I know I'm setting myself up for criticism, humiliation but hopefully some objective opinions. My girl and I mutually decided to join the Lifestyle about two years ago. It did not take much convincing on my part. We discussed the mutual trust and respect that was necessary, and even had a few rules we agreed upon. The first few times was not with a BBC, but I was aware that she was with a couple before we started dating. However the first guy we were with, she ended up having a relationship with him behind my back until the end. So fast forward, after many fun, successful experiences with other partners, we had our first BBC on my birthday, he even brought one of his girlfriends and we all had a good time, for a little while. My girl broke the cuck rule, and gave him all the attention multiple times. Doubled down in the morning and just started blowing him while I took a piss. Totally ruined my birthday which she promised we would try new things, she did with him. So she lied right to my face and returned to his hotel room the next day. After everything in July, I found a receipt from DoorDash to his hotel and her google history was shut off for a whole week. I didn't see her for a week. Needless to say she cheated with him for a whole week and came back to me, without admitting nothing. In the past she had admitted cheating. Then in July she spent 36 hours at a hotel with at least three guys she admitted to, got so high with them that she was unable to distinguish reality from what she was doing. I knew she needed a safe space, despite what she did to me so I invited her to my place. She stayed for a day at my place but never sobered up because of what happened at the hotel with those three guys. She fought with me and eventually left my place, I tried to stop her from leaving, reserved a hotel room so she could get halfway home. It was the same hotel she stayed a couple days prior and they called me back to tell me she wasn't welcome there because of all the complaints from two nights before. I tried to call the police to find her so she could get the help she needed but she stopped sharing her location and around 6;30, the state police knocked on my door to tell me she got into a car accident and didn't survive. I knew it was no accident. So now the guilt I have from introducing her to this lifestyle, which she abused my trust and forgiveness, couldn't handle the fact we agreed to do anything and everything together while I was there to keep her safe(she tends to put herself in unsafe situations), that guilt sometimes is too much and I question myself. Was it my fault? She blamed me for turning her into a sex addict, was she right? Could I have done more that day? She had free will, she was in a safe space that day and decided to leave. She didn't have to betray me and our agreements multiple times by going behind my back with people who clearly only cared about one thing and it certainly was not her well being. Like I said, I know I'm gonna get eviscerated and maybe I deserve it but any objective, honest, thoughtful input would help. Therapy isn't helping so maybe people with the knowledge can help me out.
Thank you.
Thank you.
