and some might not care about race or skin color. Some might really like the idea of letting a stranger or someone they just met fuck them, while some might be more comfortable making an FWB out of a coworker. There's no single recipe here. It's just something the two of you will have to navigate together, and that starts with getting your thoughts out in the open and giving her space to process them. It means really listening to her and what she wants, and finding steps you are both sure you want to take together. There can't be pressure, there can't be assumptions, and there can't be secrets. You just need a strong and healthy enough foundation to trust that a conversation about a fantasy won't hurt your relationship. If you're both committed to honesty, protecting each other and your relationship, and listening to everything your partner says, there shouldn't be any reason to worry about how she'll react to what you have to say. Just as she needs to know you're not going to judge her for the parts she enjoys or pressure her to do things she knows she doesn't want, YOU need to know she will love and accept you no matter what you fantasize about, whether she wants to try every one of those fantasies with you or not.

Don't get too caught up in the ingredients (he's gotta be black, he's gotta be big, he's gotta be alpha, you've gotta clean up his cum, you've gotta wear a cage, yadda yadda yadda). There's no right or wrong way to do this. Just start an honest dialog, be open about your feelings, be receptive to hers, and see where things take you. Even if it doesn't look exactly like what you're picturing now, I think it's a kind of relationship worth striving for. It's infinitely more sustainable, will likely open up doors to experiences you may never have gotten to have otherwise, and will almost certainly get the two of you to a place more rewarding than your current situation.
 
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firewaterfox said:
Honestly I only read a portion of what you wrote because you come off so weak.. Sorry to be harsh but that is the nature of reality. My advice to you as a male that is really intense personality-wise, but submissive when it comes to the BBC hotwife/cuckold lifestyle is... don't be weak. No one likes people who are weak... they are like gerbils or rodents that will be tolerated for a time but wont spend their life opining for... Learn to love yourself and the vision you have for your life and if there are those in your life that are worth it, guide them toward the promise land...
Click to expand...
You speak the truth!! Im all man and very dom, but always wanted to see my wife with a black guy or multiple black men. About two months ago I finally was honest with her and just came out and told her. She was a little reluctant at first, but now i have her craving it. We met our first bull Saturday night at a bar and she want up sucking him off in our car till he shot a huge load in her mouth and she swallowed it all up!! Was so hot.. she is gonna fuck him next time we see him. Hopefully real soon.
 
Rogersd29 said:
Step a was telling her
Click to expand...
Yep I agree! This is why whenever I am asked how to get a wife interested I always tell them:

1. Plan a date night and make sure she is either fully ******* or has has at least 3 good drinks and is good and buzzed!

2. During your sexual activities put on some interracial porn with a white chick similar to her taking bbc.

3. Tell her how sexy you think it is and ask her:
A. Does she find this interracial porn sexy? (Particularly how she feels about watching the actress fake that bbc?)
B. Now ask her if she thinks that she could take a bbc?
C. Ask her if she would be willing to fulfill your fantasy of taking a bbc if you wanted her to do it?

Understand that a woman's primary hangup from what I have heard from women is the fact that they don't believe that their husband's could handle them getting fucked by another man let alone a black man. They tend to refuse because they believe it will ruin their relationship!
 
JemmaNye&Herbi said:
This is some of the best advice I've seen on this site. I hate the stupid "how to" threads, and that one of them is pinned in these forums. There is no step-by-step guide for this lifestyle. People are different. But there are two things I think are fairly universal:

1. Communication is the only thing that matters. This is your wife we're talking about here. She's your life partner. It's heartbreaking for me to hear about couples who can't talk to each other, because I can't imagine how paralyzing it would feel to have something I can't tell my wife. My wife is the one person I know I can confide in no matter what. It was like this long before we started cuckolding, and is the foundation of our relationship. I've learned all relationships are different and not everyone shares at the level my wife and I do, but cuckoldry definitely adds a level of complication to the relationship. If you do go down this path, you're both going to have feelings you weren't necessarily expecting, and you're going to need to be able to work through them together as a couple. I can't imagine how you'd do that if you're at all shy about talking to your wife about ANYTHING. It's my firm belief that if you can't tell your wife about your fantasies without fear of judgment, THAT'S the first thing to work on. You don't need tips on influencing your wife to cuckold you. In my opinion, you need help getting your relationship to the point where there aren't things the two of you can't talk about together.

2. You can't make your wife like this if she is averse to it. Being scared about how she'll react is somewhat irrelevant, because if she's not into the idea, it's not going to happen. It won't be because you blew it when you introduced the idea. If anything, maybe she will initially think it's not for her and gradually find more appeal in it as the two of you talk more.

Everything else is bullshit. IR porn is not "a very important piece." Rarely is my wife in the mood to watch porn at all, so we don't do it together all that often, and the first time I showed her some BBC porn, she said, "ouch! I just feel sorry for that tiny girl." Years later, she found herself salivating over Luke Cage when we watched that show, and she told me she's always found black men attractive. Conversation blossomed from there, not the porn. If your wife ISN'T into black men, I think it's unlikely that any suggestion you make will cause her to be into black men. She may gradually decide it might be a fun idea to entertain, but it seems highly unlikely for a woman to say, "my husband thinks IR porn is hot. I've never been attracted to black men, but now that I know he wants me to, I think I'll try it." It has to at least be intriguing to her, and I think it's unlikely that the way you handle yourself during your small talk after an IR porno is going to be the deciding factor in whether the idea of trying it herself has any appeal to her.

Highlife110, as you acknowledge in your response to the post I'm quoting here, you can't ******* your fantasy on her. Recognizing that's a great first step. But you also constructed a difference between your relationship and KRG's, to rationalize why you can't take his advice, because he said "right off the bat" he talked to his wife and you've been with yours for ten years. That shouldn't matter in the slightest. The things my wife and I do evolves constantly. We talk about things that interest us, we both listen to what the other has to say about it, we talk about ways it might work to experiment with various ideas, and we grow together as a couple as the relationship evolves. We've been together more than 20 years, married for most of those years, and only started cuck play 3 or 4 years ago. And what our cuckoldry looks like now is nothing like what it looked like when we started. Over the years, I've brought up plenty of things I fantasize about that she wasn't into. So we don't do them. But she doesn't think badly of me for having them. When we both know each other's desires, we can find the ones that work for both of us. Having an open relationship worked for us for a time. Some femdom ideas interested her (she keeps me in chastity, for example). She's into some kink, but she's not into hard BDSM, and doesn't like pegging. She knows those ideas turn me on, but we never adopted then because they didn't turn her on Now that she cuckolds me and gets to be with other men, every once in a blue moon she lends me out to dominant women to serve them. I'm caged and can't have regular sex with them, but it's resulted in some of my fantasies being realized and works within the dynamic my wife and I have built. As it turns out, it's made her curious about some of it, and has influenced the way she plays with me, while also giving her ideas about ways she wants to explore her submissive side with her bulls.

Obviously, not everyone's path will be shaped the way ours has. But that's my whole point. I'm not giving you our history so you can glean a set of instructions. I'm trying to stress that relationships evolve organically. Even calling this a "lifestyle" is misleading, because everybody does it completely differently. Some are into chastity, some are repulsed by it. Some guys are into the idea because they're bi or bi-curious, others want no contact with men at all and that's not what any of this is about. Some like to be submissive to their wives full time, others may like it situationally or as one of many types of roleplay, others aren't submissive at all and want to call the shots regarding who their women will fuck. Some women are size queens, others aren't. Some get off on the power play and will cuck their man with stronger men, while some are turned off by machismo or men they see as overly aggressive. Some are turned on specifically by being with black men, and some might not care about race or skin color. Some might think the idea of letting a stranger or someone they just met fuck them, while some might be more comfortable making an FWB out of a coworker. There's no single recipe here. It's just something the two of you will have to navigate together, and that starts with getting your thoughts out in the open and giving her space to process them. It means really listening to her and what she wants, and finding steps you are both sure you want to take together. There can't be pressure, there can't be assumptions, and there can't be secrets. You just need a strong and healthy enough foundation to trust that a conversation about a fantasy won't hurt it. If you're both committed to honesty, protecting each other and your relationship, listening to everything your partner says, there shouldn't be worry about how she'll react to what you have to say. Just as she needs to know you're not going to judge her for the parts she enjoys or pressure her to do things she knows she doesn't want, YOU need to know she will accept you no matter what you fantasize about, whether she wants to try every one of them with you or not.

Don't get too caught up in the ingredients (he's gotta be black, he's gotta be big, he's gotta be alpha, you've gotta clean up his cum, you've gotta wear a cage, yadda yadda yadda). There's no right or wrong way to do this. Just start an honest dialog, be open about your feelings, be receptive to hers, and see where things take you. Even if it doesn't look exactly like what you're picturing it now, I think it's a kind of relationship worth striving for. It's infinitely more sustainable, will almost certainly open up doors to experiences you may never have gotten to have otherwise, and will get you to a place more rewarding than your situation is now.
Click to expand...
Also one of the best “no bs” posts I’ve seen written on the site! Well written and excellent points.
 
firewaterfox said:
It's moreso of a leadership role. When you know the job that needs to get done, do you falter or do you provide your guidance? It's never in an aggressive 'you must do', unless it comes to my family's well-being... We love jesters and those who add comedy to our life... but those who try to portray themselves as 'alpha' purely in a sexual sense is a joke. We are an open-minded couple that are open to new ideas or ways of thought... but if I don't agree with someone I would at least like to hear them out and TRY to find some sort of common ground.

On a lighter note, to respond to your original inquiry... just consistently show her blacked.com HI-DEF videos of those oiled up pussies being stretched by BBC.. as my wife says "it's so natural..."
Click to expand...
My wife got into the blackedraw version. That’s when I knew she has an inner freak to say the least.
 
Bigfunfun said:
Interracial porn is far more effective then a fake BBC
Click to expand...
The porn actually can open up the hidden, and even unknown to her, desires. I didn’t know how attracted I would be to BBC until IR porn came into my life. The Big Black Dildo was just the next step for me and also my wife. We haven’t gotten her blacked yet but she loves playing out the idea. Just last week she mentioned sucking a BBC down her throat as I fucked her.
 
one2submit said:
The porn actually can open up the hidden, and even unknown to her, desires. I didn’t know how attracted I would be to BBC until IR porn came into my life. The Big Black Dildo was just the next step for me and also my wife. We haven’t gotten her blacked yet but she loves playing out the idea. Just last week she mentioned sucking a BBC down her throat as I fucked her.
Click to expand...
Good for her she’s about ready now
 
mkak47 said:
IR is not step A, she must be curios about another cock before take a bbc cock. First you should buy a big dildo visually diffrent from your cock, use it when you are having sex, in several times she would start to be unsatisfied with your cock and imagine another bigger cock fucking her. Then buy another bigger black one, use it in sex, dp her, occasionally without using your cock. When she takes dp without your cock gladly, she is curios enough to know something new, now you can move to the IR porn step.
Click to expand...
That’s what I’m working on doing right now
 
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