New To This, Advice Appreciated



I'm 30 years old,
Male, mixed (half black/white),
About 7 inches fully erect,
Married for 5 years (wife is mixed too, but 75% white, most wouldn't know she was mixed),

Started watching cuckold porn,
Ended up quite obsessed.
Don't really watch anything else anymore.

Think it stems from a situation I had when 18.
My love interest at the time was on/off,
(She was popular and never made her mind up)
And one night,
She came round to the flat that I shared with a mutual friend.
Nothing unusual about it at all,
Except he had been trying it on as well,
And when I got back from work,
We watched a film as a three,
And then they proceeded to his room for the night,
Where I literally heard them at it all night.
I remember crying desperately the next day,
When they had both left,
And, that at some stage, mid-tears,
I began enjoying the pain.

I'd forgotten about it all until recently,
I stopped to think why I was so into this.

Anyhow, fast forward to 3 months ago,
My wife found my porn on my laptop,
Which I have to admit,
I think I had left (history not deleted) for her to find.
I knew she was looking for a while.

She has of course noticed the content is of one particular genre,
And when watching porn together (we do sometimes) she brought up the fact that she knows I like "that stuff."

I've been careful not to scare her,
Been very reassuring that I love her (I do)
Whilst being quite suggestive,
Explaining that I only want her to be fulfilled,
That she could do anything and I'd never leave,
Just as long as she was open and honest about it.

And she played along initially,
I think testing the waters.
She would try gauging my response,
Whispering things in my ear,
Like "does it turn you on to think about me sucking other men's cocks"
And I always respond:
Partly on impulse,
Partly to encourage.

I let her look at her favourite websites while we are fucking,
And it turns out that she has a couple.

One is a purely anal site,
She seems to be keen on the idea of being either: forced.. Loves the pillow over her face or being choked.. Which I do for her.. Or, the idea of being taken by two men, at the same time,
And encourages me during sex to "put something in my ass" etc, and also one tumblr site she really likes,
Which is literally an archive of beautiful looking members of all colours,

But I have noticed that she is coy when faced with the biggest, black ones,
And more open to attractive white males who are also very well hung.

Not sure if it's timid/shy side showing there,
But what really got me was when she went out for a drink with her girl friend,
And came back crying,
Very confused,
Saying her friend had told her it was a "slippery slope" and that I might be wanting either a hall pass of my own, or that I'm trying to get her to cheat so I can leave.
It's neither, I stressed.

And there were moments when,
In this 4 hour long conversation we ended up having,
That I actually felt her being suggestive.

She would say things like,
"I want to make you happy"
"It's not that I'm totally against the idea, most women would probably jump at the chance, but I'm scared of what might happen"


Since this conversation,
She's been very positive about exploring our sex lives more, and has said that while she's not necessarily up for actually "going through with anything with anyone else", she would entertain the idea of going to a bar,
With me,
And pretending that we were strangers,
That she would like to be chatted up by other men,
And then have me swing in and be the one she goes home with.

I've also said that I'd like to get her some toys,
And gave her a website where she could choose anything she wanted. Dildo, vibe, beads, balls, chains, anything she wanted.

As she knows I like going down on her so much recently, (very tied in to me with the whole fantasy) she chose a chin strap dildo, and a large, realistic dildo.. "Ken Ryker" which are in the post and arrive in 5 days.

I've done this to one,
Let her become cool with another cock in bed,
Especially a realistic looking one,
And am hoping that it rocks her world.
I'm not small,
But I know I'm not the biggest,
And while she says she loves it and is all she wants,
She has only been ejaculating for about 6 months,
(I know, I'm ashamed, really)
And every time it happens (maybe 4 times, ever) is basically (quite hard work) with my hands/fingers. I usually come before her (almost always) and as I've now seen her cum all over the bed in truly epic fashion,
I know she's keen to find out what lies beneath, if you will.

I think she knows deep down that I'm not thick enough girth wise, (barring the head),
And I'm hoping that the toys show her what she's been missing.

She's very excited about them arriving,
And has even asked if I'd like toys myself.
She's very coy in general,
But last night asked me if I'd ever thought about being pegged, or of I'd like her to get a strap on to use on me.

I'm not going to lie,
I've thought about it,
But for this reason: there was one time where she was on top of me, while I was lying on my chest,
And she was grinding on me from above.

I liked it,
I could see she seemed to like the power/control,
(She does in real life sometimes, too),
But I have resisted the urge to say yes,
Because she also asked me if I was going to "end up turning gay" on her,
Which isn't what I want.

It's difficult to explain to someone that doesn't understand the lifestyle/fantasy, so.. I'm here.

Perhaps to keep a diary of sorts,
Perhaps for advice,
Perhaps just to get some of it off my chest.

I would worship a cock that was 1) bigger than mine, and 2) visibly giving her something I couldn't, whether that be orally or otherwise,
But I don't associate with being gay.

I love her.
I wouldn't want to be with another woman.
I actually have no desire to sleep with anyone else.
Someone here must feel the same way..

I hope!

In an ideal world,
She'll be over the moon with the new toys,
And more at ease with another cock,
And can see what she's been missing.
I want her to have all the power,

So I'm happy to be denied,
Made to watch,
And almost hoping that at some stage soon,
she loses herself in the moment,
And does something like make me clean the toy.

I am incredibly turned on just thinking about the whole thing,

But desperate to make it all above board.
If I don't know about it,
It's going to make me uneasy about where it's going.
While we do communicate well,
She can be a secretive person,
And rarely expresses her true feelings about things unless it's necessary.
Truth be told, so was I before she found the porn,
But now she knows what's going on in my head,
And has seen me react in certain ways to things she's said,
There's almost no turning back.

Am I doing the right thing?
Do I need to do anything differently?

Appreciate you reading this far,
And thank you in advance for any advice or experiences of your own that might help.

I'll be back with an update shortly,
And will answer any questions that anyone might have to clarify anything I've missed out.

Happy New Year.


Real Person
Happy new year ... You guys must be open and honest before you cross the line. Nothing is guaranteed but at least both will know what the expections are. Some ladies are afraid to give into their IR desires, others might be afraid to be seen with a black man and some are afraid they will loose control and can't say no once they cross the line.