Request: Serious, genuine question looking for serious, genuine answers

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Mariposa blanca, Dec 29, 2013.

  1. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    Canada
    I'm curious...

    For those of you in an interracial primary relationship: have you had any negative feedback to being in an interracial relationship? And, if so, was it from strangers, or your inner circle? Your family, your partner's family? Friends, coworkers?

    I have never experienced first hand the struggles of a public IR relationship, but the current "guy in my life" has. Talking about it with him made me curious for the opinions of others.

    I think that, if I were single and bringing home a guy of a different race, my family would welcome him with open arms, as long as he was a good guy and was treating me well and making me happy. They wouldn't care if he was black, Latino, whatever.

    No BS fantasy responses, please. I'm looking for honest, first-hand experiences.
     
    GenSchol and bm_from_southjersey like this.
  2. MissKassie

    MissKassie Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Just from the few coworkers that I have. It isn't socially accepted around here and I got some nasty glares.
     
  3. jaxmax

    jaxmax New Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Kassie , you are a beautiful woman. If you were any closer (or even willing to travel), I could guarantee you to be mine.
     
  4. jaxmax

    jaxmax New Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Originally from FL, live in NC now. I've always dated white girls. I get mixed responses from it. A lot of black women and white men have problems with it. I've had girlfriends lose white guy friends over it, as well as my female black friends turn their backs on me. Its a huge turn off, and the greatest sign of ignorance an American can show. it just proved that we, as a Nation, aren't as socially developed as we pretend to be. Nevertheless, I crave the sight of my chocolate skin intertwined with the sexy sunlight of a white woman.

    So fuck who has something negative to say. Enjoy your life as yourself, because no matter what, you're the only one that can live it. So do so as you please.
     
    GenSchol and Mariposa blanca like this.
  5. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    Canada
    Very wise words, Jaxmax! Life is to be lived, and as long as we aren't wilfully hurting others, we should be free to live that life in a way that makes us happy and fulfilled.
     
  6. jaxmax

    jaxmax New Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Precisely. Take a look back on your life and compare it today. Imagine all the things you thought were wrong or harmful, that you didn't do because of someone else. Then realize how no one would have gotten hurt had you done it. I say, "Why wait for Friday, when everyday ends in Y"..
     
  7. Ann4BBC

    Ann4BBC Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    UK
    The only time I ever experienced anything like this was with my Dad when I was young girl. He made it quite clear i wasnt to bring a black boyfriend home. However I now live in Birmingham UK which is very multi racial. Most white families have now got black relatives or mixed race members of the family so I have not recieved any negative comments from the friends that are aware. In fact they have been excited for me and wanted to meet the guy I was seeing.
    The only negative comments I have had are similar to ones on here more concerning not using condoms and getting a tattoo but no negatives with the ethnicity of the guy.
     
  8. Memphis_girl

    Memphis_girl Active Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Female
    My family, friends and coworkers were/are very accepting and only care that I'm happy and that the guy I'm with is a good guy. There are many more interracial relationships than you could imagine in 21st century Memphis. That said, my last serious boyfriend's parents weren't too happy about him dating a white girl, and he had his own hang ups about it too, which is why were no longer together.
     
  9. bm_from_southjersey

    bm_from_southjersey Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Very good question, nice to see something serious on here and not the usual tripe, but then again, you are one of the small handful of people who pose thoughtful questions.

    I can honestly say, that I have never received any kind of negative feedback. Me and my wife, who is white and Jewish, have been married for 7 years and together for almost 13 years. It has never been an issue for my family, my oldest brother married a Korean woman when he was in the Army and stationed in Korea, and two of my male cousins have married white women. My wife's family has no issues either, my mother-in-law likes to call me the son she never had. My wife's grandmother didn't approve of interracial dating, but we kept it a secret from her and didn't get married until she had passed away. I think for my wife's family, that fact that I love her and treat her well matters more than my skin color or religion.

    That I married a white woman came as no surprise to my friends. I went to Catholic School from kindergarten through 12th grade, and I was usually the only black kid or one of a very small handful of black kids in my class or school. Almost all of my friends are white and none of them have a problem with me and my wife.

    There have been instances when we have been in public and my wife has told me that some people have stared, usually older white or black women, but those have been few and far between, and I don't look at that as instances of racism or an indictment of our culture. Everybody doesn't approve of interracial relationships, I get that, I just don't let it bother me.
     
    GenSchol likes this.
  10. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    Canada
    Thanks so much for your reply. It's nice that you've had a pretty positive time of it, overall. :)
     
  11. Mr.804

    Mr.804 Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Well I was interracial married for 5 yrs at a time when it was really accepted. This was in 91. Some of the things I have experienced r unbelievable. I wish it was jus nasty stares. It's gud to see things have changed, but at the same time, there is lots of room for improvement. As long as a person treats u rite, that's all that should matter
     
  12. intoxicating-j

    intoxicating-j Active Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    When I lived back the UK we had few instances of random people passing negetive comments about our relationship. I will always remember my husband holding me back after having some white guys yell "Go get one of your own kind ya darkie!" at him from across a busy city street. Then my step grandmother was severely verbally abusive when I announced we were expecting. She told me I should have an abortion as "you don't know what colour IT will turn out! It will bring shame on your family."

    Not surprisingly, I moved overseas to where his family lived and to a far more multicultural place to raise our children.
    I could not be happier with my decision to do so, but even all these later and in a very multicultiral area, I am still having to deal with the odd racial comments made towards my children from other kids. It is ridiculous in this day and age.
     
    GenSchol likes this.
  13. GenS

    GenS Guest

    Great topic and all good responses. I think Jaxmax is in my head. American pretends to be a socially developed country but yet we can't get past a physical characteristic, hate to be technical, but the correct term should be interethnic if that even exists as a word LOL. I am from the Dirty South and I have predominately dated mostly European Caucasians what Americans call "white". I am a successful well to do male in a great career, but yet I still get the comments mostly from other African Americans(especially older ones) called blacks in America "why can't you get a good black woman?" or "white people taking all our good men away". My repsonse then is "I date someone of the race as me, don't you? I highly dislike ignorant people. Knowledge is power. We are members of the same race called humans however for me personally there is something super attractive when dark skin meets light (pink) skin so sexxxy. Its all about the person being comfortable with what they like. Disregard the haters, cause they gone hate.
     
    Ann4BBC likes this.
  14. jazzmo

    jazzmo Active Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I really wish people would not take shots at this country all of the time. There is no greater country and the problems that we do have come from individuals and the way the choose to think or act.

    America was founded on unique ideals and we are not pretending anything. Man is not perfect and never will be but the ideals and goals of what America stands for is what we are striving for everyday. The great country of freedom and equality is what we want to be and we damn closer than anyplace else I can think of. Sometimes we fall short of our ideals, that does not mean America is a bad place or is pretending anything. It is certain people that have the shortcomings.
     
    bm_from_southjersey likes this.
  15. Ann4BBC

    Ann4BBC Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    UK
    Nicely put, im British and proud to be so but we have a lot fewer freedoms here than you in the USA. We have so many laws against saying things its untrue. I watched a US programme some years ago about people marching in a US street with swastika flags and armbands, and this was allowed. As much as most of us find that unpleasant, the fact you are allowed to is amazing. In UK marches and demonstrations can be banned at the drop of a hat. And if you wear the same clothes on the march that can be classed as 'uniform' and be arrested. We have CCTV on every corner and laws about everything. You should be very proud of your freedoms over there!
     
    bm_from_southjersey likes this.
  16. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Folks, let's all take a serious step out of the Twilight Zone and into the world of "reality" for a second. When you're married (regardless of race), all this type of activity takes on a much more serious side that married people can't ignore. My wife and I haven't experienced a relationship with a black man as of yet (within the context of this site) but we've done some swinging (3-somes and couple swaps) in our past. In general, married people risk a lot by going public with these type of activities ... doing them with a black man just draws way, way too much attention, and for married white folks, we shouldn't expect the feedback to be positive.
    1. we're married ... we shouldn't even be with anyone else, period, but to be with someone else in "public" and of a different race? yeah, right!
    2. we have families ... children, parents, siblings, etc that are not into this lifestyle, and would feel embarrassed
    3. we have salaried jobs ... some companies tend to feel that our private lives reflect upon their company image
    4. we have kids ... 'nough said there, if you have young children, you have no clue how something like this affects kids psychologically
    Maybe a hundred or so years, in the future, it might be ok for a married, white woman to go around in public holding the hand of a single, black man, but it damn well isn't today. Nowhere in the USA, to my knowledge, is it ok for a married woman to run around with a single, black man ... NOWHERE! Maybe the black man gets a big ego boost by walking around with a married white woman ... makes a big "statement" or something for him, but for us white folks, its the worse thing we could possibly do. If you do this stuff, its strongly suggested that you ... KEEP IT TO YOURSELVES!
    pic_twocentsWorth2.jpg Mac ;)
     
  17. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    Canada
    You make very good points, Mac, but I was mainly curious about the kind of reaction those in a PRIMARY interracial relationship have experienced, not those married folks who are having extramarital interracial experiences.
     
  18. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Oh, sorry ... its "early" here ... Mac
     
  19. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    Canada
    Lol. I hear you. I'm on my 2nd coffee, but still foggy. Haha
     
  20. GenS

    GenS Guest

    Respectfully not taking shots at America, but having traveled literally all over the world for my job. From MY personal experience I have gotten the most heat in my own country aka US of A. The best treatment I have recieved as far as interracial dating goes was in the UK. :) Now unfortunately a few bad apples can ruin the whole bunch not to say the bunch is bad though. Once again this all of from MY personal experiences, some have had different experiences and I respect that.