It was August 2003 when I proposed to my wife. We dated for 1.5 years before that. During that period we had sex many times. Never did she tell me that I was a terrible lover and or that my dick was too small for her. I understand she had a few lovers before me. I understand one was much bigger than me im average at six he was like over nine. He would actually make her orgasm from penetration. Any how, the reason for this conversation is because to this day after she told me about her fantasy I wonder. Why did she say yes to me when she had the chance to say no? If I was not compatible with what she had had in the past or her expertise why didn't she move on. The healing process would have started that moment for me and I would have been fine. This is America and we have the freedom of expression and the ability to pick and choose what we want. The full rights to pursue what makes us happy. I guess it actually bothers me that she waited for so long to tell me this but why, why did she? I didn't propose to her with a weapon on hand and most definitely didn't force her. Today almost two years after she told me about this site and what she wants, I am a very insecure man, I see her and would like to have her but the first thing that comes to mind is what for, im not good enough. It would be ridiculous to expect to find a woman that has never had sex, but I believe that every one needs to find what meets the expectations. What her past lovers did to her and what they made her feel should not be a burden on me. Why do I need to size up or do what other men did to her, let alone meet or exceed their performance. It is my opinion that she had to find those things. It's obvious that I don't make her moan and tingle like her ex lover did. She claims that I do satisfy her but when we had intercourse she would yaun on me, would be like a statue or plainly act like all she felt was pain. I tried experimenting with her but that was to much to ask for. She refused to give me oral sex years ago. When I bought my first f150 I never expected a corvette or Mercedes-Benz. I knew I had a f150. Either way, I understand that some guys will take this opportunity to ridicule me. It's ok. Just understand, life is not perfect especially in this area with us men. Some day she will have what she wants, I don't intend to stop her. Mentally I moved on but it still bothers me that she married me when im not what she expected sexually. But the question still remains, why till today. Why at all?