Man, can I relate to that. Get it out of my system, I thought. It's a fantasy planted there by IR porn and my repeated orgasms to it. It'll dissolve when reality fails to match. My first time was "only" oral, at a subway station gloryhole, by random chance. Didn't intend to swallow his nut but his superior cock felt and tasted so amazing no way I could pull away. Afterward, mind spinning, unable to reconcile my former intentions with what my eyes (and mouth) had been opened to. Didn't want to go down that road but powerless to fight the fierce craving that had taken hold.
A Black Man is just not someone a whiteboi can toy with and not be permanently altered. Once you have a Black Man's seed in you, especially anally, you're branded, physically and psychologically. Taken anally his seed lives on inside you and can easily get into the bloodstream, invade your whole body and live for a few days. Even orally, as in my first time, the craving gripped me instantly and I couldn't sleep worrying if I was going to come back from it. I wasn't. I don't know, maybe if you never take Black cum inside you you might have a fighting chance but who can resist that when it's gotten to the point of insemination? Not to be spooky about it but some say African DNA has a conquering power over whites and I certainly can't disprove that.