When its real its not funny

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by B Bull, Mar 3, 2015.

  1. B Bull

    B Bull New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    My wife is cheating on me. She hangs out with this older lady that likes black guys and they have ladies nights out. I've gone looking for them.

    So I found them at and R&B club. My wife, her friend and two other girls. The club was crowded and I thought for sure they would see me. It was heart wrenching seeing her flirt with the men... and she was talking and dancing with the ugliest and oldest guy there. She was the most beautiful girl in the club, dancing and carrying on with that old fart.

    I don't know what to do. I am crazy at times. I love her and I do not want to lose her. I saw her walk out with the group and the girls drove off together.

    So she does this with that friend of hers every so often. Its gotten worse. I caught her this past week with the old guy, by herself with him after work. He's like 20 years older than her at least!

    I look around in here and see that sexually this is all arousing, but I may lose my wife because I may not forgive her. I think sites like this are propogating these ideas.
     
    rickastley and wit like this.
  2. falcondfw69

    falcondfw69 Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    If you think sites like this are propogating these ideas and you don't approve, not to be a wise acre or anything, but why are you here? If you want help or ideas, this is not the way to go about getting it.
     
  3. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    True, cuckolding is NOT funny or enjoyable at all when it is real. But, you were given some good advice & comments in the thread I am not a cuckold and my wife is not a slut and you have chosen not to believe or accept them. (see link) You're in a state of denial and there is no hope for you until you do.

    You should document what is going on, particularly if you desire to keep your son, so she doesn't add insult to injury by taking your son with her when the two of you get a divorce. Then serve her sorry ass divorce papers. Life is short, and, she is not going to change. Once you find a woman that really loves you, in your life, you'll forget all about the sorry slut, promise!
    Condolences to for your situation ... Mac

    https://www.blacktowhite.net/threads/i-am-not-a-cuckold-and-my-wife-is-not-a-slut.38475/
     
    #3 MacNfries, Mar 3, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2015
  4. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    pic_KickTheBitchOut.jpg .... time to play HARD BALL! ..... GIF_GrouchoMarx.gif
     
  5. Miz

    Miz New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I would confront her.
     
    hnj21 and Philly2012 like this.
  6. bm_from_southjersey

    bm_from_southjersey Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Sorry to say, but it looks like you are steamrolling towards a divorce.

    In that event, start making preparations. I may be mistaken, but I think you said in a previous post that you got into her email. If so, make copies of any incriminating emails, and if possible, text messages, instant messages, monitor her phone calls on your phone bill, look for incriminating receipts, etc etc.
     
    Torpedo and MacNfries like this.
  7. Chip

    Chip Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    I went through the same thing many years ago with my first wife she admitted to an affair or laspe in judgement before our daughter was born and I forgave her and moved on with our marriage saying she was young and was adjusting to being married. Then about 6 months after our daughter was born she had a new job and new friends all the women she hung with were single and thats when it started she cheated and lied and her friends lied for her. It finally came to a head when she admitted with having sex with a guy in our house and a few nights later had a hickie on each tit which I had not done. I told her either she had to quit screwing around and seek consueling or leave. She moved out and in with a guy over 20 years older than her then during the divorce the cheating stories came out no one won family broken up but had to be done you can love her but cannot stay married.
     
    hnj21 and MacNfries like this.
  8. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Real cuckolding is cheating = cheating is lying = lying is dishonesty = dishonesty is a lack of integrity = divorce the bitch and take EVERYTHING you can from her life as painfully as possible.
    gif_Yellowball-DrinkingCoffee3.gif
     
    hnj21 and bm_from_southjersey like this.
  9. B Bull

    B Bull New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I'm confronting her today. Thanks.

    It was going well until lately. I want to blame her bimbo friend.......
     
  10. falcondfw69

    falcondfw69 Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    B_Bull, you can blame her friend all you want, but it won't solve the problem. And remember, however much influence her friend has over your lady, your lady permits that influence. We can only be influenced if we allow it. Your lady is responsible for her own actions.
     
  11. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    B Bull, I just encourage you to have a "plan" before you talk to her; this will be your primary advantage ... being prepared to respond and act to whatever she says or whatever happens; its likely she will not be. As I said in your other thread, "plan for the best, but prepare for the worst". Best of luck ... Mac
     
    hnj21 and bm_from_southjersey like this.
  12. B Bull

    B Bull New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Well. Needless to say things did not go well. She is totally confused. Her friends are terrible and I think to blame for most of the stupidest ideas. I am to blame for not talking enough to her....

    "its just sex." Really? what about me, how I feel.

    "He's just a tool." What?

    "I like sex............there is nothing wrong with safe sex" There is if you are cheating!! How do you know it's safe!! WTF

    "I'm sorry. I love you." Show me you love me don't tell me.

    I was so angry. I do love her. Up shit creek I guess. She went to live with her stupid friend. I went to the club on Friday and Saturday to see if she would show up, and just when I thought she would not........ she shows up dressed like sex was on the menu. That idiot was already there.

    She did look miserable, and everyone including that guy were consoling her. I don't know if she went home with him or not. I left before they did. WTF!
     
  13. B Bull

    B Bull New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I forgot the dumbest one.

    "He's fucking other girls...... I don't care about him." Oh that makes everything better now, doesn't it!
     
  14. falcondfw69

    falcondfw69 Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    BBull,
    I think you know which way this goes, even if you don't want to admit it.
    Even if you are able to save the marriage, you are always going to have that thought in the back of your mind "Is she with him right now? Is she seeing someone else I don't know about? Is what she is telling me the truth?"
    No matter what happens, the trust is gone and it always will be.
    If she had appeared to be sorry, you might have been able to save things. But not with her attitude.
    I am sorry.
     
  15. StanandDaniella

    StanandDaniella Active Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Trust, communication and understanding is extremely important ! Once it's gone then it's all down the hill ! Just saying
     
  16. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    B Bull, sometimes appearing nonchalant & uncaring is the best offense ... a "all or nothing". She probably doesn't think you'll offer the all-or-nothing alternative, but you really have little to lose by doing that when you think about it. You certainly wouldn't be happy with the alternative.
    It's probably not going to matter in the long term of this relationship, however. If you're not providing her what she feels she needs, she's eventually going to get it on her own or be unhappy herself.
    Maybe if the two of you returned to the time when you first met, reconstructed what attracted you to each other, a rebuild of your relationship could be possible, but involving others in your relationship obviously won't work.
    I'd really be planning my "continuation of my own life" move ... and not include her in it.
    Good luck ... Mac
     
    hnj21 and bm_from_southjersey like this.
  17. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Some people equate monogamy and monotony. It's just the way it is. I am one of those "older men". Nearly all the women that share my bed have done so over a long period of time. None of the women involve their husbands and I doubt most of the husbands suspect their wives are getting fucked by an old black man. That being said I can pretty guarantee if your wife is seeking sex outside your marriage she will continue to do so. You have two choices, accept it or get a divorce. If you go the divorce route bm_from_southjersey has an excellent post earlier in this thread. We get married for love, romance, and companionship among other things. Divorce is pure business, throw your emotions out the window and do whatever you can legally do to get the outcome you want.
     
  18. B Bull

    B Bull New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I went looking for her. She's not at her friends.

    The guy is always at the club, so I got his name. I looked him up and I drove to his house. Her car is there.

    How can she go with that guy............ its horrible. What does she see in him? The guy is always with different girls. Total party guy. He doesn't care about her.

    I'm just lonely and sad. She is way out of his league. Were we that unhappy?
     
  19. bigblackbull76

    bigblackbull76 My BBC would bodyslam KingKong off top the Empire Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    @B Bull ,
    Just catching up on this thread and I read all your wrote. First off this site is not propagating or the source of your woes. You are redirecting your frustration in the wrong direction and blaming her friends instead of her and dealing with your situation. You are going through a real situation that whether or not this site ever existed would and could have still occurred all on its own. There are plenty of programs on TV - especially that stupid Discovery ID channel with tons of stories of 'Who the bleep did I marry" and all those cheating spouse stories. I briefly dated a woman who worked as a writer for TV, magazines, and wrote stories for that show and boy did I give it to her for contributing to that garbage but I digress.

    Somewhere your relationship with your wife came way off the tracks. Obviously you are very hurt and instead of sulking about it on here with how things went wrong you need to take very real actions to make a DECISION on EXACTLY what you want to do. You said you have confronted her and it seems she just ran off. It was probably a very heated conversation because your emotions came exploding out so no one is going to listen to one another (you to her or her to you) when someone is screaming at them.

    If you do want to remain married to this woman as you say you love her, first ask her nicely, and calmly does she still love you and want to remain married to you. Realistically what things do you think the two of you still have and share that would keep your marriage bonded together and I'm not talking about material possessions or children?

    If she answers she does still love you and want to remain married then ask her to goto counseling with you so you both could be heard in a neutral setting with someone who could serve as a neutral party and referee to make sure both sides get their turn to speak openly without the other side interrupting them. Organize your thoughts, write them down and try to speak about how you have been hurt and not attack her on what she has done. A trick in psychological studies of conflict resolution in relationships is to always speak about how your trust was broken, how you were hurt and not attack the other party. The other side is more receptive to hearing you out when you speak about your feelings not not saying "YOU DID THIS, and THAT..." as it only makes them more defensive and less likely to listen to you.

    Those are my words to console you, however there is some real damage done here in your relationship and I'm not sure if you are ever going to be able to forgive her in which your future relationship won't have any trust and you will keep reminding her of how she hurt you and it would just keep the wound open and the roots poisoned where nothing could continue to grow.

    Get off this site, stop thinking about the whole cuckold, slutwife business all together, think about your life and what you truly want. This site is not your professional counseling, shrinks couch, nor going to give you all the answers to help you out. You need help in the real world as to conflict resolution and a plan on how to repair the damage emotionally and move forward in your life.

    Others on here have provided their advice and I'm only looking at this right now from the perspective after hearing out about your feelings. I can't tell you what to do, but only strongly advise to get off here, get some professional counseling help and do consult with a lawyer about possible next steps to take before your situation gets worse where you do something you may really regret. Get your head together, be cool - get help.

    Do not message me, I have nothing else to add about this, but to get off this site and go get help and don't post anymore about this situation until you can come back on here to write about what reasonable and rational actions you took in the REAL WORLD to get your life back in order.

    I'm rooting for you B Bull, you can do it.
     
  20. 1bbc4u2c

    1bbc4u2c Active Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Can't add anything to that. Perfectly said.