I was also the same when I first went on Grindr. I developed this intense desire or obligation to meet every guy that messaged me and service them. You can still have that when you are with a regular partner as well. That's when I had a real turning point from shame or hiding to acceptance.
I find that sometimes with younger black guys and yes they mostly want blowjobs. One guy I see regularly will always throat fuck me before he comes. I think many times it's also a fantasy thing they don't do with their regular partner. Once I started getting fucked I found I prefer older men...
It's difficult finding that in real life. A Dom I was "talking" to explained it would be more realistic to focus on worshiping BBC, since I was already addicted and I could quickly get real life experiences. Eventually she encouraged me and coached me onto Grindr but I do wonder if I quit...
This is becoming more commonplace, especially with men addicted to IR porn. A Qos I was talking to online who also used to live in my hometown of Richmond, turned out her (ex) husband and one of his friends to black men. Her ex is openly gay and engaged, his friend is completely gay but...
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