What are we doing wrong?

[GenS]

Ladies/couples,

How come when you get a well written and and respectful email you guys don't reply? I ain't saying you need to write a whole paragraph but at the same time a little courtesy, even if it's a simple no thank you. Then you piss and moan bout the forum being lame or calling everyone "fakes"? Or a guy throws a "whats up lil mama" type line at you you say don't like your approach, what gives? Either you are or you aren't... Please clarify. I for one am tired of wasting my time writing a decent approach and no courtesy in return...

 

[cause4]

Ladies/couples,

How come when you get a well written and and respectful email you guys don't reply? I ain't saying you need to write a whole paragraph but at the same time a little courtesy, even if it's a simple no thank you. Then you piss and moan bout the forum being lame or calling everyone "fakes"? Or a guy throws a "whats up lil mama" type line at you you say don't like your approach, what gives? Either you are or you aren't... Please clarify. I for one am tired of wasting my time writing a decent approach and no courtesy in return...

That's a theory that people have driven into the women's mind that women have the power of choice... to alot of women..you seem weak for calling out what should be common sense to most. As to why? Look, I've learnt not to even speak out complaining about the hypocrisy...just simply speak out against it.....Honestly you're not doing anything wrong..They are simply wrong for not respecting your courtesy enough to say at LEAST 'no thank you'

ie.... FUCK EM

 

[allanbradl]

I think that you might have set your expectations too high. People are people, somebody didn't like your profile, somebody didn't like your picture, somebody got too many similar proposals. You don't blame lottery for not winning a jackpot, you keep on buying daily and hope for the best. I think lowering your expectations and persistence will pay off, at the end you really want to get hooked with those who like your "style". Keep looking and smile : )

 

[willsrvu]

Common courtesy should be the rule in all cases.
If someone takes the time to read your profile information, meets your requirements and makes a respectful overture, then at the very least a polite thank you, but no, thank you, is appropriate.

However, if they don't bother to extend the courtesy of reading your profile or disregard your stated desires, then no response is warranted.
Example: black stud specifies he is interested in corresponding and meeting with white, thin, middle aged women only and a gay guy contacts him to ask if he will let him give him a blowjob.
Not replying is perfectly acceptable as clearly, the gay dude either didn't read or didn't respect what the black guy's profile information said.

 

[allanbradl]

It is really funny how you contradict yourself by inventing justifications and setting up standards. People are who they are. Perhaps the beauty of this world is not in complying with each other's expectation (frequently contradicting) but in its immense diversity. And if you accidentally meet somebody nice (per your requirements) it is icing on a cake. In Ancient Greece there was a myth about Procrustes , rather sad story, give it a read and smile : )

 

[willsrvu]

It is really funny how you contradict yourself by inventing justifications and setting up standards.

Its not a contradiction at all. I said "Common courtesy should be the rule in all cases."
That means the person initiating the contact should exercise courtesy as well to determine if the contact would be welcome.
If I put a sign on my door that says "Do NOT Disturb" or "No Solicitors", don't expect me to welcome you in if you knock on my door to ask me if I'd like to buy a vacuum cleaner. The best you can hope for is a "No, thank you" as I close the door, although I will probably ask if you can read.

People are who they are. Perhaps the beauty of this world is not in complying with each other's expectation (frequently contradicting) but in its immense diversity.

I am reminded of this every time I take my Wife out to treat her to a romantic dinner at an upscale restaurant late in the evening and someone insists on bringing their three young ******* in so they can run around, scream, cry and carry on while the parents make no attempt to control them.
The beauty of the world and of people being who they are and the diversity of their not complying with my expectations is clearly obvious, not only to me and my Wife, but to the rest of the customers as well. Sometimes even to the management who do their best to try to accommodate all.

And if you accidentally meet somebody nice (per your requirements) it is icing on a cake. In Ancient Greece there was a myth about Procrustes , rather sad story, give it a read and smile : )

Accidental meetings can be wonderful and rewarding, such as when I met my Wife.

Unless, of course, the person you happen to accidentally meet is someone like Jeffrey Dahmer, in which case, you would probably really wish he had had the courtesy to read the "Do NOT Disturb" sign and and continued on to one of the neighbor's houses.
Especially the one with the 2 dogs that bark all night.

 

[Torpedo]

This thread gives me another reason to be glad that I am in a group. A"no show" is considered a serious breach of group etiquette. Before the group I had a few women get cold feet and had second thoughts when actually faced with crossing the line. Generally with a little patience they went through with it and for the most part enjoyed themselves. However if you are dealing with a person remotely and/or the person doesn't communicate nothing is going to happen

Not replying and ignoring requests seems to be pretty prevalent and not just on this site. I think some people talk about taking the plunge and when they are faced with actually living the fantasy they get cold feet.

 

[MacNfries]

I think folks need to come to terms with the true function of this site, and its not for "hooking up" ... otherwise everyone would be crowding (standing room only) into the Interracial Dating section of this site INSTEAD of the General Discussion section for those with curiousities and fantasies.
Go there ... check it out. It's quieter than a church on a Monday night.

 

[willsrvu]

I think folks need to come to terms with the true function of this site, and its not for "hooking up" ... otherwise everyone would be crowding (standing room only) into the Interracial Dating section of this site INSTEAD of the General Discussion section for those with curiousities and fantasies.
Go there ... check it out. It's quieter than a church on a Monday night.

View attachment 361067

Very true, Mac.
However, the one thing I have noticed since becoming a Mod/Admin, is that most of the initial "dating" contacts seem to take place on members profile pages rather than in the dating section and this is where, I think, part of the problem resides.

Someone sees a new member to the site or is a new member themselves and goes to the other's profile page to contact them, often not bothering to check their information tab or to see if they have posted in the "Introduction" or "Dating" forums or even ignoring what they do find.
Keep in mind that the primary Profile page messages are not static, the newest message knocks the last down on the list, which is why the "Info" tab is there. That is an instant window to whatever the members wish to share about themselves without causing others to scroll through the primary page messages.

Unfortunately, many members do not bother to give much info about themselves even if they are seeking to meet others, which I find incredibly strange, as one can place an enormous amount of pertinent information about themselves, their interests and what they are seeking and still remain totally anonymous. Even posting pictures with their faces and other identifying marks blocked out.
Doing this would help avoid wasting not only their time and energy, but would be courteous of the interested party's time as well, even if all they post on their profile info tab is "Please don't contact me for a date as I am not looking to meet anyone", should that be the case.

 

[Torpedo]

I think anyone that relies on this or any other web site to get laid really needs to take a hard look at their personality and attitudes. I haven't hooked up with anyone from this site and I really don't have any intention to try. I am here to exchange thoughts and ideas with people that share in a lifestyle I enjoy. I get all the sex I want/need/can handle locally. Unless a person is a great distance from any population a person should be able to find someone to share a bed with if they want to. If you can't meet someone locally that is willing to share your bed you really need to ask yourself why. And if you are honest the problem most likely isn't with the other people.

I