I believe this kind of question really needs to be answered by a qualified psychiatrist, Kendra. Obviously, it appears on the surface that you have low self-esteem, but it could be more serious, and, why you have it and to what degree can only be answered by a qualified doctor. Hopefully, you'll get an answer, and avoid a life long suppression of your true self.
Please get your answer from a true professional. Mental abuse can be very serious.
Mac