As my followers know, I advocate consensual non-monogamy, cuckoldry, polyamory, and alternative relationship choices. I started writing and podcasting on these topics for one reason: To help others who may be seeking to find HEALTHY relationship alternatives to embrace. I don’t have any “answers” for anyone else’s relationship; I only seek to reflect on what has worked to produce the most profoundly satisfying and exciting relationship we have ever had. For those who don’t know, I am happily married and have been in a poly/cuckold dynamic for eight years, so I share from experience, not from theory.
As my followers know, I only write or podcast about my direct experience, and that informs my opinions. For example, I have wrestled with the “is porn evil” question. In my own experience, I found I was getting cynical about finding lovers (or “bulls”) as I’ve often felt like many of the bulls I’ve tried to get to know treated me like I was some porn star that needed to conform to the image they had only inside their own head, instead of treating me like an individual human with my own desires and preferences. It is a huge turn-off.
The problem isn’t porn; it is how many people are using it and mistaking it for something else. Porn is inert. It is a form of entertainment and a tool for sexual arousal. It has no power to addict or corrupt on its own, but how people use it and interpret it IS.
Now, I also acknowledge that there are VERY harmful videos on porn networks that involve extreme abuse, children, animals, or other twisted notions. But I’m not talking about that. For the purposes of discussion here, I’m just referring to the run-of-the-mill sex porn.
Many lifestyle choices many of us are practicing came directly from porn. So who has discovered learning about cuckoldry except through porn? Almost everyone and that is a good thing!
I think so much of the negative porn story comes directly from misguided religious beliefs. In my opinion, nearly all religions’ extreme sexual repression is to blame. Some people have belief systems and sexual values they have taken from religious dogma and can be very harmful. Sexual desire and expression are normal, natural parts of just being a human. Unfortunately, it is religious tradition that has continually attempted to make it something unnatural and evil since the beginning of time.
So let us unpack some of the destructive things that have come out of porn, and I ask you to ask yourself: does this situation mean the porn idea was wrong, or how people interpret it and use it?
Most porn is about depicting women pretending to enjoy sex acts. This typical scene has women squealing with joy at the mere sight of a hung man. Any man that has actually been with a woman would not make this mistake. It’s no coincidence that so many young men (that do not have actual sex lives) have formulated their ideas about how to be sexual with a woman from porn rather than real-life experiences with women. This is one of the biggest problems. Men are basically shown sexual practices that will not work in real life.
It also seems to me that as men have become accustomed to watching women pretending to be turned on they stopped being curious about what it actually takes. Any fool with real-life experience knows it takes more to engage, turn on and satisfy a woman. Anyone I would consider “being good in bed” has everything to do with being able to tune in, connect and read someone else. Men have learned false cues and taken very dishonest behavior from porn, and too many women will accept that and not take the time to teach them. We will more often just walk away and not see you again, relegating you to the scrap heap of clueless men. This is not porn’s fault: it is a faulty application of what you watch.
Here is another example: Men have become conditioned to watch women in pain, pretending to be enjoying sex.
Sadistic flavored porn will teach young men to derive pleasure from causing women pain — (and I’m not talking about BDSM). More than ever, it seems in the US that the hunger for violent porn is way up. That violence against women is up, and the glorification of violence is up. But, again, is this the fault of porn? Some could argue legitimately that violent porn spreads these beliefs and behaviors but again, the responsibility lies with the humans that interpret this as permission to be abusive, not in the depiction itself.
My interest is in having the freedom to have sex like the freedom men have always had. I want to be free, and passionate, and voracious. I want to experience my desire with absolute abandon with a partner who celebrates that with me.
What I won’t do (and don’t want to do) is to sacrifice my desire to please a male partner at my expense. In the first few seconds of engagement with a lover, I can tell if it is a guy who genuinely wants to excavate my pleasure or a guy who is solely focused on his own. It’s not hard to tell. Consequently, I say ‘no’ to prospective lovers 99 times before I find one I can say yes to. I blame this entire phenomenon on the gross misinterpretation of many who watch porn instead of working on communication skills with a real-life lover. But, again, porn isn’t the culprit. The culprit is people confuse a fetish they might observe in porn with a real-life experience with a human.
So the real issue is the confusion between learning about a fetish in porn vs. a chosen lifestyle dynamic. You can discover several interpretations of what cuckolding is from porn. What you cannot do is know how to find and develop a real cuckold relationship from porn.
Don’t expect porn to deliver a perfect sex life to you. Porn is not trying to teach you how to be a good lover. Porn is simply a tool for your masturbation, arousal and perhaps creative ideas. Instead, develop yourself, and observe your own beliefs, values, and practices. Have they yielded satisfying, loving, and authentic relationships? If your answer is no, then porn isn’t your problem. YOU are.
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Post in thread 'In praise of older woman' 
I quite sure you didn't pay or ask for permission to use that picture either .SMH
