wife wants to stop

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jdflacpl, Aug 18, 2014.

  1. jdflacpl

    jdflacpl Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    I didn't want to hijack another thread so I figured I'd start my own

    We have been married 38 years she had her 1st "other" man where she was in her mid 20's we were both 18 when we married and I was her 1st and only. over a few years we did a couple of mfm with 2 different friends.
    Life got busy with kids and such so we took about a 15 year break. When we decided to start back we didn't want to involve friends and the internet was invented lol. This is how I found out I was a lucky white guy all the guys we hooked up with were smaller than me (I'm 9") so that's when I suggested going BBC she was not very interested at first but agreed to give it a try. Over the years we have had a couple of regular guys and a few 1 timers. All seemed well and lately we have been seeking a new regular guy and was just starting to get some good prospects.
    One big problem we have these days is we now have 2 adult sons and 2 grandkids living with us and in the economy today it helps all of us. So we were seeking a single guy with his own place for weekly visits maybe more which made it a bit tough but it does weed out the guys that claim to be single.
    This past weekend the grand kids went to the other grand parents and the sons went off mid Saturday not to return till sunday. Perfect we could have some fun that's when the NO came out and boy so did the I'm not doing this anymore. I know in the past there may have been a couple of guys she didn't want to do but did it any way to please me but once she gets the right one and he becomes a regular she really gets into it.

    I'm confused and angry at the moment I told her there's nothing wrong with what we are doing it it makes me love her even more shes says I'm treating her like a piece of meat.

    Any more advice for a horny old idiot.

    Does this look like a woman not enjoying BBC
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    IMG_0900.JPG
     
  2. Sarah

    Sarah Active Member Real Person Gold Member

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    I think you have to respect her wishes at the moment. Yes, she may love BBC but she clearly feels you are pressurising her into doing something she doesn't want to do. From an outside perspective, it sounds like she doesn't feel the time is right. I know I go through phases where I am more active than others and much of that depends on how happy and secure I feel. My advice would be to give her some time without applying any pressure. Try to take things slowly - perhaps get her to build a relationship with a guy online so she knows and trusts him. Once this happens, she might be more willing to say yes. Good luck and hope things work out for you both x
     
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  3. EllaTwo

    EllaTwo Member

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    I suspect there is also another factor, too. Family members that live with you making the risk of discovery too great for her to bear. You need to have an open and honest discussion with her to find out the real reasons and concerns. Sarah is right in her post above, go slow, no or little pressure, take lots of time, and TALK. Whatever you do, do NOT argue with her. Understand her points, appreciate them, and love her. Bring her flowers and little love gifts too.
     
  4. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    This activity should be about "her", and I sense she's determined it's become more about "you" and your wants, not her's. Keep in mind that as one changes with age and new responsibilities, so do their priorities. It seems she's possibly taken a step back and looked at the big picture and its not what she wants.
    If she's saying she's done ... respect it, don't bring it up again, and find other activities of interest. If she appears to have suddenly lost interest, overall, in sex ... have it checked out. From the pics you've posted, she possibly isn't that far off from starting to have hormone imbalances. It's part of aging in women.
    A couple that's been together as long as the two of you should be making plans as to what the next 20-30 years will provide you. Seems you've been blessed thus far.
    Mac
     
  5. emma frost

    emma frost Member

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    Well put.
     
  6. falcondfw69

    falcondfw69 Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    All extremely good advice. This is about her, not you. But there's something else. Married 38 years. Got married when you were both 18. Do the math and that comes out to . . . MENOPAUSE!!!! Is she never able to get comfortable temperature-wise in the house? Do things suddenly hurt that never hurt before? Has she lost interest or has the interest been reduced within the last few years even of having sex with you? Those evil little hormones will get you every time. That may be the root cause of the firm no you got. Of course having kids and kids of kids living with you does make it a far more risky thing to do and she may not be willing to take that risk.
    Advice:
    1. Check out the menopause thing with a doctor.
    2. It's about her. If she says no, back off and respect it. If you don't, you WILL be treating her like a piece of meat.
    3. Do not even mention it again. If/When she is ready to do it again, she will come to you, because she knows she can.
     
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  7. Orion Pax

    Orion Pax Moderator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    There actually real men around here.
     
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  8. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    It really doesn't make any difference as to why. It's her body and if she says no, it means no. You need to respect her wishes.
     
  9. pienman

    pienman Active Member

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    If she wanta to stop... gotta respect her mind & wishes bro
     
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  10. jdflacpl

    jdflacpl Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Thanks everyone I had to vent plus your comments do help I am giving her space
     
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  11. superdick33

    superdick33 Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    If it's a wrap it's a wrap if a ladie is not cool with it anymore just leave it alone and move on sometimes shit gets old and she probably want a change in life age does tend to bring more responsibility's and she is most likely going threw some hormonal imbalances.

    Good luck bro

    Storm
     
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  12. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    gif_Question.gif
    jdfla, one other thing comes to mind from your o-p. You mentioned that you now have 2 adult sons and 2 grandkids that have moved back in to live with you. How is your wife emotionally handling this added intrusion into your own lives? I've personally known a few married couples where their adult children moved back in with them and it didn't work out so well. Is your house adequate to comfortably and suddenly add 4 additional people back into it? Are your adult sons helping with house expenses/chores (electricity, food, rent, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc???), or are they just living there? This alone can cause a tremendous amount of stress and frustration, but particularly on a woman, because she ends up being the one picking up the additional slack. Have you specifically talked to her about the 4 living there, and what was her feedback?
    Mac