When I was younger, I was a nerdy girl who loved Jane Austin’s novels and Lorca’s poetry. I wanted to be the perfect Catholic, purity and chastity were the paths to obtain moral perfection. Virtue was the ultimate state, as it represented true freedom and gave life real meaning and purpose. But all these desires and my love for readings could not distract me from the physical developments in my body. I hated my growing breasts, as I got older, my vagina was the real problem. I remember my arousal watching sexy MTV video clips, and waking up in the middle of the night to find my fingers rubbing my outer lips.
There was a very difficult relationship between my ideals and sexual awakening. This confusion was made worse when I discovered erotic literature. My soul wanted to ascend spiritually, but my body made me descend into a dark underworld. I would feel ashamed after the act, but while masturbating with those readings I was excited beyond description. I felt that I was becoming a serious pervert, and this feeling made worse when I got my own laptop and discovered Internet porn.
However, I was a good girl. That was what my ******* always said: “you’re a good girl, Monica” meaning “I’m pretty sure you are still virgin”. And he was right. In the high school I had many fans but I liked being thought of as untouchable. After reading some books I’d found in the public library, I discovered that I was not abnormal. I was, as the books described, simply ‘highly sexed’.
After my first sexual experience pornography became secondary in my life… until, many years later, I began to cheat my husband with a black Dom and he sent me a list of videos that I should watch as part of my ‘education’. It was my second corruption.
I have a long experience in several alternative forms of sex, like BDSM, where it is commonly assumed that pornography is only a side expression of the lifestyle. However, it seems that IR porn is considered by many people as the starting point of the sexual relationships involving domination and racial fetishization between black men and white women. This is half true in my case. The first time I saw a BBC in action, my eyes felt glued, my soul was transfixed and it felt like an electric current passed through my whole body. I was hooked and couldn’t understand the reason. Since that moment, an active part of my imagination revolved around it. I never had those feelings before, I only knew that I was drawn to it like a moth to fire. I did not understand why I was stuck with this fetish. No matter what porn I watched, I would always circle back to interracial at the end of the day.
Soon I discovered this site on the Internet containing literally thousands of IR amateur videos. Some of them had turned me on tremendously and I loved that feeling. It seemed as though every sex act and every fantasy my mind ever conceived had been covered by a black male and a white woman. Flushed with passion while reading the forums, I had caught herself rubbing my thighs together many times.
On a whim and desiring some human contact, I decided to create a profile… MonicaV. My favourite thing about Internet is the anonymity, but the emotion of being formally ‘into’ the interracial lifestyle was amazing. I have always had a brainy sexuality and for this reason I find very appealing erotic literature and chatting about sexual experiences with other people. My Dom encouraged me to visit Blacktowhite.net to ‘normalize’ them in my mind, as a form of ‘group therapy’. At the begining of my life as a ‘white submissive’ I felt like a pervert and a weirdo, but chatting with other women who shared the same kinks made me feel ‘normal’. Soon I discovered that the images and stories I enjoyed were becoming more and more ‘extreme’, particularly in ‘racial language’, and I wondered about it.
The first time a stranger called me ‘white slut’ I was offended. But I sat back for a moment and thought about what had happened. Reminding myself that I was on an adult site, I wondered if I was being a bit prudish. Of course, I was ‘safe’, no matter what anyone had said to me. This circumstance freed my to be, or accept, anything a black Dominant told me, as long as I kept any personal details private.
Since then, I visited some websites almost every day. I’d even started to think that chatting online was made for me. Ignoring the dickheads, it was fun and, if the truth were told, now I love being treated as a ‘white whore’. In bed with the company of my laptop, I could caress myself for hours while chatting and barely notice the time passing. Seeing the reflection of myself plucking and twisting my nipples in the mirror of my bedroom is almost like watching someone else perform for me.
I created a whole ‘persona’, becoming an alter ago. I published several provocative pseudo-articles in the forums as a mischievous pastime. The feedback was awful althought I got a large group of fans, but with the past of time, as my real experiences as a white submissive become more numerous, I decided to leave aside that persona and talk honestly about my real experiences. My growing immersion into the real Blackness increased my attraction towards the black masculinity but, at the same time, those videos that I had found so exciting to me began to look contrived, false and unreal. Only amateur porn seemed credible and therefore appealing.
What is the difference? When I read a story or watch an amateur video, I am immersed in the protagonist. I do not find myself being a voyeur. The woman in the video is not any woman, it is me. This is the crux of my fetish. I realised that I had understand that most of the professional IR porn is just a staging of fantasies intended for white male’s arousal. The paradox is the prevailing idea about how the sexual interactions between black men and white women are (or should be) has nothing to do with the actual sex dynamics between them.
Interracial porn does not pretend to normalize sex between people of different races. It only recycles the old racist views and stereotypes about the black community, preserving the old hierarchies and structures of power. As the porn actress Vanessa Belmond stated: “My [black] boyfriend grew to hate doing porn, because he was constantly told to act more like a thug stereotype. He got passed up many times because he was not dark enough, and because he was uncomfortable being rough with women and calling them racist names. He wasn’t good at playing into the ‘scary black man’ persona, so directors went for the guys that could.”
Mainstream interracial porn embodies the greatest fear of the white man: having a beautiful, sexually liberated couple, whose behavior is not restricted by the morality of the white patriarchy, that eventually embrace the superior black masculinity. In those videos, blacks are portrayed as mere thugs, sexual predators corrupting respectable white ladies. This conception of IR porn pretends to be progressive or defiant but it does not threaten the white males privileges, as negroes are still ‘in their place’ and it is assumed that white women are being morally ‘defiled’ or ‘corrupted’ having sex with them. That is the reason why IR porn is so ‘hot’, because it is perceived a way to degrade white women that should remain ‘pure’ in order to avoid that her white offspring won’t be contaminated.
Sometimes I have heard from white males that my pussy has been ‘ruined’ by BBCs. Sorry guys, but we are not your property and since I went black my vagina is better than ever.
Now I have a contradictory relationship with this kind of porn. I love amateur porn because I consider it an honest expression of interracial relationships, although I also enjoy the sophistication of Blacked.com productions. The voluntary submission of a white woman to a black man is one of the most intense form of eroticism, but black men and white women are not mere actors for white male’s masturbatory gratification. We must leave aside all the cliches created by porn… but also a ridiculous set of politically correct pretensions.
Many common places of this genre only can be understood considering the history of racial segregation in the USA. There are universal axioms, though, and one of them is a tacit racial hierarchy based on melanin, which makes whoever is at the top socially superior (‘the paler, the better’). This fact converts the possession of a white woman as a symbol of social success, even if in their country there is no a slavery past like in the USA. Many blacks refuse to admit this racial preference exists, although their sexual behavior makes it clear… and many white women want to compensate this unfairness in some way, or are eager to prove that they are not racist. For them sucking a black cock is a social catharsis, a release of historical guilt, or a mere pose like attending a charity dinner, although they won’t admit it neither. In Tumblr you can find dozens of blogs of progressive ladies sharing pictures of white women in romantic or sexual attitudes with men of color, with comments like ‘love see no color’ and that kind of bullshit. If racial difference really does not matter, why do you ONLY share pictures of black males and white females?
There is another masquerade about the ‘racial reparations’ issue. I do not consider my sexual submission to a Black male as a charity act that the superior grants to the inferior due her great magnanimity. A white woman does not give anything to a true alpha male: he takes from her what he wants, otherwise he wouldn’t be a Dom. These sexual/racial relations must be based on the acknowledgment of the sexual superiority of the black man, assuming the archetypes of the ancient mating ritual: the alpha and omega roles. The so-called ‘interracial lifestyle’ is not a matter of reparations, but a matter of nature.
