A word of advice

[GiselaHoll]

As I said somewhere else, this lifestyle is not for young couples. This is a strong warning for those who, like us, wanted to try something new and crazy.

After months of therapy, husband confessed he simply can't live without the rush of seeing a woman getting fucked live by other men. It excites him more than sex with me.

I was shocked. Our sex was not bad at all, and we have always been honest with each other in this regard. When I grew fond of one of the black guys I was seeing, we agreed that for the time I had my own boyfriend, he could meet other ladies. He indeed has a colleague he's been seeing for a long time before and recently again.

But husband has now also admitted he even let her fuck with other men for his own pleasure. Why can't he be happy with one-on-one sex?

I'm devastated. He knows it. He'd be happy just knowing I was sleeping with different black guys. Am I ready to turn our marriage into a toy relationship? Nope.

We became trapped in this lifestyle because we both had underlying traits of sex addiction. I discovered a different side to myself of which I wasn't aware before. My husband came to believe I was nymphomaniac and still does. But, at least, I managed to reduce my instincts for a good while. However, I don't know if my husband's issue has a fix. His sex addiction is of a different nature.

I think his addiction is prevalent with many men attracted to the cuckold / IR lifestyle. Most people in this forum are not real cuckolds or hotwives. But the mindset is the same. I believe media (TV, video, and Internet) and porn have made certain weaknesses more permanent and caused more damage to people who did not and do not tried to engage with real sexual situations according to their inclinations. Most of them / you / us in this lifestyle are stuck in a limbo of misconceptions about gender roles and of dubious ideological views on race relations. Think of the way porn deals with and portraits women and minorities.

I say this considering that voyeurism is a less effective and poor alternative to engaging into sex with another human being, from my point of view.

Maybe it's too late for us, but if you want to accept a word of advice, our society has never offered more chances than before to help you live your dream. First, you could seek professional help. Counseling and sexual psychology have made a lot of advances in the last years and you can even get advice for free online. If your fixation is with black men, there are also plenty of social spaces where you can explore your sexuality. Black men come in all flavors: heterosexual, but also bi and homosexual. If both of you are trapped, there are a number of better activities you could put your energies in, like charity work. sports, social life. And of course, to rear a family which is one of the goals of marriage.

I'm sorry if I hurt somebody's feelings. That's not my intention. But I hope experiences like mine can help somebody else.

 

[Trayreloaded]

As I said somewhere else, this lifestyle is not for young couples..

Are you saying young in terms of age? Or as in we've only been dating for 3 months type of thing despite the age?

 

[slinky1]

This lifestyle can be very tough on relationships, especially the sexual side. I agree as well that it can be very addictive. I lost my ex-wife and my ex-fiance to men that were fucking them that I approved of or encouraged, and yet as soon as I was single, basically sexless and seeking a new partner, I only wanted another hotwife. Looks, money, race didn't matter, she had to be open to fucking other men. I also told her, that aside from me having a small penis and extreme PE issues, sex with her will only probaly ever be a 5/10 for both of us, yet if I masturbate while watching her with other men, my orgasms will nearly always be a 9.5/10... that can be very addictive believe me, and i'm 53yo, and still can't get enough of it.

But its never been an issue for us, because we laid down the rules/ terms early on. She knew I had an issue with excessive masturbation when we met, but she has never tried to change me, she has actually encouraged it, and that adds to a level of intimacy I wouldn't get from another woman.
So sex for us is quite different than for most couples. We have very little sex between us, aside from us masturbating to cuck porn on ocassion, but our relationship is absolutely watertight and we are still the best of friends.

But yes, I do believe cuckolding is a rabbit hole, thats hard to get out of once it gives that rush no other sex can.

 

[mywayintermsofsex]

(...)I'm sorry if I hurt somebody's feelings. That's not my intention. But I hope experiences like mine can help somebody else.

How could they, if they didn't even help yourselves and your own relationship?

Part of your post reads like a cuckolding lifestyle was an illness that needed treatment. Well, being in any lifestyle that you are conflicting with will be a problem sooner or later. Why not try to solve the conflict instead of suppressing your drive? Have you asked yourself what all the other couples do differently who are in a happy Hotwife/cuckold marriage?

 

[whtcpl4fun]

As I said somewhere else, this lifestyle is not for young couples. This is a strong warning for those who, like us, wanted to try something new and crazy.

After months of therapy, husband confessed he simply can't live without the rush of seeing a woman getting fucked live by other men. It excites him more than sex with me.

I was shocked. Our sex was not bad at all, and we have always been honest with each other in this regard. When I grew fond of one of the black guys I was seeing, we agreed that for the time I had my own boyfriend, he could meet other ladies. He indeed has a colleague he's been seeing for a long time before and recently again.

But husband has now also admitted he even let her fuck with other men for his own pleasure. Why can't he be happy with one-on-one sex?

I'm devastated. He knows it. He'd be happy just knowing I was sleeping with different black guys. Am I ready to turn our marriage into a toy relationship? Nope.

We became trapped in this lifestyle because we both had underlying traits of sex addiction. I discovered a different side to myself of which I wasn't aware before. My husband came to believe I was nymphomaniac and still does. But, at least, I managed to reduce my instincts for a good while. However, I don't know if my husband's issue has a fix. His sex addiction is of a different nature.

I think his addiction is prevalent with many men attracted to the cuckold / IR lifestyle. Most people in this forum are not real cuckolds or hotwives. But the mindset is the same. I believe media (TV, video, and Internet) and porn have made certain weaknesses more permanent and caused more damage to people who did not and do not tried to engage with real sexual situations according to their inclinations. Most of them / you / us in this lifestyle are stuck in a limbo of misconceptions about gender roles and of dubious ideological views on race relations. Think of the way porn deals with and portraits women and minorities.

I say this considering that voyeurism is a less effective and poor alternative to engaging into sex with another human being, from my point of view.

Maybe it's too late for us, but if you want to accept a word of advice, our society has never offered more chances than before to help you live your dream. First, you could seek professional help. Counseling and sexual psychology have made a lot of advances in the last years and you can even get advice for free online. If your fixation is with black men, there are also plenty of social spaces where you can explore your sexuality. Black men come in all flavors: heterosexual, but also bi and homosexual. If both of you are trapped, there are a number of better activities you could put your energies in, like charity work. sports, social life. And of course, to rear a family which is one of the goals of marriage.

I'm sorry if I hurt somebody's feelings. That's not my intention. But I hope experiences like mine can help somebody else.

Your issues are your issues and not reflected on others, because it didn't work for you doesn't mean, because of age, other people are going to deal with these things. It's called human nature and each person and couple is different

 

[syscom3]

As I said somewhere else, this lifestyle is not for young couples. This is a strong warning for those who, like us, wanted to try something new and crazy.

After months of therapy, husband confessed he simply can't live without the rush of seeing a woman getting fucked live by other men. It excites him more than sex with me.

I was shocked. Our sex was not bad at all, and we have always been honest with each other in this regard. When I grew fond of one of the black guys I was seeing, we agreed that for the time I had my own boyfriend, he could meet other ladies. He indeed has a colleague he's been seeing for a long time before and recently again.

But husband has now also admitted he even let her fuck with other men for his own pleasure. Why can't he be happy with one-on-one sex?

I'm devastated. He knows it. He'd be happy just knowing I was sleeping with different black guys. Am I ready to turn our marriage into a toy relationship? Nope.

We became trapped in this lifestyle because we both had underlying traits of sex addiction. I discovered a different side to myself of which I wasn't aware before. My husband came to believe I was nymphomaniac and still does. But, at least, I managed to reduce my instincts for a good while. However, I don't know if my husband's issue has a fix. His sex addiction is of a different nature.

I think his addiction is prevalent with many men attracted to the cuckold / IR lifestyle. Most people in this forum are not real cuckolds or hotwives. But the mindset is the same. I believe media (TV, video, and Internet) and porn have made certain weaknesses more permanent and caused more damage to people who did not and do not tried to engage with real sexual situations according to their inclinations. Most of them / you / us in this lifestyle are stuck in a limbo of misconceptions about gender roles and of dubious ideological views on race relations. Think of the way porn deals with and portraits women and minorities.

I say this considering that voyeurism is a less effective and poor alternative to engaging into sex with another human being, from my point of view.

Maybe it's too late for us, but if you want to accept a word of advice, our society has never offered more chances than before to help you live your dream. First, you could seek professional help. Counseling and sexual psychology have made a lot of advances in the last years and you can even get advice for free online. If your fixation is with black men, there are also plenty of social spaces where you can explore your sexuality. Black men come in all flavors: heterosexual, but also bi and homosexual. If both of you are trapped, there are a number of better activities you could put your energies in, like charity work. sports, social life. And of course, to rear a family which is one of the goals of marriage.

I'm sorry if I hurt somebody's feelings. That's not my intention. But I hope experiences like mine can help somebody else.

Thats an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

 

[GiselaHoll]

Are you saying young in terms of age? Or as in we've only been dating for 3 months type of thing despite the age?

Young in terms of age and as a young married couple. Probably 1 yr after marrying, we started playing with different things, one after the other. It was fun, I admit. I loved dressing in latex for a while. Husband was only 28-29 when we entered the world of IR cuckolding. Although there are young couples trying new experiences for the sake of adventure, I believe we were not mature enough and went a bit too far, too soon. If necessary at all.

 

[GiselaHoll]

... I only wanted another hotwife. ... she had to be open to fucking other men.

Sounds familiar... . But would you have the same mindset if you were better endowed? I'm not sure size is an argument for leniency, but I could still understand, even more in scenarios of impotency / EDS / disability. My husband is none of these cases. His problem is in his head. He admitted he had watched live porn shows as he was in college.

But its never been an issue for us, because we laid down the rules/ terms early on.

Precisely, you 'married into that'. Not saying it's all healthy. Addictive as you say.

 

[Trayreloaded]

I disagree that this lifestyle is not for young couples. Just because it may not work for yall, doesn't mean u should generalize an entire demographic or age group. This ******* is not for the insecure or jealous type. I've seen that in young and older couples. And in situations where the issue seems to be an addiction to the lifestyle, then maybe some ultimatums need to be made. This lifestyle is not for everybody, agreed. But age shouldn't be a deterring factor.

 

[GiselaHoll]

How could they, if they didn't even help yourselves and your own relationship?

Part of your post reads like a cuckolding lifestyle was an illness that needed treatment. Well, being in any lifestyle that you are conflicting with will be a problem sooner or later. Why not try to solve the conflict instead of suppressing your drive? Have you asked yourself what all the other couples do differently who are in a happy Hotwife/cuckold marriage?

Yep. Mostly, they are mature couples and / or with a good reason, i.e. a handicap. And yes, if one is not in any of those caterogies, it's like an illness. This is not a matter of communication and rules. Yes, husband tried to control his instincts. He was even the first to realize this wasn't the lifestyle he really wanted. First he stopped watching, but he did not call me out of the lifestyle. After he wanted to 'overcompensate' by having an affair, we went into therapy. For months, he assured me he was free of the old thoughts. Then, he began making suggestions like I could meet black guys again. And so on.

 

[whtcpl4fun]

Yep. Mostly, they are mature couples and / or with a good reason, i.e. a handicap. And yes, if one is not in any of those caterogies, it's like an illness. This is not a matter of communication and rules. Yes, husband tried to control his instincts. He was even the first to realize this wasn't the lifestyle he really wanted. First he stopped watching, but he did not call me out of the lifestyle. After he wanted to 'overcompensate' by having an affair, we went into therapy. For months, he assured me he was free of the old thoughts. Then, he began making suggestions like I could meet black guys again. And so on.

Sounds to me y'all weren't actually on the same page, lots of communication to start of and lots of communication throughout. Any marital situation when the communication breaks down so does the relationship

 

[24Hotwife4BBC]

As I said somewhere else, this lifestyle is not for young couples. This is a strong warning for those who, like us, wanted to try something new and crazy.

After months of therapy, husband confessed he simply can't live without the rush of seeing a woman getting fucked live by other men. It excites him more than sex with me.

I was shocked. Our sex was not bad at all, and we have always been honest with each other in this regard. When I grew fond of one of the black guys I was seeing, we agreed that for the time I had my own boyfriend, he could meet other ladies. He indeed has a colleague he's been seeing for a long time before and recently again.

But husband has now also admitted he even let her fuck with other men for his own pleasure. Why can't he be happy with one-on-one sex?

I'm devastated. He knows it. He'd be happy just knowing I was sleeping with different black guys. Am I ready to turn our marriage into a toy relationship? Nope.

We became trapped in this lifestyle because we both had underlying traits of sex addiction. I discovered a different side to myself of which I wasn't aware before. My husband came to believe I was nymphomaniac and still does. But, at least, I managed to reduce my instincts for a good while. However, I don't know if my husband's issue has a fix. His sex addiction is of a different nature.

I think his addiction is prevalent with many men attracted to the cuckold / IR lifestyle. Most people in this forum are not real cuckolds or hotwives. But the mindset is the same. I believe media (TV, video, and Internet) and porn have made certain weaknesses more permanent and caused more damage to people who did not and do not tried to engage with real sexual situations according to their inclinations. Most of them / you / us in this lifestyle are stuck in a limbo of misconceptions about gender roles and of dubious ideological views on race relations. Think of the way porn deals with and portraits women and minorities.

I say this considering that voyeurism is a less effective and poor alternative to engaging into sex with another human being, from my point of view.

Maybe it's too late for us, but if you want to accept a word of advice, our society has never offered more chances than before to help you live your dream. First, you could seek professional help. Counseling and sexual psychology have made a lot of advances in the last years and you can even get advice for free online. If your fixation is with black men, there are also plenty of social spaces where you can explore your sexuality. Black men come in all flavors: heterosexual, but also bi and homosexual. If both of you are trapped, there are a number of better activities you could put your energies in, like charity work. sports, social life. And of course, to rear a family which is one of the goals of marriage.

I'm sorry if I hurt somebody's feelings. That's not my intention. But I hope experiences like mine can help somebody else.

Placing high priority on building a solid foundation for our relationship from the beginning; made pursuing this lifestyle possible and gave both of us security and confidence in that.

 

[GiselaHoll]

I disagree that this lifestyle is not for young couples. Just because it may not work for yall, doesn't mean u should generalize an entire demographic or age group. This ******* is not for the insecure or jealous type. I've seen that in young and older couples. And in situations where the issue seems to be an addiction to the lifestyle, then maybe some ultimatums need to be made. This lifestyle is not for everybody, agreed. But age shouldn't be a deterring factor.

Maybe I'm projecting too much out of our experience, as you say. I don't like to see my husband trapped in this voyeuristic obsession. And it hurts that he sees me as a means to that end, not as the end itself. Being replaced with another woman just to reach that peak of excitement it only adds insult to injury. It's not jealousy per se.

 

[Easygliderpro]

Back in the late 90s, I was in New York, NY where a group of about 100 people met to talk about the war on *******. One wife stood up and spoke to all of us about her own story. She told us about her addiction to Valium and prescription ******* and how it almost destroyed her marriage and her husband’s work place.

Addiction can happen to anyone. And as I look around today, I see so many people with so many addictions. There are *******, yes. But there’s also addiction to work; there’s addiction to social media; there’s addiction to pornography; there’s addiction to sports, to name just a few. Addiction can be to anything that owns you and owns your affections. Addictions that steal away our rational thoughts are evil and cripple us in spiritual battle.

If there’s anything you have to hide about your behavior from those who know you, that’s addiction. If you’re not honoring God in the way you spend your money by blowing it on a habit, that’s addiction. Or, if your relationships with God and people are suffering because you have to make time for this one thing, that’s addiction.

When it comes to any habitual behavior you have, ask yourself, “Could this behavior potentially possess my life?” If it can, leave it alone. When you own your behavior and are in control of your actions, you’ll be ready for the spiritual battle of life.

YOUR ADDICTIONS CAN OWN YOU AND POSSESS YOU. SO MAKE SURE YOU’RE IN CONTROL OF YOUR BEHAVIOR SO YOU CAN FIGHT LIFE’S SPIRITUAL BATTLE.

 

[whtcpl4fun]

Maybe I'm projecting too much out of our experience, as you say. I don't like to see my husband trapped in this voyeuristic obsession. And it hurts that he sees me as a means to that end, not as the end itself. Being replaced with another woman just to reach that peak of excitement it only adds insult to injury. It's not jealousy per se.

A lot of the wives here love the fact our husbands watch and at times participate, much rather this addiction than another, the affair, that's a whole other thing

 

[GiselaHoll]

Placing high priority on building a solid foundation for our relationship from the beginning; made pursuing this lifestyle possible and gave both of us security and confidence in that.

I confess I was also weak in allowing a third person to mess with my feelings - our feelings, since my husband fand it exciting too. And until recently, we were communicating it all. It's only difficult to me now to see what to change, whether it's my behavior or his obsession. I only see my boyfriend on one side, and my husband with his addiction on he other.

 

[GiselaHoll]

A lot of the wives here love the fact our husbands watch and at times participate, much rather this addiction than another, the affair, that's a whole other thing

Been there. I probably insisted too much on him to participate. I wanted a parity in our rel. The affairs, we gave each other a hall pass.

 

[whtcpl4fun]

Been there. I probably insisted too much on him to participate. I wanted a parity in our rel. The affairs, we gave each other a hall pass.

Okay then everything you're saying is confusing, this statement makes like everything was fine, past statements talked about a lot of negativity, so I'm done. Life's to short and I have a boyfriend to meet tonight with my husband. Have fun because I sure am.

 

[GiselaHoll]

Okay then everything you're saying is confusing, this statement makes like everything was fine, past statements talked about a lot of negativity, so I'm done. Life's to short and I have a boyfriend to meet tonight with my husband. Have fun because I sure am.

Sorry. You got it wrong. I never said the affair was the problem to me. But that he considers his obsession as more important than me - to the point of replacing me with any other woman.

 

[slinky1]

Sounds familiar... . But would you have the same mindset if you were better endowed? I'm not sure size is an argument for leniency, but I could still understand, even more in scenarios of impotency / EDS / disability. My husband is none of these cases. His problem is in his head. He admitted he had watched live porn shows as he was in college.


Precisely, you 'married into that'. Not saying it's all healthy. Addictive as you say.

I couldn't answer that, if I was well endowed. I think if I had been i'd travelled a very different road in life altogether if I had. Having a small penis set me on a road of anguish, embarrasment, insecurity etc. in my late teens and I just had no idea how to deal with it. It prevented me from dating girls because of fear they'd tell others and I couldn't deal with the humiliation. From there from fear of being rejected, I started crossdressing a lot and having very submissive sex with older men, because I was so desperate for sex and wanted to be desired. plus was masturbating around 5 times a day, just to lessen the constant need. I didn't lose my virginity with a female until I was 23yo, and until that day hadn't even tongue kissed a girl, touched, tasted or smelt a pussy.

So basically I became very submissive sexually, but especially to females. I was basically pussy whipped from then on, the things i've done, money i've spent just to ensure I had a higher chance of getting laid, is eye watering.
So, i'm certain had I been hung in my youth, i'd see sex/ women/ social aspects very different, and the confidence that would've gone along with that, would have put me on a very different road I belive.