Watching my wife with another man I felt both jealous and turned on. What surprised me was how the two feelings were intertwined. I never imagined jealousy could be a turn-on, and if you haven't experienced that, my words will probably just sound confusing or farfetched. Before I'd seen my wife with another man, if someone had told me he was turned on by being jealous, I would have said that's nuts!

What happened was this. My wife cheated on me. It wasn't a longterm affair. She went to a party, got drunk, and fooled around with another guy. They didn't have sex, but they made out for a long time, he sucked on her nipples, and she gave him a blowjob.

She confessed to me the next day. She was deeply sorry and racked with guilt, and I felt all the things a husband usually feels in such situations. I was furious. I cried. I felt betrayed. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I realized I was a little turned on. But I had way too much anxiety and anger to focus on that.

But my wife and I have a really strong relationship. When this happened, we'd already been together for many years, and I didn't for a second think she wanted to leave me. I certainly didn't want to leave her. Over the next couple of weeks, I found myself feeling less and less angry and upset. Then the anger was completely gone, and I was left only with the turned on feeling, which was now impossible for me to ignore.

I started fantasizing about watching my wife with another man. I told her this, and it became part of our pillow talk. I asked her to describe her experience at the party in great detail, and it took about four times for her to be able to get through the telling me without me ejaculating after she said, "And then he kissed me" or "And then he unbuttoned my top." It was very, very strange to discover that, at a relatively late age, I'd developed (seemingly out of nowhere) a new fetish. And such a counterintuitive one. But soon I began to fantasize about the cuckolding experience.

My wife and I stared exploring stuff with other men. We never became lifestyle swingers, but we dabbled. And what I found, again and again, was that the jealousy was all mixed up with the sexiness for me.

Watching my wife was like a roller coaster ride with its mix of emotions, fear, pleasure, anticipation and joy.

I found that if my wife just had mechanical sex with another guy, I got bored. She had to be really into it, making love to the other guy rather than just fucking him. And I often enjoyed seeing her make out with other guys even more than I enjoyed watching her have sex with them. It had to seem intimate and she had to be really into it -- or it wouldn't make me jealous.

But I certainly didn't want her falling in love with another guy or even dating another guy. Had that happened, I would have been just as upset as a "normal" guy. I wasn't worried about this happening, because my wife and I have such a strong bond, but, had it happened, I would have been devastated.

So I was just like a horror-movie fan who wanted to be scared but not too scared. I got turned on when my wife was in another man's arms or sitting on his lap, kissing him deeply, and my stomach started turning over with jealousy. It was the rush of risk. But risk that wasn't too risky. It was nausea and the good kind of butterflies in the stomach, all at the same time. Very confusing, but also intoxicating!

Then one evening we had an experience that changed everything. At a friend's party we were introduced to a rather large black man. He was handsome and obviously very well put together. I could tell my wife was immediately taken with him and I got that deep feeling in the pit of my stomach. Would she want to fuck him? Would I be willing to let her? Up to this point none of her lovers had been particularly over powering figures, but this one was so different.

We invited him back to our house and after a drink or two, they went up to the bedroom. I was to give them a few minutes before coming up. As I climbed the stairs ten minutes later I could hear the sounds of love making coming from our bedroom. I stood a peered inside the room. They were both completely nude and he was fucking her in the missionary position. Apparently their desire couldn't wait for foreplay. It was an amazing sight to see. My wife with her legs spread wide and this muscular black stud between them driving his cock deep inside of her. Her nipples were taunt and she moaned with pleasure at each thrust. I didn't move from the doorway but stayed there mesmerized by the sight of their coupling. Only when they had finished and he stood did I realize the enormous length and girth of his manhood. My wife lay on the bed, his load running from her swollen pussy. "Did you enjoy watching us dear?" she asked.

I wasn't sure if it was enjoyment I had felt, but i knew I had to experience again.