This is the true story of how I got into the circumstances I'm faced with today. Everything I'm writing is true, but some of it is compressed, as it occurred over a 20 year period. My name is Mark and I'm in my early 40's. From my early teens I developed a fascination with porn and quickly realized that my 4.5" long penis was way smaller than other guys. In high school my gym class had several black guys and in the showers it was plain to see that my 1.5" soft penis was minuscule compared to everyone else, but especially compared to four or five of the black guys who's cocks hung down half way to their knees, or so it seemed from my quick glances. I briefly dated a couple of girls while in college, but although I'm not bad looking, I was always afraid to pursue sex with them due to my fear of their reaction on seeing my size. While in college I did have an experience that deeply affected me though. A group of guys went over to our buddy's place to hang out one night. After drinking a while, he put on a porn video for us to watch. The setting was a young white couple going on a tropical adventure, but when they got lost and needed help, they suddenly found themselves surrounded by a group of black men. Long story short, innocent wife was slowly seduced by the black men due to their aggressive sexuality and their bodies which were dramatically different from her husband's. He was forced to look on as they worked together pleasuring her body, seeing her reaction to feeling their huge cocks entering her tight pussy and pouty mouth. When her black lovers told her to look at hubby and she saw his tiny penis standing up, she at that point totally gave in to the men and her desire for forbidden pleasure. I was so taken by this scene that it stayed burned in my mind for months. I can't tell you how many wet dreams resulted from this. A couple of years after college I was at a bar with some pals and met a gorgeous girl named Lisa. She took my breath away. Perfect medium length wavy blonde hair, face of a model with luscious lips, slender hips, perky medium sized tities and her best feature, long long legs with skinny ankles. I was completely taken by her. I overcame my nerves and asked her to dance and we ended up talking the whole evening together. After a few more dates we started making out in my car one night and it soon got heated. At that point she told me that she came from a very conservative family and had very little experience with guys. She was actually still a virgin. This took such a burden off of me! Perhaps she would never even realize how small I was since she had never been penetrated before. As we continued dating, the conversations we had told me to back off sexually and soon she asked how I would feel if she wanted to stay a virgin till she got married. I was on the one hand desperate to have sex with her. Just a touch from her made me stiff. But I realized that agreeing to her wishes would get me a girl that previously I had only fantasized about. It was only 3 months later that I proposed to Lisa and 4 months after that was our wedding day. At the reception I could hardly wait to get back to our room and feel the pleasure of making love to my perfect wife. Finally the time came to take our leave and we went to our room. I opened a bottle of champagne and we relaxed as we drank a couple of glasses. Knowing she was a virgin (and being one myself) I took my time as we started making out. Soon I was tking off her dress and as she stood in front of me her beauty took my breath away. She was wearing the clasic bridal lingerie with garter belt and white nylons. I almost came in my pants looking at her! I stood up and started kissing her all over and she was trembling in anticipation. She sat on the edge of the bed and started opening my pants and then she pulled down my pants and shorts together, revealing my completely stiff 4.5" penis. To my horror, the look of disappointment on her face was obvious. She looked down at the floor and made no motion for a while. Finally I helped her into bed and continued kissing her body, eventually pulling off her panties, as she lay motionless. It revealed a sight that I could only have dreamed of, Lisa with her long skinny legs patially open, displaying her neatly trimmed blonde pubic area. As I fumbled my way towards getting my penis to the entrance of heaven itself, I attempted to push it in, but couldn't. I tried every which way, but finally realized she was completely dry! My raging hard-on shriveled up with the realization that my new bride was not turned on at all!! I asked her if she was tired and wanted to just sleep and she said yes. On our honeymoon this pattern continued, with me unable to turn her on and with me shriveling up in embarrassment. Finally I asked her if I could just buy some lube to make it easier to enter her, but she fired back, "why don't you just make me wet like a real man!". Our first fight, all because of my sexual incompetence. Finally back home, after two weeks of trying I discovered how wet she got with me licking her sweet pussy and clit. After getting her to orgasm I quickly started pushing my stiff penis inside her. As I felt it penetrate and looked down at her perfect body, long legs spread apart, I couldn't hold back and started cumming immediately. It felt so damn good. For me anyways. She just patted me on the back and told me to get off her because I was too heavy. This was the routine we fell into, with me giving her an orgasm with oral sex, followed by about 30 seconds of intercourse. I felt happy that I could make Lisa cum almost every time we had sex, but deep down realized that a girl with a body like her deserved more. My mind lingered on the porn I had seen in the past. The looks on the faces of the women getting a hard, deep fucking was something I wished I could give my wife. In particular I remembered the repeated orgasms and sexual abandon of the newly married girl who gave in to the desire to be fucked by the huge black men in the porno flick I had seen years ago at my buddies place. Soon I found myself looking at porn and jerking off at the thought of my wife being pleasured by other men, especially long dicked, well built black men. My occasional viewing of porn accompanied by furious masturbation continued for several years in secret, gradually becoming an obsession. Occasionally Lisa asked why I was not as interested in sex as she imagined a normal man would be. I usually gave the excuse that I was tired, but inside felt deeply guilty since I kew that a incredibly sexy girl like her deserved much better sex than I was giving her. This though sent me in a spiral, as I imagined how much better a black lover would take care of her hot body and could not resist stroking myself off to the thought of this. As several more years passed there was a curious incident that started my innocent wife and I down a very different path. We were skiing together at a local resort one weekend when I noticed her staring at a particularly large and handsome ski patrol, who also happened to be black. Seeing her stare, I teased her saying, "Well, you look quite taken with him. I hope you don't get lost on the other side of the mountain with him.". I was expecting a blush or a giggle, but instead my innocent wife told me, "Well, if that happens, you know he will have to lie on top of me and use friction and body heat to keep me alive. I would have no choice but let him." It was now me blushing and giggling in reply. And I was instantly stiff as a rod. If anyone wants to see the continuation let me know.