Who is in charge

[Cuthach]

I have often wondered who sets the rules and dictates what will happen. I don't know if this is true for others but my wife is ultimately in charge when she is with Derick. My wife is not a sub to any man or lover. She sets the tone of the evening, how things will progress, and more importantly if and when Derick is allowed to have sex with her. This is not to be confused when she lets Derick decide when and where he puts his penis that she is being subservient. If she didn't want his cock in her mouth she would not let him put it there. Derick understands and complies with her rules. She has never done this but I believe that if she told Derick to stop in the middle of having sex he would without question. Is this common in a relationship or is it odd we are this way?

 

[402Charles]

I think it is common, and actually very important when you think it through. Women have the right to consent or withhold consent. The fact that a wife retains this right but freely offers consent to one male and not another is part of why we as cucks are so impressed by bulls like Derick.

We want her to freely choose the other male and watch as he gets to fulfill masculine desires. He is allowed to breed while you watch in chastity if she lets you. All three of you know it doesn’t have to be that way. Her choice, and your submissive acceptance of it, is what makes the three of you have an exciting and erotic relationship together.

It would not be nearly as exciting if she was a literal slave. Both men know she could choose neither, but also understand she will choose Derick very frequently and grant him rights and power that you do not have because he is the more impressive male.

 

[tdv]

My gf is a sub and knows it.

 

[Johnboy46]

I have often wondered who sets the rules and dictates what will happen. I don't know if this is true for others but my wife is ultimately in charge when she is with Derick. My wife is not a sub to any man or lover. She sets the tone of the evening, how things will progress, and more importantly if and when Derick is allowed to have sex with her. This is not to be confused when she lets Derick decide when and where he puts his penis that she is being subservient. If she didn't want his cock in her mouth she would not let him put it there. Derick understands and complies with her rules. She has never done this but I believe that if she told Derick to stop in the middle of having sex he would without question. Is this common in a relationship or is it odd we are this way?

What Mrs J says goes. Although, she also rarely says "NO" to anything Steve suggests.

 

[Domingo Tampic]

My wife is the same way. She knows what she wants and will tell you without question what she demands, but she also wants a man to take control and get her off. It seems like a contradiction, but it's not.

 

[tampafun22]

Her body, she makes the rules.

 

[jadeeyz70]

It's that paradox for so many of us that we want equality, but also want a man to take charge. I've had men do things without asking, surprising me. But I can't say I've really had a man do something truly nonconsensual. I've roleplayed it plenty, but that's different. I've always been kind of sub, but was very careful who I revealed this to. Just a few men over the years. It's only in the last year, with one guy, that I've really explored D/S with. And even that is more about being his slut than being a "slave". There are rules, and trust. Break that trust and I walk away. But honor that trust and I'm his piece of ass. As some above said, it's a strange dynamic. but reality, and people, is often complex.

 

[BrotherlyLove4U]

I have often wondered who sets the rules and dictates what will happen. I don't know if this is true for others but my wife is ultimately in charge when she is with Derick. My wife is not a sub to any man or lover. She sets the tone of the evening, how things will progress, and more importantly if and when Derick is allowed to have sex with her. This is not to be confused when she lets Derick decide when and where he puts his penis that she is being subservient. If she didn't want his cock in her mouth she would not let him put it there. Derick understands and complies with her rules. She has never done this but I believe that if she told Derick to stop in the middle of having sex he would without question. Is this common in a relationship or is it odd we are this way?

That’s a black man with enough control not to become an idiot when in someone else’s bed in their home. Derick is no fool to comply with her rules. That my friend is why she invites him back, which I know he enjoys being the one she calls.

 

[Johnboy46]

Mrs J's relationship with Steve is the same as Mrs Cutach's with Derick. When we asked him if he was willing to be her regular lover it was on the understanding that SHE laid out the ground rules....the main one being that he stays faithful to us, if he does have sex (with condom) with anyone else he gets retested...... What Mrs J says goes, if she says "no" it means "NO"..... I will be present unless she says different, i.e. I can't get there.......or she wants to be alone with him. Otherwise just about anything goes. He said he would be honoured. This has worked for the last 15 months.

 

[Cuthach]

It's that paradox for so many of us that we want equality, but also want a man to take charge. I've had men do things without asking, surprising me. But I can't say I've really had a man do something truly nonconsensual. I've roleplayed it plenty, but that's different. I've always been kind of sub, but was very careful who I revealed this to. Just a few men over the years. It's only in the last year, with one guy, that I've really explored D/S with. And even that is more about being his slut than being a "slave". There are rules, and trust. Break that trust and I walk away. But honor that trust and I'm his piece of ass. As some above said, it's a strange dynamic. but reality, and people, is often complex.

You make a good point about when a lover does something unexpected and pleasurable. A good example is my wife requires Derick to use a condom. Not too long ago they were in a very heated session and he slipped out of her. The condom slipped off and stayed in her. He must have been at the point of no return because he shot a really large load on her belly and chest. She got off on that and told him that was really hot. He doesn't make it a practice to take his condom off but at that moment she didn't mind.

 

[Jdingo619]

Who's in charge? Desire is in charge! Once the chatting and the flirting is done, boundaries are set, wants and needs are all on the table, desire will naturally take charge and lead us down that passionate path to ecstacy!

This is why my #1 rule is cum uninhibited or don't cum at all.

If I can't take the pussy like I own it or use it like I paid for it then yall can keep it! I've been with newbies who were to totally wild and cut loose even on their first time. When I chat with a couple and they start talking about no kissing or she's not going to suck cock, (which is extremely rare but has happened) conversations over!

 

[stridepower]

I have often wondered who sets the rules and dictates what will happen. I don't know if this is true for others but my wife is ultimately in charge when she is with Derick. My wife is not a sub to any man or lover. She sets the tone of the evening, how things will progress, and more importantly if and when Derick is allowed to have sex with her. This is not to be confused when she lets Derick decide when and where he puts his penis that she is being subservient. If she didn't want his cock in her mouth she would not let him put it there. Derick understands and complies with her rules. She has never done this but I believe that if she told Derick to stop in the middle of having sex he would without question. Is this common in a relationship or is it odd we are this way?

I wouldn't ask any damn permission. I wouldn't fuck a wife who didn't want to submit. The best I can do for her is to demonstrate that what I want, she will enjoy. Good for Derrick though. If that's what he likes, then fine. If it's me, your wife will submit - period. I am not going to fuck a man's wife like he does, or behave with her like he does. One of the plus of this lifestyle is to push the envelope a little, and do different than your regular. What's the point? For me, the gets to know that she will be pleased, I will not expose her, and she will be safe with me. After that, I do what I please, but I make sure she enjoys it so that she is craving a return. But she doesn't get to decide how I fuck her. If she shows up, the decision is now in my hands.

 

[Cuthach]

I wouldn't ask any damn permission. I wouldn't fuck a wife who didn't want to submit. The best I can do for her is to demonstrate that what I want, she will enjoy. Good for Derrick though. If that's what he likes, then fine. If it's me, your wife will submit - period. I am not going to fuck a man's wife like he does, or behave with her like he does. One of the plus of this lifestyle is to push the envelope a little, and do different than your regular. What's the point? For me, the gets to know that she will be pleased, I will not expose her, and she will be safe with me. After that, I do what I please, but I make sure she enjoys it so that she is craving a return. But she doesn't get to decide how I fuck her. If she shows up, the decision is now in my hands.

For some this may be how they want the experience to be. I think that it's a woman's choice period. If she chooses to be dominated then let her be used. I believe and my wife agrees that her pleasure is first, my experience is second, and the other guy comes last. We don't have to invite another man into our sex life to be full filled. For Derick to be able to be apart of our experience he needs to play by my wife's rules. Now with that said she has at times let Derick have his way with her, and it is very hot to watch.

 

[JaxCougar]

It evolves for us. Cuck generally does the initial screening and I review the guys he thinks I might like. So at that stage he has some control. If I like a guy I start to chat and then maybe meet. If I like him I decide if we take it further. Once I am involved with a Bull all communication is between me and the Bull and when he comes to our home cuck is a submissive beta. My/our preference is a very confident Dom Bull once we start playing.

 

[chris john]

It evolves for us. Cuck generally does the initial screening and I review the guys he thinks I might like. So at that stage he has some control. If I like a guy I start to chat and then maybe meet. If I like him I decide if we take it further. Once I am involved with a Bull all communication is between me and the Bull and when he comes to our home cuck is a submissive beta.

it evolved for us to

 

[stridepower]

For some this may be how they want the experience to be. I think that it's a woman's choice period. If she chooses to be dominated then let her be used. I believe and my wife agrees that her pleasure is first, my experience is second, and the other guy comes last. We don't have to invite another man into our sex life to be full filled. For Derick to be able to be apart of our experience he needs to play by my wife's rules. Now with that said she has at times let Derick have his way with her, and it is very hot to watch.

If you reread my post, I pointed out that "I" wouldn't tolerate such, and so would not even be interested in anything with such a woman - period. So I think we both agree. There is no disagreement here. Your wife wants control, and I don't give up control. So there is no world in which your wife and I will ever be interested in one another. We simply will not be compatible. So long as Derick is fine with that, I think you guys got a perfect match for yourselves. I was just pointing out that such an arrangement will not suffice for me, and I explained why. So we are in agreement here. In any case I am not the kind that performs for a husband to watch anyways, so we (you guys and I) live in parallel worlds.

 

[JenNWayne]

What Mrs J says goes. Although, she also rarely says "NO" to anything Steve suggests.

Sounds ideal on both counts

 

[extrafun]

The husband is in charge of who, what happens and when.
This is fun for us as a couple.

 

[rondipin]

I am usually in charge, but she and her bull takes over almost immediately. And I like it. Especially in the last few dates where she would tell him what to do and how she wants it. She's learned a lot. Even though she is a sub overall.

 

[extrafun]

I am usually in charge, but she and her bull takes over almost immediately. And I like it. Especially in the last few dates where she would tell him what to do and how she wants it. She's learned a lot. Even though she is

I am usually in charge, but she and her bull takes over almost immediately. And I like it. Especially in the last few dates where she would tell him what to do and how she wants it. She's learned a lot. Even though she is a sub overall.

So from what you described you are not really in charge once they are together.
Its good that she tells him what she wants.