Where do I begin? I mean, I have changed so much in the last month, at the core of who I am. I guess I will start at the beginning, almost a year ago. My hubby, Allen and I, were sharing one night about our desires and fantasies, what we would like to do to rekindle our passion. After being married for 12 years, we wanted to get back that spark, that being hot for each other. I shared mostly conventional things, like making love outdoors or in public. He shared his desire of being with me and another woman - the typical male fantasy, lol. He then asked me if I had any naughty fantasies, that it was okay to share, that he would love to hear. So, I confessed that I had always had a curiosity about being with a black man. That I had a roommate in college who dated black guys, and that at first, I had been somewhat repulsed. But, after talking with her (and hearing the sounds coming from her bedroom), I had become very curious. She had tried back then to set me up with a black guy, but I had a boyfriend. Plus, I was too conservative. But that is where the curiosity began. Allen asked me what was appealing to me about it, and I said just the taboo and also all the myths I had heard about the size. From that point on, Allen began to subtley keep this at the forefront of our conversations. He would remind me of it from time to time, like when we were watching a movie or a sporting event. He would ask if I thought this guy was attractive or handsome and sexy, and I would answer truthfully if I thought they were. He would also ask if I still thought about it from time to time, and I would say not alot, but sometimes the thought would come up. He asked if I regret not trying it when I was in college, and I said sometimes but I don't dwell on it. Afterall, there were alot of things in college I wished I would have done, not just that. Then one night, he brought home a porn movie for us to watch. We sent the kids to their grandparents, and we had the house to ourselves. It was a movie all about interracial sex, and I must admit, it really turned me on. I was mesmerized! Just the strength and stamina of these guys was amazing to me, and I wondered if that was the experience my college roommate had. It made me so aroused, and we had some really hot, sweaty, naughty sex. I remember Allen asking me during sex, if I would like to be with some of those guys. In the heat of the moment, I said yes, I would love to be taken and ravished by those guys. It was the passion and desire talking. Or so I thought. The next few days, Allen would remind me of that night, how much fun it was and how insatiable I became. Then, he confessed to me that it turns him on to think of me being with black men, and that he would love for me to do it. Needless to say, I was shocked! I couldn't believe he was serious, but the more we talked, the more convinced I became that he was. He said he would love to give me this gift, of being able to satisfy a long held curiosity. I offered up excuses - we are married, we have kids, moms and wives don't do things like this. But he said if it is something we agree to, who is to say what is right and wrong for us. It is our life and our marriage. But he said, ultimately, it was my decision. That this was all about me, and that if I wanted to, he would love to give me the freedom to experience a black man. I guess that is when I first began to seriously consider it. I went back and forth so much, from shock to desire. Could I really do something like this? Me, a wife and mom? What would it be like, what would it feel like? What if I enjoy it too much, how would Allen react? In other words, what if it was obvious that the sex was better than what he and I share? All of those questions. Then, Allen showed me a website - blacktowhite. It was all about interracial sex from people who do it. He encouraged me to check it out, that it might answer alot of my questions and ease some of my anxiety. So, I joined and began to surf through it. I thought it can't hurt. What really surprised me was the number of older women like myself - wives and moms - that actually have sex with black men regularly. And with their husbands consent and encouragement. I couldn't believe it. I read more and more, and I started to become more comfortable with the idea of it all. I posted some pics on there, and I was really surprised by all the comments and pm's I got. Mostly from black men. I can't tell you how incredible they made me feel, so sexy and desirable. It did wonders for my self esteem, and really built more desire in me for wanting to have sex with a black man. I would write with some of them, and carry on flirty, suggestive chats. I was really turned on by it all. And I was amazed that most of them were much younger, but yet had a desire for me, a 45 year old wife and mom. Then one day, I chatted with a guy, Mexi-man. He did photoshopped pictures of women with black men. So, after chatting, I sent him a few pics of me to have fun with. And that changed my life forever! That first pic he sent, of me with muscular, big, black men, made me instantly aroused. I soaked my panties just looking at it. It is one thing to chat and talk about it, but a whole other thing to see yourself with black men. At that point, it all changed for me. Gone was the anxiety and apprehension. It was replaced with desire and lust. I was just mesmerized by it all, especially the size of the cocks. I began to wonder how they would feel. I imagined them entering me, stretching me, touching places inside of me that have never been touched. I imagined them touching my cervix, and wondering if they might actually penetrate my cervix. I began looking daily for his emails and pics, hoping desperately to see more of me in those naughty scenes. I was constantly aroused, and I even masturbated looking at this pics. I was hooked. I also shared these pics with Allen, and his response was the same as mine. Instant arousal. He told me he would love to watch me with those bbc's, and see how I respond. I told him that was very erotic to me too, that I loved the idea of him watching me, holding my hand, kissing me while I had a bbc inside of me. Lots of dirty talk, and lots of passionate fucking. That's right - fucking. Mexi-man kept up his daily emails and pics, and even sent recorded messages to me. The messages had an effect too, because he began to tell me that I was not really a respectable. middle-aged wife and mom. On the contrary, I have the potential to be a real bbc wife and mom slut, a whore. I loved that dirty talk, and it just fueled my desire to even new heights! I began to realize he was right - I now have this very real need, the incurable need for a bbc. I know, in my heart of hearts, that once I experience my first one, their will never be any turning back. I will need a bbc from then on. That excites me, but also scares me too. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my family or marriage. But at the same time, I can't deny this passion and need. I wake up and go to sleep with bbc on my mind. And that leads to almost constant arousal on my part. And the thoughts - oh the dirty, filty thoughts. I imagine being taken by a group of black guys, right there in front of Allen. They just take turns with me and fuck me to a state of pleasure I have never experienced. As one cums in me, he is quickly replaced by another, who just keeps me at the constant state of orgasm. And once he cums, he is replaced by another. And the whole time, they are talking so filthy to me and to Allen. Telling me what a good fuck I am, how I was born to be a bbc whore. And they tell Allen to watch his former prim and proper wife, how I am cumming continuously from their fucking, how I will now and forever be a bbc wife and mom. Now, I think, how did I get to this point? How, in the span of just over a year, did I go from being a normal, everyday, wife and mom, to being consumed every minute with this lust and desire? I can see now that it was subtle steps. But what tipped the boat was Mexi-man. His pics, his messages, his consistency is what now has me planning to do this for real. I have given Allen the green light to set this up. And I feel certain he will as his desire is almost as strong as mine. It turns me on to think I will be around my friends, and have this "secret." It turns me on to think that by most appearances, I will still be Christy - Allen's wife and my kids' mom. But, given the right circumstance, I will spread my legs for black men, lots of black men, and enjoy the sex that only they can provide.