I hear you. If you don't want it, don't do it. Simple.
I sucked my first cock "Too see what it was like", then I sucked another to see if I liked it. Then I sucked another , because I did like it.
Some see sex with the same gender as some sort of Mythical Monster or Earth Altering activity, but let's be sane and think here. You like various things in your life and daily routine and others like what they like. Neither is right, wrong, good, bad, etc...
Personally, I have had too many bad/failed relationships with women. I don't cast blame on them, it just never worked for me. Yes, when I was able to get and keep an erection, I loved sex with women. They are wonderful creatures and beautiful to look at. Even now, I appreciate the female body and won't hesitate to preform oral or as desired by women.
But, I'm honest with myself, I can no-longer satisfy a woman, as a man should (Health, medications, aliments) so to stay in the game at some level, I accept that since I like it anyway, I will suck cocks and if I can find a man to teach and guide me, I'll take cock in the ass.
Reading your post, I'd say you are a Latent Homosexual and Homophobic. You appear to want to suck cock, but are afraid you will like it.
Judge thyself first!
"Try it you'll like it."
Have a good day.
John