I understand perfectly. Is her the one that seems to "understand', but sees it as a back seat to other situations such as finances and family. Lately, I've been coping with this situation using the 90/10 rule; I have an awesome woman that gives me more than 90% of what I need, but I don't get the wild sex as I used to before; the 10% I'm missing.
As far as what Peter says, done it many times. Sometimes it works at the end of her orgasm, sometimes she ignores it or tells me that I do the job to her satisfaction. She doesn't fake it; she rather not do it as her orgasms work as "stress relief" of her daily life, which is what sex has become.