There's no self loathing here. In fact, I feel pretty good about being secure enough to let my wife enjoy whatever she wants, without worry that she will want to leave me. I love her, I'm proud to be hers, and proud to be able to make her happy. Compersion isn't always an unhealthy emotion. My dick isn't even that small, I'm pretty average when I haven't spent months in chastity. But being told she prefers bigger ones is a rush anyway.
The part of this that's hard for others to understand, is that those feelings of jealousy, humiliation, and denial are a huge turn on to a lot of men. I can understand how that is confusing to a lot of people. Even my wife and I don't fully understand why we like ALL the things we like, we just know we get off doing what we're doing. The closest I've been able to come to explaining it is to liken it to physical pain. Some people like to be spanked. Some like their hair pulled. Some like their nipples pinched. Some enjoy getting fucked hard enough there's some pain involved. And then some people, like me, like to feel a temporary sting delivered to their psyche and/or ego. When administered by a loving partner, who understands your proclivities and isn't going to seriously hurt you, any of the above can be fun for the right kind of people.
I suppose saying my wife wants to "have her cake and eat it too" so-to-speak, is a reasonable thing to say, but what's wrong with that? Watching her eating her cake is the hottest thing ever to me, so it makes us both happy, with no real victim. Why should she forego something that gives her great physical pleasure just because she already has a partner she loves and wants to be with? As that partner, I'm thrilled to help her explore her desires and give her all the pleasure and enjoyment I can safely help provide.
I hear the "cavernous pussy" argument all the time, though, and that part is just silly. First of all, you don't have to have to be "cavernous" to enjoy large cocks or large toys. The stretch, the feeling of fullness, having more surface area in contact with one's skin, or the inability to fully contact one's muscles around the person they're playing with, are sensations many people just enjoy. That's why toys are sold in so many sizes. Women who have had babies have all passed objects bigger than any bbc in the world through that opening. By your logic, should any husband of a woman who enjoys size kick his life partner and mom of his children to the curb for being "too cavernous?" Perhaps my wife has a completely normal sized pussy, and enjoys the sensation of having a larger cock in it. Why is that a problem?
The bottom line is that I don't WANT a different woman, nor do I want my wife to stop doing what she's doing. I encouraged her to do this and we've both enjoyed the results. The pleasure I get from helping her explore this path and seeing her in ecstacy is the main reason I do it, and the reason she was open to trying it in the first place is because she loves me and knows I get off seeing her do it. I don't hate myself, and we don't have an unsatisfying love life without doing this. We'll stop or adapt whenever it becomes something that isn't working for one of us or our relationship together. I could buy her large toys, we could take up fisting. That wouldn't be the same thrill though. I could ask her to stop being with others or stop belittling me, and she would, but that's not what I want.
You don't have to understand what we do or try it yourself. In fact, if it's going to be sustainable, it takes an incredibly strong foundation of trust and open communication, and I don't recommend it to a lot of people. But what I wish fewer people would do is tell people like us, who are perfectly happy doing what we're doing, that we should find other partners or that what we're doing isn't right. I don't come around and tell other men to stop placing limits on their wives. I don't tell women to humiliate and deny their men, or to be unfaithful to someone who wants/needs monogamy. So I wonder why so many people feel the need to try to fix my relationship or recommend I change it or get out of it? My wife is the single greatest source of happiness and stability in my life. From where I sit, finding "another woman who has a less cavernous pussy" seems like perhaps the worst advice I could possibly take.