Is it really about what you call it or is it more about who you want to go fucking with or not?
So you can put in context who I am and why I’m saying what I’m saying…
Been off and on in the lifestyle since about 2014. I barely knew of the word ‘cuck’ until I came to b2w last summer. I’ve played primarily with couples where the husband/bf either played along with (a mfm thing) or let her play alone when she wanted. I’ve dabbled in the group thing and, of course, there’s 1-on-1. I don’t consider myself a “bull.” I’m a black man who loves sex with white women under circumstances that suit all those involved. One time or ongoing – if the feeling is right then let’s do it. If it doesn’t, we move on. Not looking for lots of sessions just for fuck’s sake – only good, deep in the groin, mind blowing sex. If it’s not 1-on-1, I go through the husband/bf. Out of respect. And to determine what roles we are all considering playing. I have never been around or seen or considered humiliation or ‘clean up after’ on the part of either him or her. So with that…
We deal with a lot of ******* – not just bad ******* or good *******, just a lot of stuff: There are the hundreds or even thousands of daily interactions we have with people. We interact and react not only in person but from afar. (We have judgments and feelings about things we see and hear about abroad, right?) And we have so much in common, yet we’re all different, unique. We simply can’t keep up with or manage our lives based on dealing with all this interaction, reaction and people on a transaction-by-transaction basis with all the people we meet. So what do we do? We put people and those transactions in buckets, categories – and give them labels. That’s a much more efficient (just not effective) way to manage and deal with all this *******. We can make instantaneous decisions about how we feel about someone if there are only a limited number of ‘categories’ or labels to deal with versus millions of individual transactions and analyses. Of course, we all are capable of and in fact do vary from our initial ‘label reactions’ once we have more data about the person or situation. (“Oh, you’re married. Your type brings too many issues. Don’t want to play with you. Oh! You’re a really nice, put-together guy and you’re sexy, too. OK. Let’s fuck!”)
There’s also this concept about chemistry. Very often, we want to fuck or don’t want to fuck someone based on the chemistry. Chemistry can out trump labels and biases – good and bad.
And throw in diversity to this mix. We humans are not monolithic in our psychology, physical makeup, social mores or behavior. (Yeah, we don’t all look alike, have big dicks/little dicks, like the same dirty talk/no talk, etc., etc.) My god, what does that do to the categories and labels? You can almost go crazy coming up with the exceptions, acceptable/unacceptable variations, sub-categories, related subcategories, etc. Our labels get to look like the hundreds of branches on a tree. (“Well, it’s ok if they’re a cuck (branch), into humiliation (sub-branch) except if it involves physical abuse (sub-sub-branch) but verbal abuse is ok (sub-sub-sub branch) if it doesn’t go too far and it’s a Tuesday and the dog had puppies last week.” How do we keep track of all these branches and sub-branches? We give them labels, too! PROBLEM: Does my label cover the same things as your label? Exclude the same things as your label? How do we know if it does or not? When is the next sub-committee meeting on defining the labels?
Now, take a motherfucker like me and put me into this IR sex haven and throw in cuckolds, dom/submissive, stag/vixen and the agreements and disagreements as to what is and isn’t and I would have to have 12 scorecards just to figure out what door to go through to find some white pussy to fuck with!! I don’t do that. I take what is closer to a chemistry-like approach. I have my prejudices and preferences and let my feelings put me in a starting position. It’s easier not to give a ******* about the label on the door when I know damn well what’s inside is not likely to conform to what I think the label is in the first goddamn place. (Witness: this thread.) There are variations and interpretations and life experiences that filter and flavor what we think things are and that is almost a textbook definition of what causes inconsistency. We look at and consider the same damn thing and can have 4 different reactions to it. But as my friend Donna (Dblinsey) says – “whatever works for you that’s great.” Go with it. If I'm not the one, I’m a big boy and am capable of quietly (read: not being judgmental!) packing up my marbles and going elsewhere. We’re all primarily trying to get a nutt, so let’s all go find what we want and don’t fuck with what we don’t. What difference does it make what the label or sign on the door says?
How do I know or deal with the differences? How do I find my nutt? Chemistry. How do you determine chemistry? Communication!! We talk, we read, we listen, we look. Mix it all together with prejudices and preferences and guess what? I’ve found, at least, that I dig some of the things with the ‘wrong labels’ and don’t want to go near ones I thought were cool. It all depends on the people I interact with and where they’re coming from. And holy fuck – I’ve found I have some ‘fetishes’ I didn’t realize I had…and others I thought were da bomb are more like firecrackers. All determined by whether I want to fall in fuck with them or not, which brings me back to chemistry.
I didn’t know much about a cuck from a fuck and never came across the term “Stag/Vixen” until last week but I put all this into my knowledge base and mix it with my understanding, prejudices, preferences and engage with all the good – and bad – people on this site and find exactly what I’m looking for and identify exactly who I’m staying away from. Labels are no more than keywords in an online search – they get you to the neighborhood but don’t direct you to the house you’re looking for. It’s a way to browse and the labels are what the labels are and aren’t worth spending a lot of energy arguing or getting upset about.
If I do or don’t want to be a part of a mfm thing or care whether he wants to just watch and take pics and video (and I consent) so he can watch and whack off later, why should I care if she’s a hot wife or a sub to his dom or a dominant cuckold or what the fuck?! Why would I go into an analysis as to whether he was acting like some kind of hot wife hubby last time, now he’s acting like some kind of cuck? If I like them I if there’s chemistry - Why should I care about anything except “let’s just get a room!!”
So you can put in context who I am and why I’m saying what I’m saying…
Been off and on in the lifestyle since about 2014. I barely knew of the word ‘cuck’ until I came to b2w last summer. I’ve played primarily with couples where the husband/bf either played along with (a mfm thing) or let her play alone when she wanted. I’ve dabbled in the group thing and, of course, there’s 1-on-1. I don’t consider myself a “bull.” I’m a black man who loves sex with white women under circumstances that suit all those involved. One time or ongoing – if the feeling is right then let’s do it. If it doesn’t, we move on. Not looking for lots of sessions just for fuck’s sake – only good, deep in the groin, mind blowing sex. If it’s not 1-on-1, I go through the husband/bf. Out of respect. And to determine what roles we are all considering playing. I have never been around or seen or considered humiliation or ‘clean up after’ on the part of either him or her. So with that…
We deal with a lot of ******* – not just bad ******* or good *******, just a lot of stuff: There are the hundreds or even thousands of daily interactions we have with people. We interact and react not only in person but from afar. (We have judgments and feelings about things we see and hear about abroad, right?) And we have so much in common, yet we’re all different, unique. We simply can’t keep up with or manage our lives based on dealing with all this interaction, reaction and people on a transaction-by-transaction basis with all the people we meet. So what do we do? We put people and those transactions in buckets, categories – and give them labels. That’s a much more efficient (just not effective) way to manage and deal with all this *******. We can make instantaneous decisions about how we feel about someone if there are only a limited number of ‘categories’ or labels to deal with versus millions of individual transactions and analyses. Of course, we all are capable of and in fact do vary from our initial ‘label reactions’ once we have more data about the person or situation. (“Oh, you’re married. Your type brings too many issues. Don’t want to play with you. Oh! You’re a really nice, put-together guy and you’re sexy, too. OK. Let’s fuck!”)
There’s also this concept about chemistry. Very often, we want to fuck or don’t want to fuck someone based on the chemistry. Chemistry can out trump labels and biases – good and bad.
And throw in diversity to this mix. We humans are not monolithic in our psychology, physical makeup, social mores or behavior. (Yeah, we don’t all look alike, have big dicks/little dicks, like the same dirty talk/no talk, etc., etc.) My god, what does that do to the categories and labels? You can almost go crazy coming up with the exceptions, acceptable/unacceptable variations, sub-categories, related subcategories, etc. Our labels get to look like the hundreds of branches on a tree. (“Well, it’s ok if they’re a cuck (branch), into humiliation (sub-branch) except if it involves physical abuse (sub-sub-branch) but verbal abuse is ok (sub-sub-sub branch) if it doesn’t go too far and it’s a Tuesday and the dog had puppies last week.” How do we keep track of all these branches and sub-branches? We give them labels, too! PROBLEM: Does my label cover the same things as your label? Exclude the same things as your label? How do we know if it does or not? When is the next sub-committee meeting on defining the labels?
Now, take a motherfucker like me and put me into this IR sex haven and throw in cuckolds, dom/submissive, stag/vixen and the agreements and disagreements as to what is and isn’t and I would have to have 12 scorecards just to figure out what door to go through to find some white pussy to fuck with!! I don’t do that. I take what is closer to a chemistry-like approach. I have my prejudices and preferences and let my feelings put me in a starting position. It’s easier not to give a ******* about the label on the door when I know damn well what’s inside is not likely to conform to what I think the label is in the first goddamn place. (Witness: this thread.) There are variations and interpretations and life experiences that filter and flavor what we think things are and that is almost a textbook definition of what causes inconsistency. We look at and consider the same damn thing and can have 4 different reactions to it. But as my friend Donna (Dblinsey) says – “whatever works for you that’s great.” Go with it. If I'm not the one, I’m a big boy and am capable of quietly (read: not being judgmental!) packing up my marbles and going elsewhere. We’re all primarily trying to get a nutt, so let’s all go find what we want and don’t fuck with what we don’t. What difference does it make what the label or sign on the door says?
How do I know or deal with the differences? How do I find my nutt? Chemistry. How do you determine chemistry? Communication!! We talk, we read, we listen, we look. Mix it all together with prejudices and preferences and guess what? I’ve found, at least, that I dig some of the things with the ‘wrong labels’ and don’t want to go near ones I thought were cool. It all depends on the people I interact with and where they’re coming from. And holy fuck – I’ve found I have some ‘fetishes’ I didn’t realize I had…and others I thought were da bomb are more like firecrackers. All determined by whether I want to fall in fuck with them or not, which brings me back to chemistry.
I didn’t know much about a cuck from a fuck and never came across the term “Stag/Vixen” until last week but I put all this into my knowledge base and mix it with my understanding, prejudices, preferences and engage with all the good – and bad – people on this site and find exactly what I’m looking for and identify exactly who I’m staying away from. Labels are no more than keywords in an online search – they get you to the neighborhood but don’t direct you to the house you’re looking for. It’s a way to browse and the labels are what the labels are and aren’t worth spending a lot of energy arguing or getting upset about.
If I do or don’t want to be a part of a mfm thing or care whether he wants to just watch and take pics and video (and I consent) so he can watch and whack off later, why should I care if she’s a hot wife or a sub to his dom or a dominant cuckold or what the fuck?! Why would I go into an analysis as to whether he was acting like some kind of hot wife hubby last time, now he’s acting like some kind of cuck? If I like them I if there’s chemistry - Why should I care about anything except “let’s just get a room!!”
