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- Thread starter Tk1991
- Start date
GVLBottom
Male
probably better while getting started for her to have some agency in the decision. if she plays a role in saying "yes" the first time, its more likely to stick and be a long term thing. she needs to be the one to realize this is for her too. maybe the "surprise" is that you can download a dating app and setup a profile for her, but she needs to control it. that will show you are serious.
You can absolutely ruin your relationship doing this with the wrong person.
If this isn’t something you’re willing to let go or keep to yourself, and you are for sure going to pursue it, just know that the likelihood one or both of you will feel some negative/regrettable/painful feeling in the beginning is pretty high. Age and maturity plays a part in this as well.
Dont react too emotionally one way or another when you do it the first couple times. If the mood is right and you’re supportive, great, but the experience is very strange and overwhelming for most people who haven’t done it before. If it hurts or you regret it, talk about it AFTER it’s over and don’t start pointing fingers or get angry. Not only do you risk ruining it in the future, you run the risk of creating a rift of resentment in your relationship. If you fight a lot and/or there are jealousy issues, this might not be the right move. If the relationship is broken, swinging/cuckoldry
wont fix it.
That being said... assuming everything goes great, and you guys get used to it over time, remember to keep an open mind and communicate. Communicate. Communicate. You need to foster open, honest conversation and both parties should be comfortable sharing exactly how they feel.
That’s my long winded disclaimer before you take the plunge. I know you didn’t ask for it but I felt the need to say that before I answer your question.
Should you surprise her? No.
It’s a nice gesture and one day it’ll be something fun you can setup, but you need to stay a team through the process in the beginning as much as possible. Listen to her wants and needs until you “figure her out” and she lets you be the plug all on your own.
If this isn’t something you’re willing to let go or keep to yourself, and you are for sure going to pursue it, just know that the likelihood one or both of you will feel some negative/regrettable/painful feeling in the beginning is pretty high. Age and maturity plays a part in this as well.
Dont react too emotionally one way or another when you do it the first couple times. If the mood is right and you’re supportive, great, but the experience is very strange and overwhelming for most people who haven’t done it before. If it hurts or you regret it, talk about it AFTER it’s over and don’t start pointing fingers or get angry. Not only do you risk ruining it in the future, you run the risk of creating a rift of resentment in your relationship. If you fight a lot and/or there are jealousy issues, this might not be the right move. If the relationship is broken, swinging/cuckoldry
wont fix it.
That being said... assuming everything goes great, and you guys get used to it over time, remember to keep an open mind and communicate. Communicate. Communicate. You need to foster open, honest conversation and both parties should be comfortable sharing exactly how they feel.
That’s my long winded disclaimer before you take the plunge. I know you didn’t ask for it but I felt the need to say that before I answer your question.
Should you surprise her? No.
It’s a nice gesture and one day it’ll be something fun you can setup, but you need to stay a team through the process in the beginning as much as possible. Listen to her wants and needs until you “figure her out” and she lets you be the plug all on your own.
Yeah I agree I don't think you should surprise her like that. Most of the times when I have helped her husband get his wife over the hump of watching and talking about it and to actually doing it, I have the husband bring his wife out and we just bump into each other at a bar. And then I would flirt with the wife and talk with them so if the chemistry is there we would then tell the wife that we have been talking about helping her get to the next level. For the most part that still gives her option to choose if she's into the guy that you like or not. I suggest at least showing her pictures of the guy and asking her what she think about him like this is a friend I met what do you think about him do you like him.
On the flip side I have met and bumped into couples where I had talked to the husband and coached him on how to get his wife involved in the lifestyle and just bumped into them by accident and ended up going back to their place. The four-player conversation insured the chemistry was there in my assertiveness insured that she was in the right hands and that that she would be the center of our attention to. Bottom line you need to either talk to her about it beforehand or meet the guy in public and if she likes them then talk about you and him conversing about her. Sorry I'm using text to talk no punctuation
On the flip side I have met and bumped into couples where I had talked to the husband and coached him on how to get his wife involved in the lifestyle and just bumped into them by accident and ended up going back to their place. The four-player conversation insured the chemistry was there in my assertiveness insured that she was in the right hands and that that she would be the center of our attention to. Bottom line you need to either talk to her about it beforehand or meet the guy in public and if she likes them then talk about you and him conversing about her. Sorry I'm using text to talk no punctuation
TK.... You'll see the continued theme in all of this is communication. Don't ask us, ask her! Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Surprise is a really bad idea unless she has said that's what she wants. With that said in our situation she wants me to plan the event and just inform her what it will look like. That's what works for us and everyone is different.
Put time in at this stage. You may be some time away from the big event however the better prepared you are the higher the likely hood of your success and success early on is worth the extra time and work. If you place importance on having a positive first experience then remember if something doesn't feel right just pass.
If this discourages you remember this part of the game can be very fun for you too.
Put time in at this stage. You may be some time away from the big event however the better prepared you are the higher the likely hood of your success and success early on is worth the extra time and work. If you place importance on having a positive first experience then remember if something doesn't feel right just pass.
If this discourages you remember this part of the game can be very fun for you too.