Is it cheating? or not?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Mariposa blanca, Mar 26, 2013.

?

cheating?

  1. yes

    5 vote(s)
    14.3%
  2. no

    30 vote(s)
    85.7%
  1. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    Canada
    Just curious on opinions here:

    If your husband/wife gives you his/her blessing to have sex with other people, without any repercussions, is it, in your opinion, still cheating? Does it make a difference if they know it's happening versus if they don't?

    My hubby and I have had this talk a few times, and, to us, it would only be cheating if I was doing something behind his back and trying to hide it from him. It took me a while before I could actually understand his way of thinking, but now I can see it. Not sure I can explain it, but I see it.

    How many of you feel the same way? How many say it's cheating, regardless.

    And just to be clear, I am asking out of curiosity, not asking for permission from anyone (other than my hubby).
     
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  2. bm_from_southjersey

    bm_from_southjersey Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    From a technical standpoint, it is cheating/adultery. From a semantics standpoint, if two people have an "arrangement" then I guess it would depend on the particulars of said arrangement.
     
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  3. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

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    Yep, technically, I give you that.
     
  4. Tammy'sCuck

    Tammy'sCuck Active Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    cheat
    [ cheet ]


    VERB
    cheat·ed past and past participle
    cheat·ing present participle
    cheats 3rd person present singular
    1. transitive verb deceive somebody: to deceive or mislead somebody, especially for personal advantage
    2. intransitive verb break rules to gain advantage: to break the rules in a game, examination, or contest, in an attempt to gain an unfair advantage
    3. intransitive verb be unfaithful: to have a sexual relationship with somebody other than a spouse or regular sexual partner
    4. transitive verb escape something: to avoid harm or injury by luck or cunning

    According to definition #3, it's cheating any time you have sex with somone outside a steady relationship. I prefer to define it for my relationship based on the 1st and 3rd definitions. The 3rd is based on common relationships as defined by society. An open marriage defies these conventions. By the standard definition a marriage is an exclusive sexual relationship. An open marriage is inclusive.

    I believe that every couple needs to define their own relationship. What is allowed and what is not should be based on each of the partners wants, needs, insecurities, etc. In other words, we make our own rules. If we make the rules and follow those rules, we're not cheating.

    If a couple has a rule that neither partner will masturbate while looking at porn but one of them does, that's cheating. If a couple decides that sex with other people is fine, then they're not cheating when they have sex with other people. Some couples are ok with other sex partners as long as they're all together, some allow their partners to go on dates or even vacations without each other.

    Communication is key. If you want something or are bothered by something, let your partner know about it. Negotiate changes to the rules, as needed, to make your relationship work. If you keep your rules clearly defined and follow them, you can both have a lot of fun and be happy with each other.

    My marriage started out very conventional with both of us only having sex with each other. I even threw out all my porno magazines because she wasn't comfortable with me looking at pictures of other women. almost 30 years later, she goes out with other guys by herself, we go to swing clubs together, she fucked a black guy in the back of my cab last night, and she helps hook me up with other women. Don't be afraid to let your relationship evolve.
     
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  5. blackmeat

    blackmeat Administrator; Where a woman cums FIRST! Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    In the U.S. (and I presume in most "civilized countries), the are spousal "rights", or spousal "privileges" that most couples do not realize that they have, but are one of the "benefits that come with marriage, a benefit because, within the marriage vows and that contract between a man and woman, whatever is agreed upon between the two of you, that is how you will behave.

    If the husband has an accident or develops a condition where he is not able to pleasure his wife, both will continue their love for each other: "in sickness and in health", "till death due us part". If the husband lovers his wife THAT much that he wants her to enjoy the pleasures of intimacy with other men "for HIS love (in light of his "lacking" ), for her", and she AGREES to this arrangement, this can be considered a
    "spousal agreement" or a "spousal privilege". Our society will not publicly announce that this agreement/privilege will exist or they will "package" it (or the subsequent actions), as an affair, (in popular television shows, for "dramatic value to get ratings and advertisers), but if spouses agree to this (BOTH man AND wife), then it is NOT cheating.

    Each bull and stallion must consider this as he is approached or will approach a couple to provide sexual intimacy with the wife (if she is married). If the wife approached you (Bull or stallion), THEN it is an affair or cheating (on the husband), by the wife, for her self-satisfaction without the approval of her husband.

    My "two cents".
     
  6. willsrvu

    willsrvu Administrator Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Mariposa: I agree with you.

    Tammy'sCuck: I agree with most of what you wrote except:
    3. intransitive verb be unfaithful: to have a sexual relationship with somebody other than a spouse or regular sexual partner

    One then needs to understand the meaning of unfaithful:
    un-faith-ful (ʌnˈfeɪθ fəl)
    adj.
    1. not faithful; false to duty, obligation, or promises; disloyal.
    2. not sexually faithful to a spouse or lover.
    3. not accurate or reliable; inexact: an unfaithful translation.

    Note the first point and then reconcile it with the second.
    How can one be sexually unfaithful to a spouse if, in fact, they are engaging in extramarital sex with their spouses blessing or even at their request? Is there a disloyalty? A broken promise? A failure to perform a duty or obligation?
    Obviously not, therefore 3 becomes moot as the agreement between the spouses cannot be in default if both are in agreement. If anything, had they vowed to "obey" and their spouse says go forth and fuck others, would they not then be adhering to their obligation and duty?

    Further, one must also consider what vows the couple made. If one or both omitted anything claiming to portend to being "faithful", no such agreement existed in the first place. The government has no requirement that married couples abstain from sex with others. This is more a religious concept and even then, not all religions actually include such a convent within the marriage vows.

    "Faithful" is more a concept, than a hard fast rule, which is why two people considering marriage need to really communicate and be sure they are on the same page and in total agreement as to what "faithful" means to them.
     
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  7. cuck in chastity

    cuck in chastity Active Member

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    The fundamental aspect of cheating is deception (at least in my view). When you remove that, there's no cheating. Can you cheat at a game of cards if everyone knows you're doing it? Not really. Cheating--whatever the guise or form--relies upon deception. Without it, I don't think being unfaithful to a spouse or lover is cheating.
     
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  8. Tammy'sCuck

    Tammy'sCuck Active Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
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    Tammy and I are planning to privately renew our vows in May, on our 3oth Anniversary. We plan to make them very clear and promise the things we really feel. This will include her promising to have sex often with other men, giving preferential treatment to hung black men, and to let many of them fill her with their cum.

    We will then celebrate in a motel room by having her gangbanged by about 6 black men, like I wish we had done on our wedding night, even though we had no idea, at the time that we would have enjoyed it.
     
  9. cum4play

    cum4play Active Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Pretty simple to me - this is a very healthy way to actually increase intimacy with your partner. Whether you play with or without your husband, I would recommend sharing the experience with him as this enables a bond that most couples never share. Every couple has some of these fantasies, but few actually make them a reality and doing so creates a very tight bond (again, as long as communication is open and things are not hidden and that means sharing everything). Just my female / wife perspective.
     
  10. dbishop

    dbishop New Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    I agree with your thoughts and options. I feel it brings the two of you closer. I have trouble get this idea throught to my wife.
     
  11. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    In an ideal world people would share all there experiences with their spouse. Some people just aren't going to get on board with their partner having sex with someone else. Problems arise when one or both persons sexual needs are not being met from within the relationship. If a person seeks to have have sex outside their marriage without their spouses knowledge or consent then that would be cheating. A lot of marriages have been destroyed because one or both partner were seeking sex outside the relationship.
     
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  12. Mariposa blanca

    Mariposa blanca Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
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    Ultimately, the most important thing in a marriage is COMMUNICATION. Without that, a marriage is doomed, whether there is sex outside it or not.
     
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  13. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Despite what the dictionary definitions may be I don't think that extramarital sex with your spouses knowledge and consent is cheating. In our culture marriage is a contractual obligation. Whether you are married in a religious or a civil ceremony you have agreed to certain term and conditions. If you violate that agreement without your spouses knowledge then you are cheating. However in the real world contracts can always be renegotiated. Whether is the business or the personal world things change and agreements need to change to accommodate the parties involved. So in my humble opinion if you are enjoying sex with someone other than your husband with your husband's knowledge and consent it is not cheating, it is merely a renegotiation of an existing agreement. There isn't any attempt to deprive or deceive the spouse.

    Another factor comes into play here. Nobody owns anybody else. This was settled about 150 years ago. Your body belongs to you. If you commit to relationship and your needs aren't met what are your options? You could dissolve the relationship and find someone that meets all your needs. Or you could find someone to supply what is lacking in the relationship. If it is done without your spouses knowledge it is cheating. But responsibly done I feel is a viable alternative. You should always be very selective about who you fuck, especially if you are not involving your spouse. Bringing home an STD is not good. Birth control is paramount. I know of a couple of marriages that ended because the female half ended up pregnant after the husband was surgically safe. Not a good thing.

    All of the women I have fucked over the past several years have been married and as far as I know they aren't involving their husbands. None has expressed any desire to terminate their marriage. They come to me and others bulls in the group to experience what they can't get at home. Is it cheating? I would say yes it is, but their bodies belong to them. They are filling needs that aren't being met at home. All of us get checked regularly and birth control is a high priority. I doubt that the unknowing husband is actually injured in any way.
     
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  14. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    Can't get much clearer than that! Absolutely true
     
  15. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Can't get much clearer than that! Absolutely true
     
  16. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

    Gender:
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    Country:
    US
    I believe that the definitions you read that are linking cheating to marriage infidelity are referring to the religious word, adultery, and to the church vows couples usually exchange during marriage ceremony. You might recall these words:
    "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in good times and bad, and to keep yourself only to him for so long as you both shall live?"
    Marriage vows are simply promises that each partner of a couple make to each other. So the references to cheating in a marriage are referring to those vows. Marriage vows, however, are constantly changing as society develops. In some countries it is common that couples write their own marriage vows. The word cuckold is basing its definition around the church, wedding vows.
    So, back to your original question, IF you took those wedding vows, and had a sexual relationship with another man, you would be violating those wedding vows, and thus be cheating.
    However, I agree with most posts here; outside of the marriage vows, if you have an "agreed upon arrangement" with your spouse, where you can be sexually involved with other men, it would NOT be considered cheating.
    Interestingly, if you go back in history, you find that marital cheating often applied to the woman, but not to the man. It was expected and desired that men spread their "seeds of life" across the world. Personally, I always liked that idea. :)
     
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  17. CuckoldCouple

    CuckoldCouple Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    "It's not cheating if my husband watches."
     
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  18. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    Canada
    You have his blessing & no one is hiding what they're doing, so it's not cheating. You've outlined some rules & as long as you operate with those boundaries, you are not cheating. Don't get into technicalities & all that crap, clearly he trusts you & you are not doing anything wrong in his eyes. You lucky girl you! :)
     
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  19. mrgreen748

    mrgreen748 Active Member

    Gender:
    Male
    I agree. Its only cheating if youre hiding something.
     
  20. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Absolutely, marriage is supposed to be a partnership and c;ear communication is essential. Your spouse is generally your greatest asset or your greatest liability depending on how wisely you chose.

    I am reasonably certain that the majority of women that have shared my bed that were married were doing so without their husbands' knowledge or consent. It is one of the reasons we emphasize discretion in our group. It does pose an interesting ethical question. I would say that most are cheating on their husbands but they are careful not to do anything that might jeopardize their marriages. The males in our group are providing a service if you will, that they cannot get at home.

    I think there is a much more serious moral issue if a woman gets pregnant by another man and expects her husbands to raise the baby without being aware of the real parentage, but fucking is just fucking. If nobody gets pregnant, and nobody gets an STD where is there any damage being done. A person's body is their own, they should be entitled to do with it what they will as long as there aren't any consequences that effect their spouse.