Racism in the bedroom, by The Guardian

[MonicaV]

right on - right on my brotha you said a lot but you laid it out straight and perfectly. Except these brothas are not Gladiators in no comparison as they can't even put up a small fight to challenge the BBC misnomer. Nah they act more like the cowardly lion from Oz and are plain chattel willingly taking on the name their "Roman" masters give them and volutarily upholding the system of sexual serfdom. You and I so far are the only Spartacuses trying to lead the slave revolt and calling them to wake up to take their minds, and self-worth back. Even if I was the lone voice in the wilderness I'd stand my ground until my voice would be lost speaking on this issue.

It's not necessary to be a psychologist to realise that the origin of my sexually submissive side is an strict and dominant *******. Being led by a strong male figure makes me feel safe and desired, and it's a stress relief for my professional life. When I tried to create a cuckold relation with my ex husband, I felt my sexual desire towards him decreased as I took control of the situation and he stripped of his manhood.

For a similar reason I don't feel really attracted to a black man who accept the role of a mere fucking machine for the enjoyment of a white marriage. I have talked with many black men that are convinced they hold the power in those situations. And yes, they are probably in control of everything that happens in the bedroom, but it is the white marriage who decides who enters in that bedroom and when, and the rules of that game.

Maybe the patriarchal ideology makes some men believe that, as the man 'fucks' while the woman is 'fucked', they are 'using' those white wives and not 'being used'... Power is ultimately based on desire. Someone has as much power over you as much great your desire is towards him. And the desire of many black men towards white pussy is too great to be in charge.

At the beginning of my relationship with my black Dom, when I was still married, I expressed my concerns to him about cheating my husband. My Dom just said that he understood it. Two weeks later, he picked me up in his car. During the trip from the gym back to my home I confessed that I wanted to sleep with him again. Then, he stopped in a dark parking area and ordered me to beg for it and suck his cock. While I was blowing him I could feel the blush on my cheeks burning. Although it was just a kinky game, it was his way of showing me who was in charge.

 

[MonicaV]

I'm of the conclusion that everyone makes a conscious choice of How they want to be represented, and what they are comfortable with. Sure, I've chastised plenty of White people on here - from You, to Samantha P, to others who I FELT displayed egregious cultural insensitivity.

We have a saying in Black Culture (you might wanna write this down in your Learning Black Folk notes lol) - the saying is ACT LIKE YOU BEEN SOMEWHERE.

Social norms are unwritten rules about how to behave. They provide us with an expected idea of how to act in a particular social group or subculture. Most of our everyday activity to be the acting out of socially defined roles (mom, teacher, slut). Each role includes rights, duties, expectations and behaviors that a person has to face and fulfill. As we constantly move from one role to another, our behavior changes accordingly.

At the same time, we consciously and deliberately choose a character as an 'identity'. We express this wannabe self with our way of speaking, dressing and our visual appereance. For me the theatre is a good metaphor of this game.

In the sexual realm, I love to adopt a role based on the stereotype of 'white slut'. A sexy appearance to show the irony of a brainy submissive blonde. It was a way to show my expectations when I started in this lifestyle. However, I only show this facet at the right moments with a man of my choice. When I'm into the 'white slut role'. Of course, these subtleties is beyond the comprehension of most people.

Regarding my egregious cultural insensitivity... there's nothing more pathetic than a male feminist ally, a contrived man who pretends to be sensitive to female problems by repeating women's complaints. I do not pretend to fall into the same mistakes. I love black men and I love to be fucked by them. And I love being chastised by someone like you.

 

[mywayintermsofsex]

@bigblackbull76 says it very well. Some people need to wise-up about their self-image and their image of others within this lifestyle community in order to prevent harm for themselves and others as well as the whole community.

Personally, i refuse to sexually play with anyone who doesn`t realize that any adult lifestyle needs to be based on mutual respect and consensus between all the participants, and has to be in accordance with common cortesy and the law. Zero tolerance for racism or sexism here!

Of course that renders true for outside the adult lifestyles and in everyday life too.

 

[mywayintermsofsex]

(...) I don't feel really attracted to a black man who accept the role of a mere fucking machine for the enjoyment of a white marriage. I have talked with many black men that are convinced they hold the power in those situations. And yes, they are probably in control of everything that happens in the bedroom, but it is the white marriage who decides who enters in that bedroom and when, and the rules of that game.

Maybe the patriarchal ideology makes some men believe that, as the man 'fucks' while the woman is 'fucked', they are 'using' those white wives and not 'being used'... Power is ultimately based on desire. Someone has as much power over you as much great your desire is towards him. And the desire of many black men towards white pussy is too great to be in charge. (...)

It is merely a question of perspective. Ideally attraction is mutual and everyone is using the other just as much as they are being used. However it is not misuse, if there is respect and everyone has the opportunity to bring something in.

To have some ground rules defined is not a bad thing but a question of sanity. BTW it`s not something someone can impose on the other, but they are rather consensually agreed upon by everyone involved.

Who takes on a dominant or submissive role inside (and perhaps outside) the bedroom is a whole different story and not in contradiction to what i say above.

At the beginning of my relationship with my black Dom, when I was still married, I expressed my concerns to him about cheating my husband. My Dom just said that he understood it. Two weeks later, he picked me up in his car. During the trip from the gym back to my home I confessed that I wanted to sleep with him again. Then, he stopped in a dark parking area and ordered me to beg for it and suck his cock. While I was blowing him I could feel the blush on my cheeks burning. Although it was just a kinky game, it was his way of showing me who was in charge.

Obviously your personal desire does not involve a white husband in your sexual play which may be a reason why your own sexuality and personal situation evolved the way it did. Yet it is worth noticing that other people (women, men, both black and non-black) may have a desire for a different dynamic.

The question of who is in charge is a matter of the roles people take on and how they perceive them. In your example story the guy you are referring to as your "Dom" was in charge because he "ordered" you "to beg for it". At the same time you were in charge because it was dependent on your decision to do so or not (which you had already decided on at the time you mentioned you "wanted to sleep with him again", BTW).

i am thankful for your story as it is a good example of what a real Dom is about as opposed to what some people mistakenly believe. A Dom is not a despot who forces his/her sub(s) to do whatever he/she (the Dom) wants them to do. A real Dom is a leader who knows how to guide his/her sub(s) along a sometimes awkward path they (the sub) had already wanted to follow, either consciously or unconsciously, or they (the sub) had been too afraid of following through of their own accord without the Dom`s leadership.

ImO this discussion fits the thread as it shows how important respect is, even or especially in a Dom/sub relationship. A real Dom has interest in his/her sub(s)` desires and will always respect their true boundaries. On the flipside a sub needs to trust her/his Dom, and perhaps we agree that trust can only exist toward a respectable person.

@MonicaV: Thank you for your thoughtful input.

 

[MonicaV]

It is merely a question of perspective. Ideally attraction is mutual and everyone is using the other just as much as they are being used. However it is not misuse, if there is respect and everyone has the opportunity to bring something in.

My last message was not a metaphysical reflection about the meaning of 'using' a person or 'being used' by other. Perfect human interactions are those in which both parties get a benefit. My comments were about the objectification of black males in this lifestyle and the delusional sense that they 'control' or 'dominate' their white sex partners, when very often they are not even considered as 'partners'.

Of course, any sex encounter has to be consensual, and must be fulfilling for all the persons involved even in those acts that many people could find degrading. BDSM relationships are based on satisfying the submissive or masochistic nature of one part and the sadistic or dominant side of the other, within an power exchange in which both psychological needs complement each other. However, this is not the same as someone accepting a type of relationship that is far from what he considers ideal, just because it is the only way to have sexual access to another type of person.

Hearing or reading some white women or couples talking about their bulls, I had the same impression than the very few times I have heard men refering to prostitutes. This dehumanizing nature of disposable dark meat is totally incompatible with being a Dom, no matter how hard he fucks her during the sex meeting.

A final issue. Interracial cuckoldry is a fantasy for many men that find disturbingly exciting watching their wives having sex with other men, especially if they are strong built, dominant, black and well-endowed, because the feeling they cannot compete increases the humiliation (I guess). However, there are much more black men desiring to have sex with married white women, and white men willing to see their couples having sex with others, than white women actively seeking this triangle. Yes, most of women are sexually submissive and are attracted to self confident and dominant men, but not all women find exciting to humiliate their husbands or include them into the sexual encounters with their lovers.

Many practices and situations of this lifestyle have being conceived by white guys who have convinced their gives to go black and cuckold them, or are concessions of wives and bulls to the cuckold (who hold much more power that it is commonly pretended), or are common places in the interracial porn. And these situations don't usually include other man being a 'true leader' or a strong influence to the wife, but a mere complement for their sexual life that does not challenge the relationship.

If we are going to talk about these issues, we must leave aside that idyllic narrative and focus on these real dynamics keeping the feet on the ground.

 

[mywayintermsofsex]

@MonicaV: i get that your statement is with regard to the thread title/topic and therefore relates to arrangements made by some people with a particular mindset. i admit that my statement in contrast was a more general one with an adult lifestyle in mind that is safe, sane and consensual. i don`t think it is an "idyllic narrative" though but rather the setting of choice for many adults who play in a sexual lifestyle.
You are right when you say that some people - knowingly or not - leave that field by taking advantage of someone else and/or letting someone else take advantage of them for the mere fact of "getting layed", judging from some of the statements one can read on this and other lifestyle sites. And pointing that out for the people in question in order to maybe make them think twice and more thoughtful/conscious decisions is a noble gesture. Let`s see how they take it...

 

[Kitty Fache]

oh my, the deep philosophical and psychiatric aspects of the issue! Why not just suck submit and Black Cock?

 

[shrouded]

One phrase I read a while ago, sums up the BBC lifestyle for white couples and white women who fuck but don't date black guys; "out of their cotton fields and into their bedrooms."

 

[hotie]

i think this site is based on racism for bbc only because when you want to upload pic n video then there a category came about black guy only, why not any other race and all those girls, wife or black guys who says bbc onlY AND BLACK NEW WORLD ORDER, AND AFRICAN RELATED GUYS ARE SUPERIOR {SUPERIORITY COMES FROM BRAIN NOT DICK AS WE HUMAN ARE SUPERIOR FROM ANIMALS BECZ OF WELL DEVELOPED BRAIN ,it is also racism.
[THEN Albert Einstein is superior than any one of us i dont think he had big dick }
{sexual racism and sexual preferance is different thing} and if you guys serious about all those great word by GANDHI,ARETHA, ETC THEN COMPLAIN THIS SITE TO INCLUDE ALL TYPE OF CATEGORY AND RACES and SUPPORT ALL IR RACE PORN TO TO CHANGE THE WORLD AND FOR THAT BBC ADDICTED PEOPLE HAVE TO SACRIFICE THERE DESIRE FOR EQUALITY IF NOT THEN DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS TOPIC BECZ YOU ARE NOT GIVING JUSTICE TO THIS TOPIC . and this site remove my reply in a post because i show n talk about truth n some people could not digest it, DEFINATION OF RACISM- prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.

as a girl we feel sub. in front of any guy who have taller hieght,muscular guy, size of body, attitude{its biological } but not racism
SORRY FOR MY ENGLISH

 

[pauljohn]

I think everyone is different. For me, I love to be called the N word, dirty N, black cock, black bull and all that when I am doing a white woman: it turns me on. But when we done and I am in society I expect people to treat me like everyone else: fairness , judge me by my character.

 

[shrouded]

I think everyone is different. For me, I love to be called the N word, dirty N, black cock, black bull and all that when I am doing a white woman: it turns me on. But when we done and I am in society I expect people to treat me like everyone else: fairness , judge me by my character.

That's fine, but the topic here is about the hypocrisy of people who want to see and use you as a tool for their sexual gratification, while denying their complicity in your objectification. There are some very contrived opinions about why it's acceptable or why they are not guilty of the accusation. But ultimately it is damaging to your standing in society. Your identity as nothing more than a BBC, as propagated by porn but also popular culture, through nudge-nudge, wink-wink comedy, reduces your opportunities to taken as a serious proposition in many arenas. It is also not just about you, but your gender and race. Other black males must deal with the consequences of a society that pushes and perpetuates the belief that ALL black men are Mandingo sized sexual savages, when they aren't. If you acknowledge social responsibility, then supporting the BBC lifestyle brings about several disturbing contradictions. The fetish is largely supported by white people who are titillated by the extreme superficiality of the Mandingo stereotype but have probably never even considered that it may be damaging.

There is a woefully naive belief that the fetish will become mainstream allowing more acceptance. The opposite will happen, large scale condemnation, not least by black communities and civil rights groups who will be understandably outraged at the power imbalance of the "movement". White people exploiting black males for their physical attributes is a topic that does not look good.
The white feminists among the movement will give yet another reason for black feminist to despise them for their glaring hypocrisy and claims of solidity with black males because they too feel objectified as privileged white feminists, will be met about as well as Lena Dunham a metoo rally.

 

[StanleyCush1]

What happens when the heart slows its pounding, The cum has freely flowed out and the world off horny bliss has turned more toward life and responcability. Cuckold , wife and black man how do you feel about each other now? Good sexual interlude is exciting and satisfying. The world still says White woman, don't you dare love that black man, cuckold your disgusting, black man your superior, not we don't want you to invade our daily lives. Racism in the bedroom? DEFINATION OF RACISM- prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior. "out of their cotton fields and into their bedrooms." Racism involved, of course! Any reverse racism going on? Sure but that is nothing new. African American!!! Who came up with that one. To call each other black man, Slut and Worthless Sissy, oh that is okay, In the bedroom. Real life of both a man of black color as a whole, and a woman of white color also as a whole. Appear to me not to like each other outside of the physical sexual fulfillment. I am the center point of a world of almost 8 billion people. I really am thus every one else is inferior to me. There is a problem with that fact. We are all the center point of existence. When I go top bed at night and fall asleep, the world as I know it ends, until I awake again. Racism, a strange word and an insult to everyone's existence. There is racism in every bedroom.