I really admire the hell out of all of you.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by vanessabbc, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. vanessabbc

    vanessabbc Active Member

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    but I have to come to terms with myself, my marriage and realize the truth. I am just not cut out for this. I have been wishy washy all weekend and the reason is, I don't have it in me to hurt ntone. Not my husband, not my children and not any of you because I know right now I cannot follow through on anything but talk. Please don't think me a bitch. All of you have been super nice to mea couple of you talking to me is what made me realize I am being stupid and selfish right now.

    I am so sorry if anyone feels lead on, because I tried to be honest from the start but now I need to be honest to my family and I need to get back to sleeping at night. I thank you all and I love you.
    Vanessa
     
  2. BDG69

    BDG69 Active Member

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    Wish you the best of luck going forward. We Black Men will always be here
     
  3. vanessabbc

    vanessabbc Active Member

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    just take solace in the fact you saved yourself a lot of trouble because I am seriously a fucked up piece of shit girl. just a terrible human being.
     
  4. BDG69

    BDG69 Active Member

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    Vanessa..stop beating yourself up like that. You have a fantasy, but you also have a conscience which made you realize what's more important to you
     
  5. Synergy13

    Synergy13 Member

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    If anything, be happy you made this decision before the act. You should never apologize for following your instincts. Ease up on yourself.
     
  6. bm_from_southjersey

    bm_from_southjersey Administrator Staff Member Real Person Gold Member

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    @vanessabbc

    You're not a piece of shit. You're simply a person who had thoughts of doing something, then you peered into the abyss and decided to step back rather than jump in.

    This lifestyle, such as it is, isn't for everybody. It shows signs of mental maturity that you were able yo sublimate your wants to your responsibilities.

    In my opinion, you have made the right decision and I wish you the best of luck for a happy and fulfilling life.
     
  7. dunacouple

    dunacouple Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    There is nothing wrong this behaviour. That's why it;s so tragic when people start looking at browser history of their spouse. the stories you hear... It's sad. As long as you do not cross any real lines look at this as your most private thoughts in the digital realm.

    Perhaps at some point you can share with your husband.
     
  8. Mrs.InCharge

    Mrs.InCharge Well-Known Member Gold Member

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    It's perfectly fine to just fantasize. Trust me, this can be an intense life and it isn't for all.
     
  9. D'Arcy James

    D'Arcy James Member Real Person

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    If she's for real, I sure hope kiddo is okay. She got real ugly on herself with a few of her comments. Real or feigned, that's not a good look. At all.
     
    BDG69 likes this.
  10. BDG69

    BDG69 Active Member

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    Yea for real..shorty deleted her pic and all like she was gonna do something stupid..hope she's good too
     
    D'Arcy James likes this.
  11. vanessabbc

    vanessabbc Active Member

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    thank you guys. I am fine, Fucked up but fine. I have decided to have a talk with my husband later this week if we can find somewhere for the kids to stay for a couple of days,. I am going to confess my thoughts and explain that I could mot go through with it and ask him to forgive me, believe that I will always be true and will seek any counseling he wants. I believe all will be well because he is a very kind and very forgiving spirit.

    I want to apologize for saying some very graphic things to some of you in private conversatioms. If I lead anyone on, forgive me it was a terribler thing to do to you as well as to my family.

    Some people are better living a quiet life. I am one of these people. I removed my images for personal reasons. I am in no danger and I would never hurt myself. I promise you that.I also noticed the more pictures I searched for to post here, the more pics of me happy and in love with hubby I found, I found intimate ones that I had taken of myself for him or he had taken of me and I realized that would be a huge betrayal to share.

    As I said, I have so much respect for the men, women and couples on this site. You saved my marriage I honestly believe.

    I am sorry for the harsh talk I gave on myself. I will try to improve that as well. this place does NOT need my drama and apologize for bringing it here. If I find I can come here and talk as a friend in a non sexual way, I will see what works We shall see together. Until then, drink your almond milk and stay strong, haha. Love you guys. Thank you all.
     
  12. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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  13. Splitter

    Splitter Active Member

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    You sound like you need therapy.

    Listen, there is zero chance you will be able to successfully repress your sexual desires and fantasies. Life does NOT work that way. They will act out elsewhere in life, whether it's through people you meet, situations or environments, attitudes, and/or your own behavior. This is psychology 101.

    You have extremely negative self-talk, which strongly implies you do not value and love yourself. A large part of loving yourself is coming to grips with your sexual desires. You did not consciously choose your sexual desires. You must learn to give them a safe space to operate, whether it is directly through sexual fantasy/porn, or more indirectly and productively through other means, such as exercise, art, martial arts, energetic practices, etc.

    A related issue is communication. If you can't communicate openly and honestly with yourself, how can you consistently do so with your husband? If you can't trust yourself not to judge yourself, how can you trust your husband? The more thoroughly you work on yourself, the more fulfilling your relationship with your husband will be.
     
  14. MILFSEEKERpgh

    MILFSEEKERpgh Active Member

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    Damn Bro!
    That's real TALK!
     
  15. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    Splitter, I don't think that's necessarily true. True, she seems to be struggling with some mental issues, but to say "there is zero chance you will be able to successfully repress your sexual desires & fantasies" would be like telling someone with alcohol or drug addiction that they have zero chance of abstaining from their afflictions. She's quite aware that she has some mental problems to work out, and from her posts she probably should be pursuing some professional help, but she's far from doomed to repress her inner thoughts & demons. Its highly unlikely, however, that she's going to get that encouragement and support here, as there are just too many people here that would get self enjoyment out of watching her strike the match if she was soaked in gasoline. Some would even strike it for her.

    She's very youthful, and that plays against her as well. When one gets married at a young age, especially when it is to a much older person, they eventually wake up and question what they're missing in life. This is where filling that void with positive activities, that you mention, comes in helpful. I suspect, as you, that the odds appear stacked against her, but we can't ( or shouldn't ) say that all is lost in addressing her problems. She should start by distancing herself from those that would enjoy seeing her fail. By continuing to stay here, she's likely to do exactly as you're predicting. This place is to help add excitement to a strong marriage, not fill a void to a weak & unhappy one.

    I use a quote from a scene in JAWS ... "vanessa, take my word for it, don't look back. Swim, vannessa , swim!"
    gif_Yellowball-Spock.gif Mac
     
    #15 MacNfries, Apr 22, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2015
  16. Splitter

    Splitter Active Member

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    That's not what I said, and --coming from someone with an extensive history of addiction -- that metaphor is completely incorrect.

    Frankly, no one in the history of humanity successfully succeeds in repressing themselves. What is buried in the unconscious acts out with more force than if it was consciously channeled.

    That's psychology's view, anyway, and I agree.

    "Successful" in this case would be dispelling her mind of salacious thoughts wrt her sexual fantasies revolving around Black men.

    I am definitely not one of the ones who wants her to immolate her marriage. I messaged her and left comments beforehand that, while she's obviously attractive, I would never (assuming it was ever possible; we live in different states) do anything with her while her husband doesn't know. I was trying to get to know her and talk some sense into her. She obviously has a lot of guilt about the whole situation.
     
  17. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    hahaha ... true. I was just reading her new thread, if you haven't seen it, yet. Doesn't appear she's making a lot of effort in taking the advice she's been given; at least not the positive advice. Split personality, maybe?
     
  18. D'Arcy James

    D'Arcy James Member Real Person

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    Both of you guys have more than fair assumptions about her sensibilities based on what Vannessa posted. But, we don't truly know who she is and the real nature of her situation. Honestly, I'd guess that all of the members here are not totally transparent in revealing every aspect of their lives. It's probably best to reserve any opinions about the girl's mind state. Just encourage her to do what's best for her and let her be.
     
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  19. vanessabbc

    vanessabbc Active Member

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    lol. itsd strange watching people have a conversation about you. I don't know which new thread you are talking about, macfnFries that makes you feel I am not taking advice? I would have to know before I comment.

    I try to take advice and there is some good in this conversation. I provavly have mental issues. which ones, I don't know because if I did I would correct them. Im hard on myself, true but thats who I am and who I have always been.thats me. I self manage a lot of it through yoga and meditation and I try to be aware if I am ever taking it out on someone else.
    believe it or not, I havem't encountered anyone here who has put any of their sexual urges over my well being.people have been very kind to me.
     
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  20. MacNfries

    MacNfries Well-Known Member Sweet & Cordial Gold Member

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    I kind of agree with "watching people have a conversation about you" bit ... that would make me feel strange as well. If anything I said made you feel uncomfortable, I certainly apologize. I was referring more to your confused state of mind.

    The last post you made 2 days ago was that you were taking some time away, etc then I look up and see 2 new threads going. I could elaborate more on them if need be, but I think my overall intention was to call attention to the fact that you had decided to continue posting your plans ... even in plans to find your hubby a female, which is strange to hear a wife say that of her husband.

    At any rate, D'Arcy is right in saying it is best that we (Splitter & I) keep our opinions of your well being to ourselves; you seem to be very confused and the atmosphere here is not going to help in clearing your confusion. If you've read any of my posts regarding "cuckolding" you will find I'm very protective of one's marriage.

    I hope you will try to keep your comments all posted to one thread if possible. It helps those with interest in your progress follow you more easily. Again, best wishes in getting things figured out ... Mac