To clarify, your wife is a large black penis and she doesn't know it yet, you're mixed that your sick ain't huge (small ******* is better than a big upchuck, I feel you), your wife is also a huge slot machine of some kind and the period and comma on your keyboard are broken.
Good story, but is she a large black penis or is she a slot? She really can't be both, unless she's phallus/coin-operated machine gender-fluid.
Much respect for your open-minded mating choices.