Here's my contradiction -- and I'm posting it because I don't wanna be a wannabe fantasist.
A few years ago I caught an ex cheating on me with several black men where she worked -- and, while I was angry at the cheating, I discovered myself turned on like never before! (There's a whole backstory to this, but that's for another time)
The contradiction of masculinity being challenged I guess -- I'm definitely not the beta-sissy type.
Unfortunately we broke up before I processed it properly -- but I worked through the emotions and I've craved a repeat of this dynamic ever since, almost like it's become a part of my DNA.
I am obsessed and I can't think of anything I want more! (Maybe not the cheating, but definitely the dynamic)
However, as soon as I stop being horny, the obsession wanes and I start to feel bad about my fetish and almost become resentful.
It's like I predict my own knot of uncomfortable jealousy, and once again the craving goes -- until I'm horny again, and then it's back.
Seriously, how do I get over myself?
A few years ago I caught an ex cheating on me with several black men where she worked -- and, while I was angry at the cheating, I discovered myself turned on like never before! (There's a whole backstory to this, but that's for another time)
The contradiction of masculinity being challenged I guess -- I'm definitely not the beta-sissy type.
Unfortunately we broke up before I processed it properly -- but I worked through the emotions and I've craved a repeat of this dynamic ever since, almost like it's become a part of my DNA.
I am obsessed and I can't think of anything I want more! (Maybe not the cheating, but definitely the dynamic)
However, as soon as I stop being horny, the obsession wanes and I start to feel bad about my fetish and almost become resentful.
It's like I predict my own knot of uncomfortable jealousy, and once again the craving goes -- until I'm horny again, and then it's back.
Seriously, how do I get over myself?
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