Questions from a wife needing guidance or advice

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by more4meNcuck, Oct 22, 2014.

  1. more4meNcuck

    more4meNcuck New Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    I would like to apologize in advance if this post is rather long or going in several different directions, but I have so many questions for the BBC's, the husbands, and the wives. Any insight/suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Background - I am the wife of a wonderful man. He is by no means small, a bit above average size from my experience. He is very sexual and younger than me.. We have been married a bit over 6 year but have known each other a lot longer and we are pretty good about communicating with each other. He began talking to me about his fetish before we were married. We started with role play, talking about it, looking at different sites, watching porn.

    First attempt - with a friend of mine. Needless to say he was much smaller than my husband, while he was very attentive and I did cum, it was not the best first experience. Seeing the excitement from my husband during all of this sent me over the top, but after the fact the feelings I had, guilt, depression, feeling as though I had cheated on him, but he was right there and very happy that it happened.

    We took a break from it but decided to attempt again later with another man. I explained to the man I was with that my husband was aware of what was going on, and was ok with it. He questioned it and had a hard time wrapping his head around how a husband could be ok with it, but still wanted to have sex. Husband was not present but did know what was going on the entire time. Afterwards the gentleman, asked that I not tell my husband that anything happened. I'm sorry, I will not lie to my husband because he did not want him to know about it. Thus strike 2.

    So on to all my questions/concerns:

    1. I know my husband loves the thought of me being with another man, watching me with another man, and the thought of being a cuckold, he has never shown any type of jealousy and he has asked me if I could humiliate him if it happens again. I can't find that in me, I love and respect this man, and the thought of humiliating him, hurts me. I realize cleaning up a cream pie could be seen as an act of humiliation, and I'm ok with this, but I cannot even fathom any type of verbal abuse. Wives or Husbands, please help me understand this part of it, how can I verbally abuse, aka humiliate a man that I love with every breath I take?

    2. If we attempt this again, how can I get rid of these feelings of guilt/shame/depression? Is this normal? Granted, I'm not a young chicken anymore, and my upbringing was sheltered and strict, but I am not against trying new things sexually, so why do I feel this way?

    3. Insecurities about my looks. Being in my late 40's I feel like I'm overweight, maybe a BBW, maybe just curvy. Are there any men out there that would be interested, seeing all these images of younger, fit, beautiful women? I really don't want to feel humilated if I put it all out there, and this is a fear of mine.
    Rejection sucks for anyone, and I just don't want to feel rejection on top of all the other intense feelings.

    If I'm open to trying, have tried and still willing to try again, is it possible to get over these feelings, these insecurities? If I told my husband, No - I don't want to try anymore, he would respect that, but while he wants my happiness, I also want his so there has to be a middle for us to meet at. We're going slow this time, I told him we jumped right in before without thinking of the after affects, this time I want us to go slow, with eyes wide open.
     
    Asmodeaus80, Torpedo and wit like this.
  2. bm_from_southjersey

    bm_from_southjersey Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    Thanks for your post. I am by no means the authoritative voice on all things sexual, but I will attempt to answer your questions/concerns.

    1. Personally, I don't go in for the humiliation, though others revel in it. Your feelings are normal. Talk to your husband about it and tell him how you are feeling. He may not have ever thought that you humiliating him would be something that you have a problem with, because from the way it looks, this is his fantasy and is for his arousal. Perhaps the two of you can reach an agreement - maybe for him just having you describe what took place between you and another man and the pleasure you derived from it will be humiliation enough.

    2. The guilt and other feelings are normal, and this too is something that you should discuss with your husband.if this lifestyle, or certain aspects therein, make you uncomfortable, then he should be willing to accommodate your needs, since by doing this you are indulging his fantasy. When couples decide to branch out, it has to be both partners as equals in the decision making. For you to feel completely comfortable, if you are ever to feel comfortable doing this, you have to take ownership of it. It can't be that you are doing it for himto fulfill his fantasies, it has to be because you want to do it, and you are doing it of your own volition. If you can never reach that point of ownership and acceptance then you likely never will.

    3. Rest assured, not all men want to fuck women who are barely legal or sorority girls with Barbie Doll proportions. Rather than worrying about what men think of your body, make sure you are comfortable in your own skin. Others can't love you if you don't love yourself.

    I hope my words help you in your journey...
     
  3. TexasCuck214

    TexasCuck214 Active Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Country:
    US
    suspicious
     
  4. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I, too don't enjoy humiliating others, or being humiliated for that matter. When bringing an additional person(s) into an intimate relationship it is imperative that everyone be on the same page. If this is going to work both of you must communicate openly and honestly about expectations and limits.

    You have entered a non traditional aspect of your life and marriage. You are doing things that you have been told are wrong. It is natural to feel some trepidation. Your body is yours. I firmly feel that you are entitled to do with it what you will. You have your spouses consent and agreement to seek pleasure outside of you marriage so there is really nothing you need to feel guilt/shame or depression over. As you expand your horizons things should get easier. Take your time and be patient, it is obvious that you are more interested in quality than quantity.

    I prefer women over 40 for a number of reasons. The main reason is the maturity of mind and body. You know what you have and how to use it. I am past the point in my life where I want to be a teacher. I much prefer a woman that can share pleasure instead of just expecting to receive it. I think you will find this attitude relatively common with mature men.

    I would recommend a swingers club if there is one in your area. It's a great way to meet people with similar interests and "window shopping" is always fun. You will also quickly realize that most people are not built like models and things have changed for all of us since we were 18 YO.
     
  5. more4meNcuck

    more4meNcuck New Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Thank you for the replies, all of you. Sorry to those that are suspicious but this is not exactly something I can talk to friends about in casual conversation. Thus I am trying to reach out to those that are familiar with this lifestyle.
     
  6. Asmodeaus80

    Asmodeaus80 Active Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    I agree whole heartily with the real advice given here. This lifestyle can be amazing when done right which can be VERY different for one couple than another, or can be a nightmare if rushed and done poorly with out full trust and being completely honest with each other and your potential play mate. Be honest about what you want out of this. For me if my wife isn't having fun then neither am I. I take my roll in this very serious. It's my job to make sure she is comfortable, safe, and having fun. We both pick her play mate as it affects us both. Most good bulls/doms or experienced single males know that it is more than just about the wife. You are a couple.
    my wife and I don't get into the humiliation side of this lifestyle. We are each other's equal and to humiliate one would be to be other. There are lots that really enjoy it though. So if it is something he sexually needs then think of it as roll playing but first be honest with him about how you feel on it. He may see that it truly isnt worth the strain on you. Remember this is about enjoying life.
    You are taking the right steps talking is always good. This is your body your life your marriage all very important things and this is ad well. Finding the right play mate is very important unless you are into strangers which it doesn't sound like you are. My wife and go slow on purpose to see if the guy is serious and will ultimately respect her and our marriage even if at the time we say "to use her to have fun be in charge and control her".

    If you still have questions as I'm sure you will please ask that is why we are here. We are a community. And yes this is very natural. Humans have always shared partners modern society just likes to hide it. As it knows like any good DOM you control the sex you control the people.