Cheating or Not?

TwoBiFour,
gif_Yellowball-TimeOut.gif "Time Out!" Don't you think you might be confusing the definitions of cheating and infidelity a bit? These are 2 words with 2 entirely different meanings by English defintion. You might want to look those words up and compare them side by side.
 
So you are trying to tell me that as long as I tell the bank what I am doing before I take the money - It's not robbery? Or do I have to admit it afterwords and that makes it OK?

I know what the words mean Mac, don't split hairs. But in case you do not;
Cheating
verb (used with object)
1.to defraud; swindle:He cheated her out of her inheritance.
2.to deceive; influence by fraud:He cheated us into believing him a hero.
3.to elude; deprive of something expected:He cheated the law by suicide. verb (used without object)
4.to practice fraud or deceit:She cheats without regrets.
5.to violate rules or regulations:He cheats at cards.
6.to take an examination or test in a dishonest way, as by improper access to answers.
7.Informal. to be sexually unfaithful (often followed by on):
Her husband knew she had been cheating all along. He cheated on his wife.
noun

8.a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds:He is a cheat and a liar.
9.a fraud; swindle; deception:The game was a cheat.
10. Law. the fraudulent obtaining of another's property by a pretense or trick.
11.an impostor:The man who passed as an earl was a cheat.

Are we not pushing our spouse aside to gain an advantage, better organism, Higher level of excitement? Just because we are not doing it in a deceitful way doesn't change the fact.

Now if you want to take the meaning as solely being dishonest or deception, then consider this - once some one "cheats" on a test, in a game or whatever are they not still known as a cheater even once everyone involved knows?
Telling your spouse after the fact might relieve your guilt, but it doesn't change the fact that you cheated. Even if you are both in the same room it doesn't change the fact.

Infidelity
noun, plural infidelities.
1.marital disloyalty; adultery.
2.unfaithfulness; disloyalty.
3.lack of religious faith, especially Christian faith.
4.a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression.

Having sex with another partner - with or without consent is still adultery and marital disloyalty.

Like I said, define it how ever you need to justify the means so you don't have to admit to yourself that what we do is not always right. This lifestyle is not for everyone, and not everyone is going to accept it regardless of the justifications. What we do may not be socially acceptable but what we choose to do in our life is our own and we must live with the consequences and accept any liability. Trying to justify the means by telling ourselves that it isn't "wrong" because the definition doesn't exactly fit our square hole is not only lying to yourself, but an attempt to alleviate yourself from guilt and liability for your actions.
 
No, I don't need the definitions spelled out, and I'm not meaning to "split hairs" as you say. My point is that infidelity is a religious law defining one's faithfulness to a marriage, and cheating is a moral word defining one's integrity. They really aren't interchangeable. Some may use the word cheating to define infidelity, but what they are really defining is the breach of their monogamous relationship agreement, and that can occur even if they are not married.

It's no different than the misuse of the word cuckold on this website. Cuckolding has nothing to do with black men fucking white women ... nothing at all. A cuckold is simply an old label given a married man who's wife also fucks other men, besides her husband. It doesn't matter if he knows or not, or if he too, fucks other women.

It makes it difficult to discuss topics when everyone applies their own definition to words. What if some people referred to minivans as trucks, or to paramedics as doctors, or abortion as birth control, etc etc ... ******* gets confusing, because people are on different levels trying to have a common ground discussion about the same topic.

So, no, I can't agree that infidelity is the same thing as cheating ... cheating who, God and his laws? What if God's laws aren't my laws? If 2 married adults have a communicated understanding of their relationship, where for example, the wife can be with other men, but the husband will only be with her ... that's not "cheating" ... maybe infidelity, but definitely not cheating.
word-Faith.jpg .............GIF_GrouchoMarx.gif
 
Mac, that's not what my point is and you know it - go pick an argument with someone else. I never said that Cheating is the same as Infidelity, nor was I ever trying to establish that they are the same - as usual you completely miss the point.
 
"...What you really want to know is how to deal with it. Infidelity is infidelity - period. Just because it is agreed upon behavior doesn't change the fact. When someone says "I don't consider it cheating" what they really mean to say is "I'm OK with his/her infidelity".
I'm not trying to pick an argument, TwoBi, I was just trying to clarify what you posted. Geesh! Sorry I brought it up ... just stay ignorant!
 
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I'm not trying to pick an argument, TwoBi, I was just trying to clarify what you posted. Geesh! Sorry I brought it up ... just stay ignorant!

I forget your mind only runs on one track. let me re-phrase so simple minds can understand.

...What you really want to know is how to deal with it. Cheating is cheating - period. Just because it is agreed upon behavior doesn't change the fact. When someone says "I don't consider it cheating" what they really mean to say is "I'm OK with his/her cheating".

Well look at that, I guess they can be used interchangeably.

The emotions that "cheating" brings up in people -whether encouraged, allowed, or what ever is enough to to tell us something isn't right with this. We simply twist those negative emotions into enjoyment or channel them in some other way and call it a positive. We try to justify this by explaining away "cheating" and we do this so we don't have to be accountable for any negative outcome of our actions, and that includes any hurt feelings. How many marriages fail because of this "it's not cheating" and these emotions consumed them because they choose to ignore them.

Little ******* also explain it away when they get caught "cheating" at games such as checkers or Go-Fish. They also justify using "cheat codes" to beat their video games and make claims that it it not cheating because the codes are available.
Does it make it OK?

Guilt is part of what makes one question their own behavior. We seek support in our actions by getting others to agree with us. If everyone truly felt that this wasn't cheating - then the question would never come up.
 
@MikealOutkast I think you bring the point home - the communication between the two of you makes it "not" cheating. She knows you support her, and love her. That is not cheating and i think it's important that others who want to have sex outside of their relationship look to you guys for an example. I think a lot of posts were confused. cheating is cheating, the question is - is that what you really wanted?

the majority of my training time nowadays is spent trying to explain to couples that they chose each other, so why lie to each other. The ultimate decision once you lie is that you want the relationship to end at some point, if you are married, you want a divorce. The question i ask is - what if you didnt have to cheat on your spouse, what if you were just honest from the beginning. if you dont find the sex satisfying, but you love your spouse, you just flat out say - "hunny, its just not doing it for me. I love you, but the sex sucks." Obviously, you'd want to be more tactful than that...but is that more harmful then sneaking behind their back, having sex with someone unknown to them, and then your partner finding out through other means and realizing that you have been a lying sack of crap for a while?

to me, the lying, the cheating, the sneaking around is far worse then telling your partner that you arent sexually satisfied.
 
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