Allow the maiding?

My husband and I have split after almost 30 yrs of marriage for no other reason other than I feel we have just come to the end of the line emotionally. I have had my current physical relationship with A N other for almost a year and have felt I needed my own space for quiet some time. My estranged husband and I are however cordial and remain good friends.

Previously during my three long term affairs, of which my husband was fully aware he exprssed a desire to be my maidI went along with this initially so he could benefit in some small way. I started to enjoy the dynamic a little more though when everything was happily done for me and rather liked coming home to nice clean home.

He was a little upset at our parting and asked if he could still maid for me at my new flat, I said no Pu he has now come back with an offer of maid for me on Saturday mornings and just some general cleaning laundry and tidying up. Should I allow this ?
I think I may understand your estranged husband’s desire (and need) to be a maid for you. As a white male, I lost my male or masculine identity or sense of self-worth. It has been replaced with a servant identity, and my value is in pleasing my Superiors. I mop floors, shine shoes, mow yards, vacuum, and anything else required. Being a household domestic or a yard boy helps me to maintain my identity and makes me complete. Your estranged husband may have the same perspective that I do. If so, then I would say, yes, please allow him to maid for you on Saturday. You will be helping him to fulfill his purpose, and you will be getting a clean house. It's a win-win.
This arrangement worked well until I unfortunately lost my job and struggled to keep up with my rental payments and consequently moved back into my ex husband home. Unfortunately he took that to mean the end of separation and divorce. I quickly put him right but I felt he thought there was still hope. He eventually accepted this and I have another flat and job. He would now like to go back to our previous maiding arrangement at weekends. Can't help feel should I do this it will give him hope where there isn't any.

Ok so it boils down to some math. So where does the math take you? Hmmm.... it worked before with positive outcomes. You had a safe harbor when "your" system failed and in that he helped you respectfully. You remain cordial and are friends. He accepted your terms and helped you out. I'm not sure what harm some 'hope' would bring to another human being who seems to be an ace in your hole AND who is offering to help you too. Clearly you are driving the relationship and stand to win again. Nope, no thoughts here. Anyone?


Sweet & Cordial
Gold Member
He would now like to go back to our previous maiding arrangement at weekends. Can't help feel should I do this it will give him hope where there isn't any
Well, the answer would depend, I think, on whether you're going to run back to him if/when the same situation occurs again. Something says you would, as he is YOUR security blanket. So, I guess maybe you should play the game a while longer until another fool enters your life. Burning bridges can be KARMA.
Good luck ... Mac