Three Ole Miss Tri-Delts decided to become reacquainted after a few years of raising *******. They met on the Square in Oxford for mimosas at lunch-time , before a mid afternoon kickoff between Bama and Ole Miss. Their husbands were chugging beers in the Grove.
Beth said, "Let's catch up! I'll go first. My husband is a famous surgeon. He works on the rich and powerful. The Mayo Clinic and M.D. Anderson both send jets for him. We love to vacation in the Alps."
Jenny said "My, that's impressive! Well, I'll go second. My husband is a famous financier. The Fed Chairman calls him for advice. We like the Alps, too. But we are partial to Monaco."
Melissa sort of shifted. "Well, there is not much to tell. We run a pet shop in Bug Tussel, specializing in birds. I work as the Assistant Meat Manager at Piggly Wiggly to make ends meet. Last year we went to Dollywood, with our six *******-"
"Six *******?" Beth asked.. "Well, we use protection. But Darnell's sperm are persistent little buggers. And there is just so many of them! Anyway, we went to Dollywood and we planned to spend three days. But it started raining the second night. We were bunched up in the back of the pickup , and got soaked. So, we came back a day early."
Beth and Jenny gave each other long looks. Beth, the bossy one, leaned in. "Melissa, think. Surely there is something unusual about your life."
Melissa bit her lip and stared across the square. "Well, we used to get some looks, being the first black-white couple in Bug Tussell. But the fact that Darnell scored all those touchdowns for Ole Miss, especially those two that beat Bama, probably made it easier for folks to take that I was dating a big black guy. Plus, he is good with the birds, and we sell a lot of them."
Beth was undeterred. "Surely, surely there is something else you can tell us."
Melissa hesitated. "Well...when Darnell and I get ready to fool around, and he gets excited, you can place [Melissa cups her hands close together on the right and moves them to the left] 10 parrots on Darnell's tallywacker like this, which he calls Old Blue."
Jenny spit out part of her mimosa, catching the pants of the prissy waiter that was walking by, sort of off the ground, light in his loafers. Beth rolled her eyes.
Beth said, "Well, I am afraid I exaggerated. My husband is not a famous surgeon. He is though , a podiatrist. He accidentally lopped off the big toe of a state senator. He hopes to get his license back in a couple of years, but that is not certain. Lordy, I do not even know where the Alps are."
Melissa sighed. " My husband is not a famous financier. He was the credit manager of the local Sheet Metal Worker's Union. He has been indicted for fraud and goes to trial next month. But if he pleads out, he gets two years."
Jenny sat silent, shaking her head, sympathetic.
A suitable silence followed. "Well, " Beth finally said, "Jenny did you want to clear anything at all up, especially about Old Blue?"
"Well....not every time...but sometimes... especially after Darnell has already climaxed a couple of times, or when one of the ******* is knocking on the door...when I place that tenth and final parrot on Darnelle's tallywacker, Old Blue wobbles a little bit. That parrot has to flap his wings to stay on."
Beth said, "Let's catch up! I'll go first. My husband is a famous surgeon. He works on the rich and powerful. The Mayo Clinic and M.D. Anderson both send jets for him. We love to vacation in the Alps."
Jenny said "My, that's impressive! Well, I'll go second. My husband is a famous financier. The Fed Chairman calls him for advice. We like the Alps, too. But we are partial to Monaco."
Melissa sort of shifted. "Well, there is not much to tell. We run a pet shop in Bug Tussel, specializing in birds. I work as the Assistant Meat Manager at Piggly Wiggly to make ends meet. Last year we went to Dollywood, with our six *******-"
"Six *******?" Beth asked.. "Well, we use protection. But Darnell's sperm are persistent little buggers. And there is just so many of them! Anyway, we went to Dollywood and we planned to spend three days. But it started raining the second night. We were bunched up in the back of the pickup , and got soaked. So, we came back a day early."
Beth and Jenny gave each other long looks. Beth, the bossy one, leaned in. "Melissa, think. Surely there is something unusual about your life."
Melissa bit her lip and stared across the square. "Well, we used to get some looks, being the first black-white couple in Bug Tussell. But the fact that Darnell scored all those touchdowns for Ole Miss, especially those two that beat Bama, probably made it easier for folks to take that I was dating a big black guy. Plus, he is good with the birds, and we sell a lot of them."
Beth was undeterred. "Surely, surely there is something else you can tell us."
Melissa hesitated. "Well...when Darnell and I get ready to fool around, and he gets excited, you can place [Melissa cups her hands close together on the right and moves them to the left] 10 parrots on Darnell's tallywacker like this, which he calls Old Blue."
Jenny spit out part of her mimosa, catching the pants of the prissy waiter that was walking by, sort of off the ground, light in his loafers. Beth rolled her eyes.
Beth said, "Well, I am afraid I exaggerated. My husband is not a famous surgeon. He is though , a podiatrist. He accidentally lopped off the big toe of a state senator. He hopes to get his license back in a couple of years, but that is not certain. Lordy, I do not even know where the Alps are."
Melissa sighed. " My husband is not a famous financier. He was the credit manager of the local Sheet Metal Worker's Union. He has been indicted for fraud and goes to trial next month. But if he pleads out, he gets two years."
Jenny sat silent, shaking her head, sympathetic.
A suitable silence followed. "Well, " Beth finally said, "Jenny did you want to clear anything at all up, especially about Old Blue?"
"Well....not every time...but sometimes... especially after Darnell has already climaxed a couple of times, or when one of the ******* is knocking on the door...when I place that tenth and final parrot on Darnelle's tallywacker, Old Blue wobbles a little bit. That parrot has to flap his wings to stay on."
Last edited:
