Why men flake

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Judgemeso, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. Judgemeso

    Judgemeso New Member

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    Hey Guys, New to the forum here.

    I haven't seen any topics dedicated to this and i wanted to get some opinions on this and give mine.

    So about five years ago I was invited to a gang bang set up by a couple. If I remember right they were new to swinging and this was their Second maybe third set up. After corresponding with them by email they told me That there were going to be 15 or 20 men present and that it was going to be an all out wild time.

    So the day comes and I show up and she has her den all set up. Long story short two other men show up. I felt bad for them because it was obviously a big let down. I mean I had a great time and she ended up having a good time but still.

    I've come to find out this is very common and that surprised me. Guys are such horn dogs and here are available nsa women and they can't get men to follow through.

    So I've come to a couple conclusions, a) the guys are lying to begin with, b) they are married or whatever and can't get out the house or c) they're just plain scared.

    What do you guys and gals think?
     
  2. sweetginny

    sweetginny Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    I have had the same thing happen to me. I think you are correct in your conclusions. With the possibility that including a Star Trek episode that is coming on that he has only seen 8 times.

    I've had to cancel at the last minute some times. Things come up and they have to be dealt with. But I let my date know. And why. Usually we get together later. No harm done.

    I know there are internet voyeurs out there. But 12 or more guys not showing up? There is no excuse for that kind of rude behavior.

    What pisses me off is when someone promises me that a favourite of mine will be at a party. Later I find out he had no intentions of going that night. A ploy on the part of the hostess to get more girls there.
     
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  3. dandb

    dandb Member Real Person Gold Member

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    We have had it happen to us more then once. The first no show was actually the going to be our first experience. After messaging back in forth for 2 weeks and bragging about what he was bringing, talking on the phone, and confirming 2 hours before we left the house he ended up flaking out on us. It was very rude and inconsiderate.Never heard from again. There was another guy we were corresponding with that we contacted that same night and he did show up at the hotel so the night ended really good. It was his loss, a very sexy woman all dressed up and looking hot was so horny. I remember how nervous she was and how she was so wet that she soaked through her panties.There are a lot of voyeurs on all the sites. I think it is a fantasy to some and they just are nervous about taking that initial step to make the fantasy a reality. Some guys are some phishing for pics and some dirty talk and will lead people on to get it. Usually you can tell when the message you get from them is simply "Hey". After you respond they are asking for titty or pussy pics within the next couple messages.... We have also seen many fakes. Using pics of people from other sites that we have actually met before. Not sure if they are white guys, teenagers, or simply douche bags... We have became much more diligent nowadays... We have kids and both of us have careers keeping us extremely busy. We do not get many nights that we can go have adult fun and stay at a hotel when people are no shows they do not get 2nd chances. All it takes is a message or a quick phone call to let people know what is going on...... Nice topic though thanks for thinking of it.
     
  4. tenoaks10

    tenoaks10 New Member

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    I can only speak for myself and not for other guys. For starters, I am new to the lifestyle and have never fuck a woman in front of her husband. Now, I've participated in a few orgies but that is me showing up with a girl ready to be part of the show with other couples. For myself, I am having a issue with the idea of showing up alone and playing with someone else property. I mean for most of my life I've play the game pretty straight, see a woman I like, introduce myself, share a few laughs, get a good vibe going and later play my part in some great HOT sweaty sex. This lifestyle was taboo, why would a guy share his woman after all the hard work with someone just showing up with a smile and a hard dick. Now that I am in my forties I am curious and interested in specific taboo sexual subject. Where I am open to new experiences, I am not ready to jump in without some caution. I believe for my first encounter to happen it will need to be with some people that is willing to get to know me a little and make the situation comfortable and safe. Seen to many guys get into fights over women. Not wanting to or need to spend the weekend in jail because someone husband changed his mind and got jealous.
     
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  5. bm_from_southjersey

    bm_from_southjersey Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Good responses.

    I think all of the aforementioned reasons are true, and I also think another reason for the "flaking" is maturity level. I have no way of knowing because nobody included the information, but I would bet that in the majority of the cases where a couple or woman sets a date with a guy who pulls a "no call, no show" that the guy is in his early to mid 20's and relatively inexperienced in this lifestyle. That's not to say that guy's in their 30's or older don't do it, but people with maturity and experience in this lifestyle are sensitive to the amount of time that people have to spend preparing for these arrangements (for example, getting a babysitter) and tend to be more considerate.
     
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  6. sweetginny

    sweetginny Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    I'm sure age has a lot to do with it, but I don't play with men under 35 and I have had no show/no call situations. I'll give them a second chance and, once again, no show/no call. I tell them point blank that I will no longer see them and they still contact me and try to get together. Like nothing happened. I guess they figure they are some kind of stud muffin and I'm a slave to their charms. lol
     
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  7. flashy4sure

    flashy4sure Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    Good thread. We live in a rural area and have very limited time to "play". When we plan to meet with someone(s), we expect them to follow through. We extend the same courtesy to swingers that we do to our straight friends. My wife is very curvy and attractive. If we share her with someone, it is a special gift that should be treated with respect. Civility in swinging (and in life in general) should be the rule.
     
  8. WhtKitty

    WhtKitty Well-Known Member

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    My husband and I have been in the swinging lifestyle for years. We've been on other sites as a couple, and still have those profiles. We have made some wonderful friends. Life long, can call them when we are in a bind, kind of friends.
    I've mentioned a few times on here I have a full time bf. He's black and we met him as a single male in the L.S. He is my husband's best friend. This man spends holidays with our family. My kids turn to him like an uncle. He's family now. Period. Even if our physical relationship ended he would still be in our everyday life's. I like to think our kids and his don't know, but I'm probably the only one under that delusion.
    As for the topic of flakes.... It took years to get to a place we fit in and made these friends. The best advice I can give is don't rush it. Go to some social clubs, house parties, brick and mortar clubs. Make friends. And women.... Cut these men, married or single, some slack. It's hard to perform at the drop of a hat when you're being watched. That's a lot of pressure.
     
  9. 4POWER

    4POWER Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    I can be bf#2 :inlove:
     
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  10. WhtKitty

    WhtKitty Well-Known Member

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    Only if you'll do the helicopter whenever I want to see it!!!
     
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  11. 4POWER

    4POWER Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    No Problem! Deal! And u have to be right in front of daddy on ur knees getting slap
     
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  12. dandb

    dandb Member Real Person Gold Member

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    We always spend time breaking the ice and getting to know more about each other through emails and phone conversations. Some people think that messaging "too much" is boring and a waste of their time. If the plan is to meet up in person and in the near future why not use some of the time before the meet to get to know the basics about each other. It is also a good idea to make sure everyone is on the same page and what to expect. We for example, are not into any type of domination/submissive life style. That is a very important factor for some people. The whole demeaning "cuckold" thing is a far cry from what we are about also. It isn't like we give a room number out to some stranger and just walks in the room and he starts in with the wife. Some people are into that but when you take the time to find out what each others likes and dislikes are it just seems to go more smoothly and everyone is more comfortable in the situation. We like to meet at a public place, have drinks or coffee, listen to some music, have some thought provoking discussions. Basically make sure we all "click". If everything goes well we move forward, whether that is meeting at a later time, going to dinner, maybe even a gentlemens club OR going somewhere private which we seem to always know when the time is right. I also can understand why someone would find it odd or uncomfortable doing someone's wife while the guy is in the room. It is not like in the porn movies for us. The movies where the hubby is sitting there looking all depressed while his wife berates him.. that shit is actually funny. The wife in everyday life is a career woman, active in the community, school functions, let's just say she has a lot of shit going on. Well discussing things that turn her on it became apparent she is very attracted sexual to black men and she really enjoys well endowed men. She also has a naughty side that I love to see come out. She loves being bad in front of me and I would rather watch her live and in person then any girl in some movie. So we decided to try out this Hot wife lifestyle and explore the wild side of life while we still have time. There has never been a shortage of guys willing to take care of business as I snap some pics and maybe some short vids. After we swipe any faces and identifying marks then double check there are no face pics or anything in the background the guy usually gets a set of hot pics and new friends outta the deal.
     
  13. WhtKitty

    WhtKitty Well-Known Member

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    I can so relate to what you said "while we still have time". That is the exact reason we stopped playing with couples and opted for an open marriage. It can be to hard to "click" with another couple. We are going to be old one day and this will be a thing of the past. This is going to give us a lot to look back on and enjoy talking about.
     
  14. dandb

    dandb Member Real Person Gold Member

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    We have never even attempted meeting couples, we have discussed it. It really isn't something that I have a huge desire to try. We have been together for almost 20yrs now. Have had good times, bad times, and hard times but went through it all together. I would not be where I am today or have the things I cherish the most without her. One night we were discussing the lifestyle years ago and it turned her on a lot and got her very "excited" which made me "excited". I knew she wanted to try the lifestyle and when I thought about it at first it was awkard. When she told me she really wanted me to be there it felt awkward. So we started researching it online and I could not believe how many people were into it. We never knew or heard any of the terms like bbc, queen of spades, hotwife, ect. So after laying down some ground rules and reading about the positives and the negatives we made the move....... So here we were, newbies on an adult dating site. We learned really fast that there were a very large amount of fakes. Most of them wanted to chat, and that was it chat. Which we tried a few times. The first thing most of them asked.... wait for it..... "you like black dick".. We thought, really that is your opening line. Our user name makes it obvious what we were looking for so then came the bombardment of requests from all these white guys who "wished their wife would go black". Which is fine, to each their own. But why are they on a website that is supposed to be used for hooking up and and adult encounters without the wife. Maybe they should go have a conversation with their wife instead of a playing pretend on a site thats purpose is to meet people to fuck.
     
  15. dandb

    dandb Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Although we have wondered if there are black couples or interracial couples with a black male that have a wifes/GF that want to see the guy in action with another wife. We think that would be hot. A woman cheering her man on. It might sound like a footgame "Go deep honey"..... Basketball "take it to the hole"... swimming "muffdiving".... Baseball "hit it hard"
     
    #15 dandb, Nov 6, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2015
  16. PDubbs

    PDubbs Member Real Person

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    I always showed up but making the time work for all parties is always difficult. Only time I flaked out was on here and only because I had begun a conversation with a local couple about meeting, exchanged numbers and all that but then got into a relationship outside of this lifestyle so now I'm here mainly as an observer. Sorry @JenCucksDave !
     
  17. BBC ONLY CPL

    BBC ONLY CPL Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Had plans to meet a guy last night at a bar for a "hello drink" - no sex planned, but trying to get her laid Saturday night.. we already have the hotel room booked. And keep in mind it was HIS idea to meet prior for this..

    Here is the sequence of events:

    He suggest the bar and the time to meet.. he asks for 8:30
    At noon he emails and asks to move to 9:00
    We arrive at the bar early on purpose and still get there around 8:30
    At 9:03 he texts and says "running late will be there in 15 minutes"
    At 9:35 he texts and asks "how late can we stay out, he's stuck at work until 10:00"

    We texted back and said we were leaving the bar and if he still wants to connect to call us to voice verify he is even "real"... he said OK, but I have a feeling we won't hear from him..

    Just had to say WTF??
     
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  18. Kull711

    Kull711 Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    oh man i am sorry that happened & it's messed up that people flake out like that
     
  19. JenCucksDave

    JenCucksDave Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Well at least now we know!
     
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  20. nothinguc

    nothinguc Active Member Gold Member

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    Once you eliminate no-shows, trolls, and liars you will see how tough a planned successful hookup is.