Shame?

Acorn

Acorn

Male
From
PA, US
OK so lets all weigh in. How big a place is there for shame in this lifestyle? Most people don't freely admit this is happening publicly, which leads them to places like this to discuss it. So is there shame? Should a white man be ashamed if his GF/Wife loves black dick? Should a white woman be ashamed of her cravings for it? Should black men feel shame that they fuck married women?

If its not shameful, then why isnt it discussed more in polite society?
 
Acorn said:
Good, so how many people in your social circle know?
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We are a middle class married couple with *******. Our sex life is a private matter and its not shared with anyone. It wouldn't mater if it was a black guy, white guy, goat or Lima, its still private. Friends, work colleagues and family know I am attracted to black guys, but they don't know about my private life. I make no secret of the fact my next hubby/BF would be black if I was ever in the market again. Definitely no shame here.
 
Shame is the most effective tool that patriarchy in every society uses to control the female body, and of course, men are also victims of patriarchy. I'm a college professor and I teach sexuality and sexual history. I guess this is not the time and place to discuss Foucault, Oyewumi and Judith Butler!
 
Acorn said:
It is absolutely the time and place! Sounds fascinating!
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I think we have to think of the history of the criminalisation of consensus sex, especially in western societies. The church made sex for pleasure a sin, and sex was meant to be between a married man and his wife, solely for procreation. And since schools and education was ran by the church, chastity was taught in schools, in the church and by politicians, and feudal lords who controlled societies. As a matter of fact, the Catholic Church in feudal Europe placed chastity and sexual moderation as virtues. Not conforming to the notion of chastity brought shame - from the church, the state, the society and the school system. And then of course, these ideas was carried to other parts of the world when Europeans discovered guns and dominated the sea, and conquered the rest of the world, with guns.
The taboo of sex between Africans and Europeans were created to enforce the false idea of racial superiority but also to control white women.
I think we need to unlearn patriarchy, its violence, and its racist history in order to unlearn shame.
 
Samisnaughty said:
I think we have to think of the history of the criminalisation of consensus sex, especially in western societies. The church made sex for pleasure a sin, and sex was meant to be between a married man and his wife, solely for procreation. And since schools and education was ran by the church, chastity was taught in schools, in the church and by politicians, and feudal lords who controlled societies. As a matter of fact, the Catholic Church in feudal Europe placed chastity and sexual moderation as virtues. Not conforming to the notion of chastity brought shame - from the church, the state, the society and the school system. And then of course, these ideas was carried to other parts of the world when Europeans discovered guns and dominated the sea, and conquered the rest of the world, with guns.
The taboo of sex between Africans and Europeans were created to enforce the false idea of racial superiority but also to control white women.
I think we need to unlearn patriarchy, its violence, and its racist history in order to unlearn shame.
Click to expand...
I definitely agree that monogamy is a eurocentric patriarchal notion at heart. Communal societies had no need for concepts such as property and ownership and it wasnt until agrarianism that males started to enforce a pair bonding structure on women to ensure that only that males lineage was protected and cared for.

We could excuse this perhaps because of the scarcity of shelter and resources in Europe, but its still a concept that is fairly recent in human evolution.
 
Acorn said:
OK so lets all weigh in. How big a place is there for shame in this lifestyle? Most people don't freely admit this is happening publicly, which leads them to places like this to discuss it. So is there shame? Should a white man be ashamed if his GF/Wife loves black dick? Should a white woman be ashamed of her cravings for it? Should black men feel shame that they fuck married women?

If its not shameful, then why isnt it discussed more in polite society?
Click to expand...
This lifestyle fall out side of conventional marriage standards. For instance, a black man married to a white woman is very normal and hardly catches attention. But if a black man was having sex with a married white wife suddenly it is hot and erotic.

Taboo attracts, and we enjoy "dirty little secrets" when in fact they are kept secret.
 
I think shame is not the right word, Anyone knows the history of racism in America. It was not spoken of in my location because of social stigma and fear of retaliation. Even now in this generation there are those who you might not wish to share your thinking with. It's not smart, cool, safe or even polite.
The one thing my mom taught me when i ask about sex. She told me being old enough to have sex is in many ways being mature enough to keep that very personal thing between those involved. Not to be shared with the whole school or town. It's not considered proper conversation at a dinner or cocktail party. Do the guys at work really need to know what you or your wife do sexually.
Speaking of it here on a forum dedicated to that fetish or lifestyle is different. Speaking about anything with a group of like thinkers should be a good thing. At least you know you're not the only one thinking or doing whatever it is.
Then there is the chance someone will ask you a direct question, then you must decide if you share information about you or not. At that point only one person can decide am i going to be truthful. Even then shame may not be the biggest factor. My biggest concern is why the hell so they want to know that.
For me i guess I'm fortunate I've done things some might frown on, or think improper. I've made my choices. They may not have always been the best in after thought but I'm not ashamed of any of them. I've hurt no one other than myself a few times but that's life . Some famous writer said no risk no gain. The name escapes me now but the thought I've found is a good way to travel.
 
JaxCougar said:
We are a middle class married couple with *******. Our sex life is a private matter and its not shared with anyone. It wouldn't mater if it was a black guy, white guy, goat or Lima, its still private. Friends, work colleagues and family know I am attracted to black guys, but they don't know about my private life. I make no secret of the fact my next hubby/BF would be black if I was ever in the market again. Definitely no shame here.
Click to expand...
You sound very level headed. It depends on your life as to how discrete you want or have to be. And that can change as changes happen in your everyday life may give you different options.
 
Acorn said:
OK so lets all weigh in. How big a place is there for shame in this lifestyle? Most people don't freely admit this is happening publicly, which leads them to places like this to discuss it. So is there shame? Should a white man be ashamed if his GF/Wife loves black dick? Should a white woman be ashamed of her cravings for it? Should black men feel shame that they fuck married women?

If its not shameful, then why isnt it discussed more in polite society?
Click to expand...
I guess if the cuck feels shame it may be one of the emotions he wants to feel . With that in mind, with no need for concern a woman that openly screws whoever she wants with no repercussions. That would get around fast if you hung out at a bar or somewhere that people can see her openly flirting or coming in or leaving with other guys. The humiliation the cuck would feel may include shame. And that may just what he wants.
 
Samisnaughty said:
I think we have to think of the history of the criminalisation of consensus sex, especially in western societies. The church made sex for pleasure a sin, and sex was meant to be between a married man and his wife, solely for procreation. And since schools and education was ran by the church, chastity was taught in schools, in the church and by politicians, and feudal lords who controlled societies. As a matter of fact, the Catholic Church in feudal Europe placed chastity and sexual moderation as virtues. Not conforming to the notion of chastity brought shame - from the church, the state, the society and the school system. And then of course, these ideas was carried to other parts of the world when Europeans discovered guns and dominated the sea, and conquered the rest of the world, with guns.
The taboo of sex between Africans and Europeans were created to enforce the false idea of racial superiority but also to control white women.
I think we need to unlearn patriarchy, its violence, and its racist history in order to unlearn shame.
Click to expand...

What you outlined was true for essentially every feudal society, regardless of country, continent, and race!
Conservative people in the Far Eastern, West African, and Central American empires had the same mentality.
They created supremacist ideologies that increased their self-confidence and determined who should be considered inferior, and on this basis it was decided that it would be considered taboo and, as a result, shame.

From here we can speak of psychological terror, which has ****** many people to live their desires in the greatest secrecy and danger, or suppresses itself, which over time has led to the development of very serious mental illnesses such as depression, epilepsy, schizophrenia.
Unfortunately, millions of people have committed suicides on every continent over the centuries!!
 
I would not read too much into all the theories about why people do things. Cuckolding has been around since there have been two men and one woman. Horatio Nelson lived with a married woman and her husband. as far as pair bonding it depends on the society and times. The Chipwyan would gamble their wives away but the Eskimo had no problem sharing as do the Masai. Catherine the great kept a stable of men and had a woman who tried them out before hand. Most societies use sex to control so if you tell the public that your wife fucks other men and you help be prepared for flak. Before I began I had no idea of sucking cock or cleaning cum but it did not take long to do either many times with many men. In my opinion cuckolding comes down to the woman and her ability to manage men. There are plenty of swinger groups and even sites such as international wife bangers . Personally I like the intimacy with a woman so it will only be with a few and fucking many does not interest me unless they pay well
 
Acorn said:
OK so lets all weigh in. How big a place is there for shame in this lifestyle? Most people don't freely admit this is happening publicly, which leads them to places like this to discuss it. So is there shame? Should a white man be ashamed if his GF/Wife loves black dick? Should a white woman be ashamed of her cravings for it? Should black men feel shame that they fuck married women?

If its not shameful, then why isnt it discussed more in polite society?
Click to expand...
There shouldn't be any shame... you and your lady should have talked/discussed before you indulged in the life style
 
artgirl said:
I think shame is not the right word, Anyone knows the history of racism in America. It was not spoken of in my location because of social stigma and fear of retaliation. Even now in this generation there are those who you might not wish to share your thinking with. It's not smart, cool, safe or even polite.
The one thing my mom taught me when i ask about sex. She told me being old enough to have sex is in many ways being mature enough to keep that very personal thing between those involved. Not to be shared with the whole school or town. It's not considered proper conversation at a dinner or cocktail party. Do the guys at work really need to know what you or your wife do sexually.
Speaking of it here on a forum dedicated to that fetish or lifestyle is different. Speaking about anything with a group of like thinkers should be a good thing. At least you know you're not the only one thinking or doing whatever it is.
Then there is the chance someone will ask you a direct question, then you must decide if you share information about you or not. At that point only one person can decide am i going to be truthful. Even then shame may not be the biggest factor. My biggest concern is why the hell so they want to know that.
For me i guess I'm fortunate I've done things some might frown on, or think improper. I've made my choices. They may not have always been the best in after thought but I'm not ashamed of any of them. I've hurt no one other than myself a few times but that's life . Some famous writer said no risk no gain. The name escapes me now but the thought I've found is a good way to travel.
Click to expand...

Just to add, there are some things not even discussed openly in the forums, but in private conversations. As you've intimated, it's better that way.
 
The only shame I had was having sex with my wife and only lasting a couple of minutes before cumming.
Once I accepted the fact that I couldn’t get the job done with my penis I encouraged her to find guys who could give her the fucking she needs.
Now I have no shame in her having great sex and having her friends know. She is happier now and our marriage is better than ever1612620124286.png.
I’m proud of my wife and that fact that she is able to attract younger well endowed guys for her pleasure.
 
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