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Need Advice

I have had a fantasy of watching my cute little wife with a well hung black guy since we got together. She enjoys her big black vibrator, and we have some hot sex talk. She's not really into IR porn (or any porn for that matter) unless I really have her ramped up sexually first then she gets off on it (IR). She is well aware of my fantasy but to date has been opposed to doing it in real life. She hates the idea of me setting anything up and she doesn't think black guys would find her sexy (BS!). We have two kids so our free/play time is limited. We live in a very white community in the San Francisco Bay Area so we have little to no contact with black guys.

When her and I get away for a weekend she really relaxes and gets pretty wild, sexy/horny. But again she's totally against a set up, and I have been unable to get a black male to work with me to seduce her. During our last weekend away in Tiburon, I was using her black toy on her and told her I wish instead of the drunk girls and guy (all white) in the jacuzzi with us earlier I wish there was some hot black stud who was coming on to her. She said, "I don't think a black guy would come on to me." I assured her many would which got her hot. She then said, "would you like it if I sucked your cock while a big black guy fucked me?" The answer was obvious! When we were out at the pool in the late afternoon she got cold in her swimsuit so she went back to our room to change. She came back out with a tight (and thin/somewhat see through) pink top with no bra and short shorts with no panties. I started to finger her poolside but she got a little self conscious because another couple was out there and she said they were watching. Anyway it was a fun weekend where I wish I could have had a black guy there to assist me with my wife. For the record she is petite, 5'2" 114 pounds, great ass and tits 34C, brown hair and eyes.... 48 but in good shape and looks much younger.

Ok....sorry for the detour.... Last night my wife mentioned to me a concert coming up at Shoreline Amphitheater (we just saw Journey et. Al. There a few weeks ago) with Snoop Dogg, Warren G, Ice Cube and The Game. My wife is more Top 40 than I am, but I have some Snoop on my iPod. But this was unusual out of all the concerts coming up that she would mention this one. I immediately saw the possibilities so I said, "Hey that might be fun!" She was unsure because thought it would be an F-Bomb fest. I told her there might be more second hand pot smoke than our last concert which might upset her "straight laced" persona. Tongue in cheek she said, "yeah that's a concern, rrriiiiggghhhhtttt." So I started looking into it and listening to all the artists on YouTube ..... Surprisingly I liked most everything. But my big concern, and I'm sure it is for my wife as well, might we be the only white people there? How would we be received? If my wife starts flirting (or the black guys flirting with her) will black women in attendance get pissed, rude, and vocal or worse? My wife expressed some concern years ago about going to a predominantly black dance club because she feared black women would want to beat her ass.

So the advice I am looking for, is it too risky for a middle aged white couple to go to this concert to have a good time? Could it turn into a really bad experience? We're both pretty white bread/unhip style wise....what could we wear to blend in the best while not making (bigger?) fools of ourselves?

I honestly wish our area was more diverse because it would be easier to make friends with black guys and hook something up that way. I had a group of guys I was on a sports team with in a league for years and one of my teammates was a big black guy who was clearly a bull based on his email (bull in the name) and the stories he would tell about married white ladies propositioning him. But my wife met him briefly and it appeared she wasn't attracted to him, plus he had his wife and kid with him at the time. Lastly it was VERY likely hooking up with him would be common knowledge which was completely out of the question.

Sorry for the ramble. Appreciate some REAL advice here not fantasy "pink unicorns are real" stuff. Thanks.


Staff member
Real Person
Gold Member
1) you mention that she doesn't like the idea of being "set up", yet you, on a several occasions, be oan the fact that you don't have a couple of black friends that you could"set her up" with. it sounds like this scenario is all about what you want with little or no input from her. if she were to ever indulge your fantasy, it would have to be because SHE wants to do it, and because she feels empowered to do so.

2) if meeting black people in general, and black men in particular is that important, try having some of your social outings in areas that are less homogenous. i know zilch about bay area demographics, but aside from oakland, there has to be somewhere in marin or alamdeda county with a sizeable population of black people.

3) i've never been to a rap concert so i wouldn"t know how to dress, and even if i did, the two of you as white and middle aged are going to stand out regardless. hey, don't sweat it, i would have stood out at the journey concert you went to, but when you put a sugar cube in a bowl of raisins, it tends to stand out.

4) if your wife doesn't express any more interest, then this is probably one that is best kept in the memory file. if she shows genuine receptivity (and not you seeing things through rlse colored glasses) then tell her that if she ever gets the urge to explore, she has your permission.


Gold Member
I would drop any ideas you might have about setting her up. I got caught in a scenario like that a number of years ago. The guy assured me that his wife would like the "surprise". She didn't. When she realized why I was there she went ballistic. She started screaming that her husband had set her up to have so n----- rape her. Threatened to call the police. I promptly left. They ended up divorcing.

If you want to make a connection with someone for sex the most logical place to start is a swingers club or group. Everyone knows why people are there but nearly all place a very high value on respecting other people's limits and wishes. Discretion is a given. Most clubs have mixers a few times a years. You likely can meet someone that can point you in the direction of a good potential partner. If you aren't comfortable you are free to leave,
BM and Torpedo, appreciate the thoughtful responses. You guys are the real deal and I appreciate your time. I should clarify some things.

As far as "set ups" are concerned what is off the table are:
1) hooking her up with a guy on AFF or Craigslist.
2) hooking her up with a guy who expects her to fuck him.
3) putting her in an uncomfortable situation where I force her to "live out" my fantasy.

As background, my wife is a quiet, somewhat shy woman who doesn't have a lot of confidence. She was raised strict Catholic so she's not naturally slutty or sexually forward but she does have a wild/slutty side when in the right mood/environment. When guys, even friends of mine, joke around with her and smile at her she lights up and becomes more outgoing and even somewhat flirty. However, she doesn't think other guys really want to fuck her. Of course when you are shy, not looking for action on the side (even though your husband wants you to look for action) and you wear your wedding ring, you're not going to get many guys who will approach with lustful intent.

Years ago one very brazen black guy hit on my wife in front of me because she was dressed really sexy and I looked like Jonah Hill on a bad clothes/hair day. It made me instantly turned on. She clued in a little at the time and just smiled and blushed, when I later confirmed what the guy said and why he was saying it, she said it made her feel really sexy and desirable. We had some great sex after that.

So it's an ego thing. She doesn't have a lot of confidence. One time out at a club I had been dancing with my wife for some time and was hot and sweaty, I went to the bar to get us some drinks and came up beside the only black guy in the place (a single guy visiting from Jamaica) and I made a comment that my wife loves to dance and she was wearing me out. As I hoped he offered to dance with her and I said "sure" it got a little uncomfortable because she was absolutely convinced that I not only asked him to dance with her, but that I PAID him to do so, which was 100% wrong. She's a sexy little thing so I have no idea why she'd think I'd have to pay someone to do anything with her. On a cruise years ago a black guy approached her for sex and I had nothing to do with that. Her parents and our kids were on the trip also so that was a non starter.

Anyway, I want to put her in low stress situations where the connection is natural or at least seems natural to her so she can feel like the guy REALLY wants her and I didn't ask him to do so. She wants to feel desirable and sexy but she's concerned that guys are just playing along because I asked, begged or paid them to do so. Does that make sense? If there were more black guys around that I could naturally be friends with, she could spend more time around them comfortably, and the awkwardness factor would be reduced. As it stands we live in a very white area, her work isn't very diverse, nor is mine. Besides just because I would have black friends doesn't mean the guys are guaranteed to want to go for this arrangement.

Ideally, I'd love to meet a real cool, low key guy on here who loves fucking cute little white soccer moms, has the time and room in his life to make a new friend (me and eventually her), and has the patience and understanding that this could take time, and there are no guarantees but if/when it happens it would be mind blowing for all of us.

By the way we've been going to counseling for a while now (no serious issues just learning how to communicate better and meet each other's needs) and I shared my fantasy with the counselor. She was cool with it but said that women look at sex very differently and sometimes the women can get emotionally involved with the other man which can hurt the relationship and potentially kill it. Anyway, she asked me, "So if Tracy is indulging your fantasy but she's not enjoying herself..." I cut her off and said, much to her surprise, "I would hate that...the fantasy would die right there. My fantasy is watching her get off wildly, if she wasn't enjoying herself that would be miserable." She got a relieved and pretty big smile on her face like, "wow this guy really is all about his wife's pleasure." I say this to point out that yes, I have a selfish desire to make my hottest of fantasies come to life, but if she isn't into it, I'd get NO pleasure.

Swing clubs are totally out too.....it wouldn't be an "organic" natural attraction/connection in her book. We also don't get too many nights out with the kids and work. My wife would never initiate the pursuit of a black guy or any guy without my involvement because she's more of a submissive (and has an attraction to somewhat dominant guys), and she would see it as cheating. She viewed swinging with my knowledge and permission as cheating until I and our counselor convinced her otherwise.

By the way, Torpedo, I know you have little to do with white husbands in this whole deal and your ladies don't include their spouses at all in your activities, but damn your stories are hot. If you wrote a book I'd be first in line to buy it, like one of those tech nerds waiting for the newest iPhone release. When you talk about your experience with white wives who come to you to get what they're not getting elsewhere, good stuff. I know your not saying it for our entertainment but it definitely had that effect on me. So I can say ay inadvertently you are one of my favorite posters.

Mac is another one because we gave very similar views on this stuff. I also like BM because your are always mr reality check to much of the BS on here and you are a straight up guy, but sometimes I'd like to hear about what you like out of all this. What floats your boat in this whole deal? Thanks guys.

Need to remember how to post pictures on here so I can get some up of my wife (no fave pics though).
@Wife4Black77: As you already know, your wife has serious self-esteem issues, and it sounds like the counseling is intended to not only address marital issues but also her self-esteem. I hope that is making some headway.

Also, it sounds like she views having sex with others as cheating, even though you approve of it and the counselor agreed with you.

You also mentioned that when she dressed sexy and was approached by men, she got excited by it (unless she thought you set it up, which is part of the self-esteem problem).

My advice is as follows:

While it may be difficult, do everything you can to get her to dress sexy on a consistent basis, not just when she goes out, but also at home (dressing sexy at home, or even being nude at home will get her more accustomed to it). Get her to have a lot of girls nights out with her friends (making sure she dresses sexy, of course). The wedding ring, btw, will not stop any guy interested in fucking her from approaching her. In fact, in many cases, it even helps.

To further overcome the "cheating" viewpoint she has, make up a written contract that you draw up and sign and present it to her with a dozen of beautiful roses, and ask her to read it. The signed contract (obviously not a REAL legal contract) must state that 1) you are her loving husband and always will be her loving husband, no matter what 2) you want her to be sexually happy and pleased 3) you give your full approval for her to have sex with black men, and since you not only approve of it, you encourage it, you do not in any way regard it as cheating. You can add as many other points as you can think of, then have a line for your signature.

When you present it to her and she reads it, then you sign it. Have a line for her signature entitled "Acknowledged by."

While the above may not work, it also MAY work. The fact that you put it in writing may have an impact on her. However, no matter what, you must continually make her know that you love her through your actions.


Sweet & Cordial
Gold Member
Well, San Francisco is the mecca of liberalism and swing clubs. I suggest you locate a few of the upper scale clubs, attend their hospitality night and meet some people to establish friendships. Also, she should consider wearing some BBC jewelry or temp tattoos that send out the signals to the black guys saying she's a "player". That will make it easier for black guys to approach her. Another option would be to find a night club, let her sit at the bar, in her BBC jewelry and temp tattoos, and give some black guys the opportunity to buy her a drink ... trust me, she'll get approached. Petite in a hot, short skirt works for me ... gif_Yellowball-Flirting.gif Mac

ps ... if you need a link to the lifestyle clubs in SF or ideas on the jewelry & tattoos, let us know.
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Well, San Francisco is the mecca of liberalism and swing clubs. I suggest you locate a few of the upper scale clubs, attend their hospitality night and meet some people to establish friendships. Also, she should consider wearing some BBC jewelry or temp tattoos that send out the signals to the black guys saying she's a "player". That will make it easier for black guys to approach her. Another option would be to find a night club, let her sit at the bar, in her BBC jewelry and temp tattoos, and give some black guys the opportunity to buy her a drink ... trust me, she'll get approached. Petite in a hot, short skirt works for me ... View attachment 433045 Mac

ps ... if you need a link to the lifestyle clubs in SF or ideas on the jewelry & tattoos, let us know.
I'd be interested, I'm visiting SFO for work in a few days ^^