couples and parents

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by newbiewife, Dec 2, 2013.

  1. newbiewife

    newbiewife Member

    Gender:
    Female
    If you've read my intro you know im married, a mom, and new to this. I was just wondering if there are other couples here or couples with kids that have traveled this road. Is it easy to keep secret? Did it change the family dynamic in any negative ways? Have any do's or do not's?
    Thanks
     
  2. sugardaddy71

    sugardaddy71 Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Interesting question Ma'am
     
  3. sugardaddy71

    sugardaddy71 Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Interesting question Ma'am
     
  4. wendy

    wendy Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    US
    my baby is younger so for now no problems
     
    BlkDaddyJissFest and newbiewife like this.
  5. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    When you want to keep a secret it must be in every participants best interest to keep the secret. A young single male is most likely to brag about the pussy he is getting. A mature married male generally has a vested interest in discretion. Don't bring your bull home, preferably meet on neutral ground. I have always felt the best thing is a long term relationship. It gives the participants a chance to become friends instead of just bed partners. However you need to make sure you don't develop too much of an emotional attachment. Unless of course both of you are considering marriage. Most of all you need to be upfront about your expectations. If you need discretion don't be afraid to say so.
     
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  6. Hedonist Ninja

    Hedonist Ninja Well-Known Member Real Person

    Gender:
    Male
    Don't sell out your family for some short sexual thrills.

    Are you asking about swinging in general (The rules with don't and dos) or are you worried the IR aspect to having a lover makes the need for discretion, trust, being safe etc different? Race does not matter in that regard.

    Play safe, play away from the kids and make sure the relationship between your man and you keeps honesty and communication open within it. That advice is generic and basic, yet it is what does not get followed in so many cases that lead to trouble in the realm of swinging.

    It is easy to have play dates when you travel to another town without the kids. Hotel living is a simple yet correct barrier to keeping family life separate from those extra sexual adventures. Finding the men and vetting them and discovering chemist is another matter, online or off, which you will have to navigate.

    Doing it as a couple lends extra safety and extra awareness to the primary relationship. If it is just about you, that is something you will have to rectify and you both will need to look into how you think your paring is working out and how strong your relationship is. That plus look at the motives for seeking activities of this sort and talk about them honestly together. It can be fun to no end to do this, it can be also taxing and damaging if done wrong.

    There are many great men and couples in swinging. Many cool black dudes too. Just know there are fakes, flakes and weirdos too. Think of it as a dating pool, like any other, with all the good and bad people who inhabit those. How you found men who you wanted to sleep with in the past is more or less how you'd go about getting an 'on the side' lover (black stud if that is what you are after) in this set up. Go for your likes and who you have arousal for and rapport with.

    IF YOU ARE A TEACHER BE EXTRA DISCRETE!
    You career is gone if any one finds out. Is that fair? No. Will it happen and has it happened? Many times to those who are in the lifestyle with that profession and who were careless...
    Be cautious about media (pics and vids) at meets for that reason, given your profession.
     
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  7. Ann4BBC

    Ann4BBC Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    UK
    In my short experience it can be done. But its not without some risk. I never bring anyone home, im not even sure any guy i know even knows my home address. Certainly not my home phone number or where I work. When i go out i tell my teenage kids im going out with my girl friends and stopping over one of their houses. Im sure they have seen my QoS tattoo but havent asked me about it. I am worried if they ever saw any photos of me, and wouldnt like them to know about this lifestyle.
    If it ever came too close for comfort i would drop the lifestyle and be with my family instead.
     
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  8. Flcouple38

    Flcouple38 Active Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    It can be done and we did it. You must approach very cautious. No face pictures, nothing in the background that identifies you in house. Do it in locked room away from family (computer Stuff that is). Make good excuses and drop your plans if needed in heartbeat if kids needs something, never let this overcome the family. This is fun and can be rescheduled. Also, do not be giving out phone number, use IM till you know the person and trust. Just be very cautious and plan ahead.
     
  9. exoticouple976

    exoticouple976 Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    We don't have kids yet, but grew up with very horny parents and once i got home from school early one day and walked into my parents having 3some with another man, it was little embarrassing to see mum having a spit roast with dad and another male, But guess sex is part of life. I am sure growing up with horny parents made me very sexual but don't feel it is bad.
     
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  10. cps

    cps Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    US
    We are relatively new to this too, my first time was back in May. We have met several times since then for play dates. The one thing my hubby and I do both before and after each session is talk and discuss our feelings. Our primary focus is the security of our marriage and family. That has to be the first and most guarded priority. Discretion is of the utmost importance not only for us but for my playmate too. I am a little different than most wives on here in that I knew my playmate for almost 2 years before we had sex, he goes to my gym. Although he is single, his job required discretion and we all understand the importance of it. So far, it is working great for all of us.

    We still have kids at home, so when we play, they go and stay with relatives for the weekend. We do play at our house because I feel more at ease in familiar surroundings, but I think that is because of the uniqueness of our situation, my playmate.

    The bottom line is that it can work, but each situation and couple are different. Decide what will work for you, protect your marriage , and keep your discretion.
     
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  11. EDcrheatme

    EDcrheatme Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    Country:
    US
    Hubby here.
    Wife asked to do this fetish a year and a half ago. I was worried about her safety, and a bit insecure she'd leave me. Also, I have two kids from a prior marriage, one a teen living with us. I didn't want my ex to know, so the kid couldn't know. Not trivial.
    Safety: I communicate a bit online with bulls here so they know I'm real. Wife doesn't give address, telephone, text etc. info. Prefers to meet them in person soon to know if they are real. She picks place, a local black-owned restaurant whose owner knows the game, has met me. No sex first date. If goes well, may exchange phone #s or emails.
    Relationship: yes, was a bit insecure when I learned it was more than sex with bull. Solution was for me to date. I now have a great GF, gets along with wife, knows her fetish, has her own, etc.
    Kids: teen does NOT know. Met one bull; was told (truthfully) he knew step-mom from work. My adult son knows and is fine with it. As for computers, I take computer security very seriously; passwords, parental controls, etc. Do it.
    Play at home: yes, when kids GONE and a man we both know and trust. Example, earlier this week, a bull met here on BtW messaged wanted to spend wednesday night (tomorrow) overnight; he has done overnights here before. I said I needed to make kid arrangements. He was fine with that (actually, he had to cancel). But, I liked that he and I had the relationship that I could coordinate plans with him.
    Summary: yes, it works. Takes planning and cooperation of you, hubby and bulls. BTW, you may fall in love a special one. That is alright. Let your hubby date, too. ;-)
     
  12. sbcplseeking

    sbcplseeking New Member

    Gender:
    Couple
    I am married and have 2 children. Luckily, my family disowned me for being with black men (I'm Asian raised in a very conservative and traditional Asian household) and both of my kids are mixed with black. So, I am able to play, my husband watches the kids, we'll get a sitter or wait until the kids go to sleep (if and when I have steady boyfriends). Just communicate with each other and keep those lines open and free. Things work if you put in the effort. :) Good luck!
     
  13. curiouscraig

    curiouscraig Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    US
    There are too many variables to give an easy yes or no answer r provide definitive advice.

    Things can work out fine but as pointed out above the stakes are rather high when children are involved. So into you work out a process or have a trustworthy bull I do recommend erring on the side of safety ... but do encourage you to find a way to enjoy interracial sex.

    Both dating and a long-term bull can work out but in general a trusted bull who cares about your situation is a much less risky solution.

    The flip side is that if you are like my wife, abstaining is not going to to an option so you will have to forge a good solution and be careful while you do it.

    A sent you a message.
     
  14. VoyeurWhiteMale

    VoyeurWhiteMale Active Member

    Gender:
    Male
    Country:
    Greece
    There are good advices above me, I won't repeat the same but short answer is yes: Most couples have kids and they play. There is no right or wrong, every family is different. The dynamics can change when the kids know about your lifestyle, some couples have chosen to reveal their other side but most couples keep it private. Home or hotel, steadys or one night stands I'm sure you'll find the way to do it if you really want it.
     
  15. Torpedo

    Torpedo Well-Known Member Gold Member

    Gender:
    Male
    There is a lot of good advice in a few shorts paragraphs
     
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  16. newbiewife

    newbiewife Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you all so much for the great advice! I guess a lot of things are common sense. I feel much better about things now. As long as we plan things out, communicate and set up some ground rules I think we can make things work. Everyone that responded, you are great!
     
  17. Citica

    Citica New Member

    Gender:
    Male
    This is good information, as I'm new here also! I find this lifestyle interesting, and looking to pursue my curiosity!
     
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  18. cps

    cps Well-Known Member Real Person Gold Member

    Gender:
    Female
    Country:
    US
    You are very welcome for the input. I am all about sharing my experience with others on here if it will help. I feel a sort of obligation to help others as so many on here helped me when I was where you are. It is a great addition to our life, and to my sexual fulfillment. But like anything else, you have to be responsible and never sway from your priorities.

    Keep us informed of your progress. Best of luck!
     
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