Looking to learn and evolve

[BCumFunctional]

Hey there

I feel like this is definitely the wrong place but I assume there are plenty of couples and black men in the lifestyle here so figured some of you might read me in between trying to get laid or bussin a nut to somebody's pictures lol

I'm a recovering porn addict and obviously a BBC/interracial/cuck porn addict. I'm talking real addiction, diagnosed with compulsive sexual behavior and in therapy right now. My addiction definitely hampered my social and sex life dramatically so I'm trying to change that but at the same time, this particular fetish of mine is definitely something I like and envision the lifestyle/dynamic as something I'd love to have with a partner as opposed to just a fetish.

I feel like, as I recover and sober up from my addicted state, my warped up image of sex and relationships is changing and approaching dating feels even more challenging since I feel like vanilla dating is almost impossible for me at this stage.

I just want to approach healing and self-improvement as a cuck wannabe and would like to learn more from actual couples, etc.

Anyway.

 

[adu1tswim]

I don't think there's anything necessarily harmful about wanting an open sexual lifestyle with a partner, or bisexually sharing, or being dominated like into chastity or whatever. As long as you're taking care of your life in the basic ways - health, money, employment, family obligations.
Porn addiction seems like a different thing, meaning if you need the porn to have the lifestyle, then maybe it causes problems in those other areas by being a huge distraction on your life.

But the sexual side of your future relationship is a necessary element of your life and has to be in balance with the other areas.

 

[BCumFunctional]

I don't think there's anything necessarily harmful about wanting an open sexual lifestyle with a partner, or bisexually sharing, or being dominated like into chastity or whatever. As long as you're taking care of your life in the basic ways - health, money, employment, family obligations.
Porn addiction seems like a different thing, meaning if you need the porn to have the lifestyle, then maybe it causes problems in those other areas by being a huge distraction on your life.

But the sexual side of your future relationship is a necessary element of your life and has to be in balance with the other areas.

No I don't think there's anything inherently harmful in wanting this dynamic either. I think that it ultimately is good to provide that level of freedom to my potential partner as it helps balance out the rigid family/social obligations of everyday life by providing that option to seek emotional/sexual satisfaction that might start lacking from either boredom/routine/pressure/whatever.

The issue is that while arousing to me, I feel like it'd be extremely off-putting for the majority of women that's why I sense that vanilla dating might not be an option. But "kinky" dating is a chimera. This site and places like FetLife aren't places where wannabe cucks date. Majority of the action happening here is preestablished couples seeking bulls/lovers and vice versa. That's why single white guys can't even verify on here. Most single white guys on here are just helplessly fantasizing and jacking off to it and I'm tired of being part of that herd.

Honestly I think that I should just give up the fetish and try to live the good ol' vanilla life.

And yeah, porn addiction has completely hampered my life on many levels, either social, financial or romantic. Maybe longer periods of abstinence might change my view on the lifestyle, who knows.

 

[gs63105a]

Hey there

I feel like this is definitely the wrong place but I assume there are plenty of couples and black men in the lifestyle here so figured some of you might read me in between trying to get laid or bussin a nut to somebody's pictures lol

I'm a recovering porn addict and obviously a BBC/interracial/cuck porn addict. I'm talking real addiction, diagnosed with compulsive sexual behavior and in therapy right now. My addiction definitely hampered my social and sex life dramatically so I'm trying to change that but at the same time, this particular fetish of mine is definitely something I like and envision the lifestyle/dynamic as something I'd love to have with a partner as opposed to just a fetish.

I feel like, as I recover and sober up from my addicted state, my warped up image of sex and relationships is changing and approaching dating feels even more challenging since I feel like vanilla dating is almost impossible for me at this stage.

I just want to approach healing and self-improvement as a cuck wannabe and would like to learn more from actual couples, etc.

Anyway.

I'm not sure this is a real post. But, a recovering sex addict addicted to porn, watching your mate or thinking about your mate is exactly what you are recovering from. There are harm reduction processes but if you're 12 stepping it, your nuts.

 

[BCumFunctional]

I'm not sure this is a real post. But, a recovering sex addict addicted to porn, watching your mate or thinking about your mate is exactly what you are recovering from. There are harm reduction processes but if you're 12 stepping it, your nuts.

1. I never said I was a sex addict. I'm a recovering porn addict. The issue I have is with associating arousal with porn and the isolation created from typical porn addiction. My issues are fairly different from a sex addict. I have no mate to begin with.
2. I've been member of my local SA group and stop going as it wasn't for me. SA is overly religious which was off-putting to me. I never went through the 12-step program. I'm in therapy instead and am pretty happy with my progress.
3. I fail to understand what makes you think this isn't a "real" post but just because you can't grasp the issues I go through doesn't mean I'm fucking around or bullshitting.

 

[theblackgod18]

Vanilla life doesn’t mean vanilla sex, and one on one sex doesn’t have to be vanilla. Variety is the spice of life and women like kinky sex too. Most women like all sorts of light bdsm and a lot have all sorts of different fetish’s and kinks they like or at least will try. It takes getting to know a person and to let them open up. Most relationships start vanilla then once comfortable you open up more and try more things. After a few months or so you can be doing all sorts of weird things sexually even while still being monogamous. You want an open relationship try having a relationship first

Dm

 

[BCumFunctional]

Vanilla life doesn’t mean vanilla sex, and one on one sex doesn’t have to be vanilla. Variety is the spice of life and women like kinky sex too. Most women like all sorts of light bdsm and a lot have all sorts of different fetish’s and kinks they like or at least will try. It takes getting to know a person and to let them open up. Most relationships start vanilla then once comfortable you open up more and try more things. After a few months or so you can be doing all sorts of weird things sexually even while still being monogamous. You want an open relationship try having a relationship first

In my other thread, I explained that I've been trying my hand at kinky dating through FetLife or at least getting acquainted with people openly kinky through fetlife.

I just fear investing into someone truly vanilla. I don't wanna lead people on what I want from a relationships or get myself stuck.

 

[theblackgod18]

In my other thread, I explained that I've been trying my hand at kinky dating through FetLife or at least getting acquainted with people openly kinky through fetlife.

I just fear investing into someone truly vanilla. I don't wanna lead people on what I want from a relationships or get myself stuck.

Okok

 

[gs63105a]

1. I never said I was a sex addict. I'm a recovering porn addict. The issue I have is with associating arousal with porn and the isolation created from typical porn addiction. My issues are fairly different from a sex addict. I have no mate to begin with.
2. I've been member of my local SA group and stop going as it wasn't for me. SA is overly religious which was off-putting to me. I never went through the 12-step program. I'm in therapy instead and am pretty happy with my progress.
3. I fail to understand what makes you think this isn't a "real" post but just because you can't grasp the issues I go through doesn't mean I'm fucking around or bullshitting.

1) Porn is sex. If it wasn't sexually titillating, you would not be watching it. Unless you're watching it for the acting.
2) WHat's your therapist say about you cuck wishes?
3) It seems fake because the concepts you pose seem utterly ridiculous. I'm in therapy for porn addiction, I'm seeing a therapist for it, but its OK to have a sex issue.

 

[gs63105a]

1. I never said I was a sex addict. I'm a recovering porn addict. The issue I have is with associating arousal with porn and the isolation created from typical porn addiction. My issues are fairly different from a sex addict. I have no mate to begin with.
2. I've been member of my local SA group and stop going as it wasn't for me. SA is overly religious which was off-putting to me. I never went through the 12-step program. I'm in therapy instead and am pretty happy with my progress.
3. I fail to understand what makes you think this isn't a "real" post but just because you can't grasp the issues I go through doesn't mean I'm fucking around or bullshitting.

And, as a recovering porn addict, why are you on this site? You're clearly not following your therapist's advice.

 

[BCumFunctional]

1) Porn is sex. If it wasn't sexually titillating, you would not be watching it. Unless you're watching it for the acting.
2) WHat's your therapist say about you cuck wishes?
3) It seems fake because the concepts you pose seem utterly ridiculous. I'm in therapy for porn addiction, I'm seeing a therapist for it, but its OK to have a sex issue.

1. Porn is its own subgenre of sexual addiction and is different from what people commonly think about when they think of "sex addict". It doesn't pose the same issues. Social isolation, porn-induced erectile dysfunction, low mood and motivation from a fried dopamine reward system, etc. Porn addiction is different from sex addiction. Simple as that.
2. Simply put, he told me they're normal and are only problematic if they are negatively impacting my quality of life, which they don't.
3. Again, you're blabbering nonsense about something you don't understand. My cuck fantasies aren't an issue, they're just that: a fantasy. Something I want to include in my romantic life down the line which is why I'm looking for advice from people in the lifestyle.

 

[BCumFunctional]

And, as a recovering porn addict, why are you on this site? You're clearly not following your therapist's advice.

1. you don't know what I'm discussing with my therapist and what he tells me to do and what not to do.
2. I'm treating this site as a mean to get advice and information, I'm not using it to jack off. Do you see me posting on sexual threads? No. I'm literally just trying to discuss dating and you're on here telling me I'm bullshitting.

Again, stop talking and making assumptions about a topic that you don't understand.

 

[woody0]

I don't think there's anything necessarily harmful about wanting an open sexual lifestyle with a partner, or bisexually sharing, or being dominated like into chastity or whatever. As long as you're taking care of your life in the basic ways - health, money, employment, family obligations.
Porn addiction seems like a different thing, meaning if you need the porn to have the lifestyle, then maybe it causes problems in those other areas by being a huge distraction on your life.

But the sexual side of your future relationship is a necessary element of your life and has to be in balance with the other areas.

I wish to have a person who think same like you
My happiness is to submit totally to my gf but every girl i had wanted dominant man